By the way, writting blogs for this site while using a computer at work was probably not the best idea, I had some issues with one of my bosses at work yesterday that had nothing to do with my schizophrenia or even this site. I am not ashamed of my schizophrenia but as many of have figured out, if you want to get back into the professional world, it is best not to tell cowaorkers about any of this stuff. So, I was forced to eat a pretty heavy load of crud yesterday because I was worried if I pressed this issue, I might have to explain some of the stuff I posted on this site. Unfortunatley, even if we happen to be in the right on a matter, having the term mental ilness or schizophrenia thrown back at you is a difficult blow to counter. I should have known beforehand but I will just be sure not to use any computer at work for this stuff from here on. Also, on a different subject, If any of you guys read my blogs and see inconsistencies in the story, I would not be insulted at all if you were to point them out to me. I tried to tell some of terros counselors and and the counselors at the drug rehab I completed about for years ago. I tried to explain some of the finer details about what my "symptoms" were, but it wasn't that they didn't care about helping me get better, it was that the details of the symptoms were of little importance and not woth dwelling on. So, what I am saying is that I have not really been able to have anyone who might be able believe or even listen to the details and help point out the contradictions. I am able to see some of the contradictions sometimes but I know if I can see them sometimes there must be a pretty large list of them. As I mentioned earlier in my blogs and by my username "MeAndOther" my other is the source of everything for me, thought, sense, you know, everything. He has made it very clear from early on that many of the things I have experienced are not necacerrily true or untrue, he is stuck with me just as I am stuck with him. He says that just copying all of his experience and senses directly tome as he has them can get a bit boring so he does not deny making his own private show for me. Some of the experiences are things that I hold on to and never want to let go because as many shortcomings I have compared to the general population, they could have the first clue what it's like to see the wizzard behind the curtain, to see how powerless they are in reality, to see that there is nolonger the big question, Is there more out there? What If? I wonder if? I have been listening to my other directly for seven years now. All of these question that we have about the supernatural, God, telepathy, aliens, the list goes on and on. I don't have those questions as I did before. I want to be clear that I dont have any solid answers for those question as far as details, but I know and have known for seven years, the answer is yes, yes, yes. So at this point, I dont need any assurance about whether or not this stuff is real, I want to hear your stories. I want to hear the wonder you have known. I want to hear the experiences you had that we only see in scifi movies. I was reading a post, or many posts about mind controll over us with radio waves and such. That is definatley a cool idea, one that I also put much stock in, at the begining. It's not that I don't do or don't believe it anymore, I just no longer have the compulsion to go and expose them because if that stuff is really true, how do you expect to beat a force controlling your mind. I had an epic battle with my other for the first several years, he would tell me that he was the dominant one in this body and antagonize me. He would show me just a taste of what he could do to me and give them stupid nick names like the truth button and the pain buttun, and the repeator. I would be having a so called argument with him and he would tap the pain button, WOW! I just intesnse pain for a second from my other and I was not even moving. Well, I am not going to let him beat me, I am the man in this body, I am stronger. The repaeter was also not very pleasant, He would say some little sentence and the he would just loop it around and around, not fun! I thought I was pretty slick and got a little tape recorder and said some sentence and copied a bunch of times and tried to put him on my repeater. He is laughing at me right now, I am laughing a bit too, I am glad those days are over. Many of the things that happened in the bginning were connected with my social role or expectations of a male in society. I had to dominate everything, women were far inferior physically and mentaly emotionaly any level possible. Well it's no surpise that I hae never had a real relationship. I am getting more and more realistic about who we are as poeple, sometimes it's not frast enough. The reason I brought up the man women deal is that my other would use the fact that he could make me feel anything whenever. He would use that to molest me while I was trying to have a conversation or even just sitting alone. I can tel who how many thousands of times times that happened. If I had choose what the worste part of my shizophrenia was, it would be that with no runner up even close to it. I dont want to have my blogs edited or lose the oppurtunity to post on this site but there are quite a few thing that will go unsaid in that area.