I went to the travel agency. Looked at cruises for my 40th. I know it sounds bad but I'm finding it difficult to get excited about it. I see myself as a disability pension who can't afford to blow money like that. My pdoc supports me in my idea to book a trip away - to celebrate what I have achieved and grieve what I haven't achieved in my bipolar affected life. Even the cruise is making me feel lonely as it is just my son and me. I know I should be more grateful for my fantastic boy, but I was kinda hoping I didn't just have one other person in my life at 40. I want more in my life than just my son. Wine, about the lovely opportunity to spend a fun time with my beautiful young man, over. I will be grateful for what I do have