"I want so much to live life. I am resilient - and I manage my illness the best I can. I participate in life the most I can. I just have to find a place of acceptance that I am doing my best and that has to be good enough for now".

For me, it is about finding the middle ground of acceptance, between the extremes of denial and overwhelm; still giving it my best shot, but also knowing when to pull back. I think it is a good goal to have.

My pdoc has upped my dose of antidepressant, (given that I have spent 3 1/2 months in the past four in a deep depression). We will see how we go with that She is also interested in trialling me again on Lithium; a very low dose, and see if that helps contribute to some stability.

I might have to accept that this is the best that I'm going to get. It may just be an extended bad time. I will continue to see my situation as realistically as I can an make decisions based on fact... still hopeful and fighting though.

hello i havent been on for a few days lhaven read any thing either ive only just had a chance to have a read of yours. ive been ok. try not to let it and things get you down living well. there is light on the other side its just one of those things its a head game. thats why its call cyclothymia because we cycal and go around in a vishius circal. and just as were feeling good down we fall then we have to waiit till our body is ready and has the energy to get out of the hole and it just keeps repeating. i know its not nice. try to see the positive. im having the parent inlaws over for dinner and i even bought disert to lol. xoxo

babygirl, I cant thank you enough for your heartfelt words. You've made a difference to me just now... and I love talking to you. Hope you are well xxx

your welcome i enjoy talking to you to.yes im doing well at the moment thank you. i think im on a bit of a high. i seem to have all this energy i dont know what to to with it but i supose its better than the other way around. yes parent inlaws came over cooked curried sausages lol cos im really good at doing that. but one of them sat in my seat and i couldnt say any thing cos its not apropriat. but it really buged me i got really irratated by it. but i just had to stay in reality and not go bunnanas if ya no what i mean. how you feeling to day. i hope your starting to feel a little better. xoxo

hey sweetie, only saw this today. Yeah, pick your battles hun, but also learn how to gently exert your influendce on the stuff that matters to you. Something I find difficult with bipolar is to know the baseline of how much something is important to me. In a bipolar rage the entire world might seem to resolve around on tincy little irk and there is so much urgency in getting it straightened out now... and in a depression, I'm blaming myself for being such a screw up for having something matter so much to me. Trying to tie those two worlds of emotion together for me and finding the middle ground, or the normal mood, in there is a source of delightful effort *sarcasm" lol Hugs to you babe x