It would be good if we could take a powder that would make us parents.
Instead of grinding the experiences and picking the right moves, it would all be done for us.

In that way all we needed to do was to boil some water add the mixture and drink the potion.

I was just a teenager when i learned how to make the greatest brownies.

I was at my friends house when she all of the sudden in our very grey and dull moment said "hey do you want to bake a brownie with me?"
I said "yeah but don`t we have to ask your mother first?"
We were about 13 and her mother hadn`t come home from work yet, so i doubted we were allowed to make brownies before dinner. In my house that would be stretching it far..first i would have to call my mother at work to ask for her permission and even then it wasn`t sure that i would get it. Maybe she would say something like "but we haven`t had dinner yet", "save some for your siblings" hmm..having 2 little chocolate craving sisters in the house would mean about a crumb and a half for me..
Or maybe my mum would just call it off as a bad idea and say that i could ask her again in the weekend? "Maybe we can do it in the weekend instead? I don`t think we have the ingredients"... Oh but muuuuum, i can buy them and i so want to have that brownie now. "Well you can look in the cup and see i remembered to put some money in it" We used to have a cup where she sometimes (once a year) would lay small change so we could buy milk or bread. If that was empty (which it usually was) it meant i had no money for the ingredients and so i couldn`t bake the cake


That was not the case for my best friend, she got double the amount of pocket money a week, even thou she had barely a single chore in the house. And her cupboards were filled with more sweets then ours.

She took me into their kitchen and started to find all the ingredients.

I asked her again if she was sure that it was ok with her mother, the idea of just going into the kitchen and baking without any consent was almost a bit strange for me to imagine.

My stepfather made me ask for permission to make a sandwich, so a cake i probably needed a written consent for?

We baked the cake with a lot of chatter and bowl licking, then after it was fried her mother came home.

She was cheerful that we had baked a cake, she said it smelled so good in the whole flat and seemed happy on her daughters behalf.

We couldn`t just go and serve ourselves in my kitchen. My stepfather had a favourite slogan " DO YOU THINK THIS IS A HOTEL?"

To which i had no reply because replying him would be like sticking your head in a sharks mouth.

It actually got worse when my older sister moved in with us, now we were 6 people sharing one bread.

I remember calling my mother at work asking her if i could have a sandwich after school, and i had to argue for it. I told her that the bread tin was empty but that i had seen a whole bread in the freezer. In the end she just said " okay then".

When i was au-pair in France it was normal to give the children a snack after school, the same thing in England too.

My best friend used to grab something to eat when she came home from school. I asked her about it once, seeing as we had so different lifestyles, and she just shrugged her head and said "of course i am going to have something to eat now, its a long time to dinner".

My mother used to be worried that i wouldn`t have her gourmet fishwithbone or friedliver dinner when she got home from work.

She didn`t exactly make me child friendly food often.

I hated getting my mouth full of fish bones, it destroys the pleasure of eating when you have 1000 needles trying to pierce your mouth


Once i was told to sit at the table until all my food was eaten up, i was picky as a child (like so many children are). I didn`t want to eat fish or meat, my favourites was tomato soup and pancake.

I saw a children`s program with a jumping pig...

[ Continued ]

Many years ago i fell in love with a foreigner who lived in another country.

I met him on a holiday and we quickly hit it off.

When i came back i wanted to met him again and so i told my mother about the affair.

I was renting a flat from my mother and stepfather, that was under theirs.

She told me that it was a bad idea to invite him because he would probably just come over to our country to find a job.

Since i rented from them i couldn`t invite him.

Many years later my sister went to the US, where she fell in love with a man.

She ended up getting pregnant and wanted to stay in the US but she didn`t get the green card, even if she had married the man(who was from the US).

He came to Norway to live with her.

Its just another example of how "free" i was.

The strange thing is that, that sister at that time (before she went to the US), had a boyfriend who had the same name as the one i dated. She actually had that boyfriend (with the same name) after i had mine.

Apparently my mother is the only one who is allowed to marry who ever she wants to.

It is also important to mention that her current husband is a foreigner who didn`t have the right to stay in our country permanently until he got married to my mother...?

Just thought i would mention that. He came over on a research fellow, and was only meant to stay here for a short while.

I`m tired its a very difficult case.

The thought of being brushed aside is there.
For those who sits under that journalists cynical speculations it can`t be easy, but that`s not the only thing.

Its like i stepped into a room full of people.
A mother who is still hunting for the killer of her daughter, and MANY others.

He killed a lot of people during his active years.

You can imagine how many traces, speculations and investigations there has been.

A man gone completely berserk.
Killing people for many years. He was called the worst serial killer in Scandinavia.

So with all these victims he has gone into memory loss due to mix ups.

He doesn`t recall places and faces any more.

The fact that he admitted it and then pulled his confession back, made people believe that he was innocent.

I think he just got the liberty to do so, also i believe that because the psychologist who treated him was leaving the case, he needed to do something to show his anger about that.

For years he has had a good relationship with his psychologist and suddenly that attention is gone.

We all know he looks for attention. A very sick man.


He looks for love in strange places and in a very strange way.

The psychologist wrote a book about being inside a serial killers mind, i was there too.

Getting flung into this case is very difficult.

I have called the media, they might be interested? Still waiting for answer, i called them late evening, so it they might not call me back before tomorrow or maybe not at all?

I know it will shed doubts on his case. Serious doubts.

He almost got freed.

It takes time to "go back". In a way its like tiny pieces in a big puzzle.

He is still in psychiatric care, for life, in a closed section.

So i think the professors words have been heard clearly, but in the media he has been portrayed as innocent or even a crime of justice.

Sometimes. There is doubt whether he did it or not because of a few small evidences.

Those evidences apparently speak for themselves.

His case was taken up again but he wasn`t freed, so i guess the judge didn`t see enough evidence to his favour to release him from forced psychiatry care.

I haven`t really read a lot, i read about two of his murders, it feels like i have to met him again which is difficult.

At the same time my moral compass keps telling me to say it. I am as sure as i can be that he was the man who tried to lure me into his car when i was 5.

I have told the police but they say the case has been put down!? Which isn`t really the case when you look at the newspapers.

He had his case taken up i think it was last year.

And a journalist is planning on writing another book about him.

The newspapers have written a lot about him, because he is famous for having killed many people.

Many people makes many cases.

He is trying to manipulate the media.

Or should i say the journalist is?

He has enough status to get his article on print in the newspapers, so that his book will sell better.

I am really pi**ed off!

If a journalist goes to another journalist then he is automatically believed, no matter what he talks about, no matter what other highly educated people say.

He is the lonely crusader who is going to lead the whole media into his conspiracy theory, and he gets a good spot in the media to tell everybody about his findings. Had he been just a commoner his theories wouldn`t have even been considered, the journalist would just direct him to the public service aka police.

DAMN!

I am the only one who can stop him.
Or at least make his pace a bit slower maybe?
Yet he might just call my observance for doubt or shred it to pieces, so what`s the point????

Doubt many things would change any ways.

With every big case there is always some doubters.

Is what i have learned, but this really takes the cake. (take the cake is slang from my country for something that is shocking).

I am spitting in the ocean for you....fyi no damage will b done if i choose not to confront him, yet his arrogance (SPIT!) will live on forever maybe (BARF!).

I leave u with my sexy figure and a glass of the best Chardonnay(hope i spelt that right? I might have made a french revolution if i didn`t?)...

Halu