To be contacted by your ex-love who once treated you bad and to be told that they made a mistake, is probably the most wanted fantasy when you are still in love with them. After a lot of emotional struggle, sadness, uncertainty and doubt, I had to make a decision to stay away in order to protect my health and my sanity. Something changed in me.. I had to change to stay alive. i had to start working on my codependent behavior. It felt just and it felt good after a while.

When she contacted me again, it brought back memories and triggered feelings. I realized I was not the same person who fell in love with them. They said they learned a lesson since and I have no reason to not believe them. It sounded sincere and I did not need them to feel guilty either. We both made mistakes.

Moving on was hard, but letting go felt good. I stopped being irritated all the time and started to see the happy side of life again. I have not fully healed yet, but I am slowly getting there with the help of a therapist. My point is that sometimes you are a stepping stone in someone else's life and if that is the case with us, I am happy they progressed towards a more caring person and I am happy that they changed me for someone more stabile in mind. Sometimes someone comes to your life and they shake you to the core. It hurts, but lets you see your "dark side". I don't think I would change the past if I could. I know that I stayed just as long as I still had the spark for them and that I will always love them and us and the way we used to be before it all turned "wrong".

I used to talk to an old lady and was mad at her for telling me that I needed to take care of myself first. She said I needed to put the oxygen mask on myself first when the plane starts going down...so I can start taking care of others right after. I would do that, but she is dead. She got pretty dramatic before she died, felt like she was asking for love and help. But maybe I am just projecting and anyway, I was taking care of myself first. Me first. Me first. Me first. I changed.