Much has been written for partners or friends associates of person who have strong narcisstic behaviours. Generally its "run for the hills", divorce etc.
Which is certainly one option. Sometimes for other reasons its not the option people want to take.
Religious veiws about marriage maybe.
Or even the much quoted 'better to be on your own", which is very nice unless you have actually experienced living on your own with kids in the car or in a share house or wondering really, how to treat kiddies headlice when you have no bathroom facilities. So sometimes its for financial reason (perhaps your are the person who is primary carer for children and find it difficult to get employment and raise the kids, a difficult task without any ouside support and employers dont take kindly to all the days off when kids are sick, holidays, not able to work overtime etc. Plus its just downright exhausting if you don't have high energy levels.
So perhaps you want to maintain a relationship?
I don't know if its possible but I have an idea:

One: Narcissists often get abused as a response to their behaviours.
I find this area is glossed over pretty much completely by every 'victim' of n abuse. The victims seem to not even wish to acknowledge they do mean things to these people in return. But thats another story.

Two:

This is an analogy:

I will use a dog as a narcisstic parnter (just for ease to try and make a point).

Ok, Person A, we will call her Cheryl, had for many years been fraught with angst about her dog.

The dog doesn't behave as she expects it to, it doesn't come when called, refuses to show good behaviours in response to praise or rewards. Sometimes it is affectionate and friendly, other times looks at her with what appears to be hostility or hatred. Its nothing like how her friends describe their loyal companions.
Many times it enjoys the affection it is given, but can at any time become aggressive, biting her hands or simply escaping and running off. Even in the process of being petted it can flip from sweet to nasty with very little warning (there is a little warning but have to be quick to pick up on it or blood will flow, and it would be Cheryl's).

This dog, she explains to friends or expert professionals is causing her confusion. At times she sits down and it doesn't come near her but when she leaves to go out for the day, it trots along behind her and sits in the window looking forlorn.
Taking it to the vet is a waste of time, it performs in perfect manners to the vet, something it also does with visitiors, some visitors will be given attention but many will simply be ignored or growled at.
Also, her dog disappears for days at a time, finding some escape in the yard. Once she found when she decided to try 'tough love' and show that she was not going to put up with this behaviour she discovered it was living with a family a few doors down.
Any firmness on its negative behaviours does nothing but bring a cold stare to her or it simply keeps its distance and then later continues to do just as it pleases.
Thinking maybe it was her.... she spent many hours finding out what faults she had that created this situation. People told her to just 'get rid of it". She read up on dog behaviour, maybe it was just a malfuncioning pooch and no hope at all for it. Experts told her she was wasting her time and only completely removing it from her life would bring her peace. Friends started getting irritated with her, why on earth did she keep the damn thing?
Cheryl wasn't stupid woman, and at some point realised, in fact there was nothing 'wrong' with her at all... so there must be another answer.

Anyway, one day, Cheryl, had a sudden realisation.

Her Dog was indeed.........................
A Cat.

You can not expect a Cat to act like a Dog.


Me, I've always tended to be a cat person.



if you enjoyed this and would like me to do further on this topic let me know.

Yes! I enjoyed reading that. It's a great analogy, clear and understandable. And YAY not blame-y. Please write more.

Why would the "dog" act reasonably if Cheryl only "loves" the "dog" if he can get the dog to change and behave how she expects him to. In other words, why would the dog change just for Cheryl's approval? You said "The dog doesn't behave as she expects it to, it doesn't come when called, refuses to show good behaviours in response to praise or rewards." Maybe the "dog" doesn't want to ever be manipulated in his life again and can tell that the praise and rewards are nothing more but an attempt at controlling him. Why does Cheryl have expectations for this "dog" to behave a certain way? I would call that entitlement which is a "dog" trait. So the real question is who is actually the "dog" in this example "Cherryl" or "The Dog"?

Scarface..... the point is no one needs to change.... Cheryl can decide if she can be happy with what she has, not to manipulate.
She can decide to accept "AS IS" or move on.
And yeah, praise etc can be controlling, as can many 'good deeds', its something I check myself on - am I being nice because I want the other person to act/do something in a way I want or because I just want to be/do nice for the sake of it?
Well.... to be honest that was a bit of an eye opener....
And the dog.... well its just my writing style, like to use parable type thing to make a point in a way its more interesting to read.... and leaves the reader with more questions than answers!
I have a dog and a cat.... they are different, like people are different.... neither is 'faulty' for having its own set of behaviours. They are both perfect.