I lay around the house all day doing physically, nothing. But in my head, I'm dealing with myself. 24/7. The cruel fate is that I can't escape myself.

I'm fighting angry thoughts, regret, guilt, embarrassment, and it won't go away... Sometimes I want to feel numb so I don't have to deal with this. But when I do, I hate it and just crave just one ounce of emotion.

I guess it's better to feel pain, than nothing at all.