I read an article today called "where did they go?", it was about the beauty queens from the 60`s and what they have been doing after their successes as Misse`s.

Its an interesting article because you would think after having attended a miss contest and won it, then the rest should be easy.
Well for one of them (they had interviewed more of the contestants) the one who actually won the title Miss Norway that year, the life on wards had been filled with more tragedy then gain. She had just beaten some of the worlds most beautiful women in a harsh competition. (Don`t know if you know Julia Ege? Former Bond lady?)
She had married a man who she claimed had F***** her up mentally and lost both of her daughters and a grand son.
Both of her daughters were killed, one of her boyfriend, who stabbed her, and the other of poisoned alcohol.
And then as if that wasn`t enough her grandson also died.
So she had her share of life`s worst tragedies. I was sad when i read that article.
Now she is alone and single in her 60`s. Basically everything she has lived for is gone and she looks back on her funnier years as both a singer, a model and a winner of a big beauty contest.

Arrrgh... where should i start?

I went to the doctor and had a horrible meeting!
Not a horrible one where he tells me that i only have 1 month left to live and there is nothing he could do for me, but another type of horrible.

I have changed dr and have only been with this one for a while( a year, but only seen him twice).

First i told him that my last dr said i had duck feet(u know when the soles of your feet are flatter then they should be). So i was sent to a orthopaedic for some soles. They examined my foot and made me a sole but i think the old dr failed to write about this in the journal so now my new dr. wants to examine my feet....so he gets down on all fours and says " well there is a little space between the floor and your foot". Telling me that he doesn`t know what plat feet really is...did he believe that i would have feet like Donald Duck?

Duck feet doesn`t mean that your feet are completely flat!

So now i had to try and find the orthopaedic clinic i was in many years in hopes that they have some journal there.


Then he tried to check my reflexes by hammering my knees and there was no reaction

I was relaxed the whole time when he did this.
Then after the test i asked him what that could mean, seeing as i know there should have been a reaction. Then he said "oh don`t bother thinking about that". Then i said but isn`t that test meant to do something?
And what does it mean when i don`t get a reaction, then he said " well...it could mean that you have problems with both your legs because of ischiaas...but...it could be that you were tense..".
He hammered several times on both my legs.

I told him that i had been to a fysio once regarding tendonitis in my right arm, when she told me that i had it in both arms. I said it wouldn`t surprise me if i have it in both.

So nice to have a dr who works against me, that is really (NOT) making my life better.

I was just on the boarder in my blood pressure ( no wonder with him as my doctor)

Been to a lawyer because of trouble with employment office.
They are the ones who pay money for people who can`t work and now they are threatening with stopping out payments.

The lawyer couldn`t do much except for telling me to go back to my doctor for more examinations etc..
which i am going to try do again so i will see. I have an appointment with him(doc) l8r this month.
I have a long case that has been going on since 2001 so i don`t want to start and tell everything here.

The domino effect has highly affected my shituasion.

When one thing doesn`t work this has affected another things and so on and so on..probably others who have had the same thing?

I was anxious of taking the MR scanning last time i was there so there are some conditions regarding my health that i cannot document. So the lawyer told me to go back and give it another try.
He also said that he could only send a complaint letter to the employment office if they stop the money, so he told me to go back to him if they stop the money.
For now i still have money.

Didn`t really know what i should write her as my headline so i just made up something that could be interpreted in so many possibly ways that you should probably just keep on reading instead of looking at it!

I have been to a meeting today that was everything but nice, good and fine
I now stand for the risk of losing (all)my money

Luckily i have a tent and some matches so i am sure i could survive for one or two nights out in the wilderness on things i kill....

Surely the governments tactic is to psych out the weak ones until they take their own lives and then they don`t have to give them any more money.

A good tactic if you are a evil monster-it doesn`t work so well if you are a human being.

I have to go and see if a lawyer can help me in this on monday.

I refused to sign a piece of paper because of so many reasons that i don`t want to fill the screen up with now, it would take me forever to write down all the reasons, i can shorten it down to "the case worker was a As*hole".

So i have just written an eight page long email to my employment office (who also gives out the money to people who are not able to work).
I think my motivation is just what got me into all this trouble-ironically motivation changes its name into no motivation the more you try, so it can be a bit demotivating to even try.

That conclusion came from a guy i had only know for 5 minutes!

There is a long explanation to why he might have said it but i have already written it in a long letter so now i need to take a break.

In case my letter doesn`t satisfy the blood thirsty bureaucrats i am planning to see a lawyer monday evening to see if that might help my shituasion.

There!

In a big family there will always be O`s and L`s
I think people who are born in big families are more responsible people when it comes to having a social responsibility.

Now that i am elder i can see the impact it has made on me coming from a large family, i notice it when i am with friends and the way i interact with them.

Most people tend to care and concern about their own lives when they are being interactive and they don`t care so much for other people.

They tend to be like "me first then the others", whilst with people from a large family its different, they have been taught that the whole group of people need to be happy, so they are lingering more when it comes to who comes first and who gets served. They might look at the group and take a control over who is eldest, youngest, sickest etc..
Its a different responsibility, i am not saying that person`s coming from one child family don`t care about others.. i used to date a guy who had no siblings and he loved being around lots of people.
I noticed that he had a different way of "being" with them, he was more concerned about getting the group together so that he could have them as company.
He was good at coming with activity suggestions, but when it came to more deeper things and sharing, i felt as if he never considered that so much.
A lot of consequences regarding siblings that he never had seen.
In the end we broke up because of our differences.
I know that people get different responsibilities depending on their age & rank in the family too, if you are the youngest you get less, oldest gets more etc etc..

O`s & L`s are ok or good to have as long as they don`t become to heavy or confused like they did in my case where i had not one set of siblings but two and two of my siblings were ill because of the family situation. I also have one more half sister from my fathers second marriage who i only have meet twice. So i have a lot of eyes on me inside the family which makes a family conflict worse and more people you have to confront with, which can make it an impossible task. There is certainly no room for speculations in a big family as that will bring cackling threw the hen house.