Hola all.
I have, yet again, been off the site for almost a month now. Real life has spun in about 10 directions; some good, others not. Right now I am just feeling overwhelmed.

What the hell have I been up to in this last month?

Well, went up to my brother's for a couple of weeks. Totally devoid of internet access... I had major withdrawals and doing classwork was extremely complicated. Survived though. Great visit with my brother. He's in the middle of a complicated separation (married 17 years) and it's likely headed for divorce. He and I have been each other's voice of sanity. He got me though my June of hell (diagnosis and being dumped by the beau with PTSD) and I help him with dealing with his situation. Funny thing, I am the one studying psychology... and HE is the one with all the common sense advice for me when I start to let my mind spiral. I think when I get my degree, I'll cross out my name and give it to him...lol.

Soon as I got back from that trip, dad's health took a dangerous turn. He's had cardiac probs for years (one angioplasty; one triple bypass in the last 15 years). He was getting massive headaches and went to his GP who ran tests and found a 70% blockage in his carotid artery and also noticed he had an enlarged thyroid. Apparently the blockage was not of "emergency" status, so he's going to a vascular specialist to have that further investigated. He went the other day to have the thyroid looked at and they found two cysts. More tests to come, then either removal or biopsy... we don't know which. Mom is completely falling apart. She's trying to be strong for dad, so she doesn't show him how spazzed out she is... she calls me and falls apart when he's not at home. So I try to calm her and get her to not think in terms of "what if" but that's hard for her, I know.

School is, well.... ugh... school. I am beyond buried.

So, needless to say, I feel like I have a mountain on my shoulders. I am the "voice of calm" to about 3 people right now and while I would do nothing but, I am drained. Yesterday there were some complications with things at school (computer dork ups at the school that messed a lot up) and I just sat down and cried. I'm having to be strong for people, do well in school, try to figure out my future with all the details of grad school I'm trying to sort out. Then I sit there and think "geezuz, I don't hafta work... am I so pathetic that I can't handle what other people handle AND deal with work???" Felt a little inadequate. Had quite the pity party.

Today's a little better. Trying to shove the emotions aside and just focus on tasks. Trying to quit looking at the forest and take one tree at a time.

On a good note, things are going extremely well with the paramour in Florida. His divorce is mucky, but somehow we manage to actually discuss a lot of things other than that miserable situation. We talk almost everyday. I sooooo enjoy our talks. We can talk for hours and hours and never be at a loss for topics. The relationship with him is soooooo much more calm and stable than with the ex beau. This relationship couldn't be further from that emotional frenzy if I tried. He's going to be up here on business next week, so we actually will get to spend an overnight here together before he has to return back home. Very excited about that.

Anyhoo, that's what the heck's been going on with me. Nothing, yet a lot at the same time. I DEFINITELY miss talking to some of my convo buddies on here. Can't wait till things calm down and I can get back on here more regularly... it's therapeutic.

Hope you all are doing well

Hugs,
K