Lately I've been going to sleep when the sun comes up and waking up when the sun comes down. It is not insomnia. Last night (or maybe this morning) I was in a heated debate with my cousin who just didn't understand what I was trying to say. Then a "friend" of mine (we will call her Dhi) commented a long ass response. I simply responded saying "I do not feel like arguing about this anymore." Dhi went BALLISTIC. Dhi started posting vaguebook/passive-aggressive status updates on their blog and I called them out on it. They then proceeded to rip me a new one. I unfriended them and messaged them to tell them good bye. They then screen capped my private message and posted it on my wall (all the while claiming it was on *their* wall ) and wrote really nasty things about me. Calling me self-centered, selfish, unempathetic, etc. They claimed that I treated them like an unpaid therapist.

I don't even know what that means. Treating someone like a therapist? When I sit down to talk to my therapist I don't really talk. Most if not all the things I talked about with Dhi were Special Interests of mine. So like one time I babbled one about the differences between the DSM-III, DSM-IV, and DSM-5.

Another bad sign has been happening too.

My homicidal urges and plannings are coming back. I'm starting to lose emotional feelings again and I wonder if I could feel again if I stabbed somebody *mod edit*.

I know I wouldn't ever do it. But who wants to bet I am hospitalized this year at some point?

All I wanna say is - I have hope for the future! I got very good news and I feel like my life is moving forward finally.

I witnessed someone be involuntarily detained for possible commitment.

I wonder when that will happen to me, if ever.

I just want to get to Australia before I go crazy. I need to get to Australia. I need to get to Australia. Stay with it, dude. Stay okay. Keep taking the stupid pills.

I feel like my main support system has cut me off and I don't know how to handle it. I have to learn to swim or fly or whatever alone or I will fail fail fail. I have a feeling I'm on a one-way ticket back to the hospital if my doc on Tuesday can't get my meds right.

I recently was hospitalized not too long ago for two weeks. I won't get into the details of what happened, but basically, I learned the very hard way that I can't just stop taking my meds willy nilly when I feel like it.