Schizophrenia as well, huh? Interesting, but it's a terrifying thought for some reason.
We aren't supposed to be this messed up in the head. No, DID is enough. What went wrong, in my childhood, that I could have possibly deserved this? What if nothing went wrong, and I've just lost it...
Hell, we match 90% of what we know of schizophrenia, why can't we stop it at that? Oh, no, because we match 90% of DID as well.
I'm no therapist. I don't have the ability to do a self diagnosis, but I know better than anyone what exactly I experience.
... Is it even /possible/ to have both simultaneously? I did some searching and forum somewhere on here stated likely. Well, that's not very reliable is it? But at least it's something...
----
What if I'm just crazy; DID is what I have and that is all. Obviously that all is real. The hallucinations, the delusions, everything, just comes with it? The inability to make sense, generally, isn't that a part of it? What if it's because of everything that happens inside my mind? God.

We need a therapist, really. But we can't afford one... more so we won't even begin to talk about this to anyone. So, we aren't doing ourselves any good..
Sometimes, I feel as if I'm making all of this up.. that I can't think due to some common disorder, or pure unwillingness to pay attention. That i refused to let go of my imaginary friends from childhood. ..

In the end, I don't want to have schizophrenia, either. I already have a lot to deal with. I know, I know, I shouldn't complain, people do suffer worse. But hell, they don't deserve it either. Nothing can be so explicitly wrong with a person to deserve this. ... Just hoping, is all.

Sorry.

This is new. How I managed to ignore this is beyond me. I guess I never really thought about it before. Hell, I had no need to think about it before. Now I have time to, and boy, has it revealed so many things to me, even things I didn't pay any attention to.
-The constant foggy/fuzziness in my head, for starters. I guess I never really thought about how that /wasn't/ 'normal'. Now I just wonder, what is it like to have a clear, quiet mind? It must be unnerving.
-Voices. Well, of course that isn't 'normal' either, but voices could mean anything. Who knew?
-Memory. Oh, boy. When everything started mentioning "time loss" I thought for sure that 'symptom' wasn't mine. Then, I thought. How much of my life /did/ I actually remember? Pieces began to fall into place. I could hardly remember anything, but it made sense now. My sudden forgetfulness of something that JUST happened, or something someone JUST said, or any thing in the past. Family vacations, general things like where I went to dinner last week. Family would mention these things and I'm frequently in the dark. Time loss, definitely.
-Childhood. People talk about theirs all the time. Stupid things they did, toys, etc. Of all times, I just thought I had poor memory; no, it just turns out an entire time period is blocked. Interesting.
-The 'butterflies' feeling; apparently, that's anxiety. Who knew? But that one is on the fence.
-Photography. I've always had a problem with my self image. I always thought it was due to my self esteem, but my reflection never looked 'natural' to me, I guess. Like the mirror was wrong.

So, of course these types of revelations bring me relief, and some form of reassurance. It's all so fascinating to me as well. I wish I could learn more, but I'd have to figure out myself first. Speaking of myself, the negative revelations:

-I've always been aware of several alters, I just didn't realize they were called 'alters'. I never really did question why they had names though, but anyway: Looking at what co-conscious is, I guess I'm only slightly co-conscious. Is that even possible? Either way, this means I'm not aware of who else comes out/who else is here. It's slightly unnerving. Who else is taking control?
-What actually /happened/ so long ago?!
-The big one now: Who AM I? Am I ME? Or am I just an alter? A fragment? Who is the 'core' then?.....

There's so much more; just minor things, though. So it's a relief and a worry at once. I have so much to work with. For now, I just hope this blog thing will help settle my mind and help it straighten out. Everything is so cluttered. (and if anyone is reading, I'm sure you can tell by my writing. It's jumpy and everywhere My apologies if you are confused... I'm just figuring my mind.)

...I guess I'm just glad I'm not alone with this.

/rant.

We are a family. We are a close circle of friends. We are company.
We have our own talents, likes and dislikes, and habits.
T- I'm different because I'm left-handed. My current talent: Science. Likes: Tigers, the color orange, macaroni and cheese, video games, and music. Dislikes: Cats, the cold, getting wet or sprayed with water, energy drinks. Habit: Chewing on my thumb.

Bry- I'm gay. Talent: Story writing. Likes: Dogs, all colors, all kinds of food, showers, books, and movies. Dislikes: Cats, gum, teasing. Habit: Chewing the inside of my cheek.

Adri- I don't speak, and I am also the vegetarian. Talent: Drawing. Likes: Moose, red, coloring, and poetry. Dislikes: Loud and obnoxious noise, wind, being ignored. (Just because I don't speak doesn't mean I have nothing to say.) Habit: Tapping my fingers.

Riphere and Trane: We are the pair. Talent: Speaking. Likes: Red/Blue, birds, seafood, children. Dislikes: Brighter colors, the cold, tedious tasks. Habit: We speak our mind, a little too frequently.

As you can see, we are all separate. Just because we all live in the same place doesn't mean we are the same. This isn't even a glimpse into ourselves and you can already see us a people.

This is Us.

---- Trigger Warning ----

I'm starting to work out the pieces now. Giving a name to this has turned on some sort of light, I guess. It made me think. First, I lay out the puzzle.
-We can't handle yelling/screaming.
-We can't handle being touched. Close contact, hugs, or the such, all off limits.
-There is someone we can't physically be around.
-We can't remember the childhood. Anytime prior to when the body was in 6th grade is gone.
-Riphere keeping it a secret.
-We have dreams. Nightmares. Often about death; we're being hunted, it seems. Information is hidden, also by - I think - Riphere. Trying to recall it is just a bad idea all around.

So, there we have it. Our puzzle- or I should say, my puzzle. T says, "curiosity killed the cat". The others listen, say we should leave the information alone, Riphere is guarding it until it's right. I must be the cat, then. It's killing me not knowing, but at least I'm making connections. That's progress; unfortunately, my progress is limited. It's for the best, I suppose.

I shouldn't be so selfish.