What happened to my friends? What happened to my LIFE?

Like, seriously. I haven't seen most of them in months. Things just seem so difficult and overwhelming. A lot of them have moved, or gone to grad school, or are just plain busy. I should be busy, but I'm so ######6 lonely and yet at the same time feel completely incapable of relating to people, and so most of my projects are on hold/incomplete and I can't will myself to finish anything. All I want to do is talk about my problems, or the problems of society, or the principles of physics (which I've recently became fascinated with), and who's going to want to listen to me ramble on and on about this crap? No one I currently know seems all that interested in any of these principles. It's physically kind of crippling, and I just can't think of the clever things I used to, or be the person that I used to be. I've been considering going back a few months and looking at what I used to talk about with my friends, and try to get back in that mindset. I don't even really play music anymore, which I used to do a lot.

I feel like I've lost most of them at the expense of being extremely clingy with my girlfriend, who doesn't even seem to want to show affection to me anymore. But see, I'm probably just being clingy there too. I just spent a few hours with her while she went and did her errands, and I just have nothing to say anymore except tell her that I love her, want her, bla bla bla, except I don't even know if I do anymore. I don't even know what I want to talk about anymore. Or maybe I do, but it's just not what she wants to hear. I wanted her and me to do yoga, but she blew me off to go climbing with her friends, which I couldn't go to. I'm afraid to tell her that hurt my feelings because she just seems incapable of giving a damn, or maybe she's just given up on me ever being happy. I used to be happy.

There are too many different thoughts in my head that I can't accurately convey. I feel at about 20% of what I should be functioning at. My limbs are weak and my heart is heavy. I feel somewhere else most of the time, though I'm not sure where that somewhere else is - maybe some recess of my mind that isn't totally overwhelmed by the current #######5 state of the world and science and progress. I'm taking an antidepressant, and it doesn't really seem to be working.

Should I just take a Seroquel and try to forget and hope that tomorrow things are better? I'm afraid to do that because of the side effects of it, and I need to be on top of my $#%^ for work tomorrow. Did I mention I have an extremely stressful job as a consultant, which I really don't think is good for my mental health but I really don't know what else I can do. I'm just in a slump, I guess, but I don't even know where to go to get out of it. Maybe I should just move home, except I'm afraid I'll just get caught in an even worse slump there. But I seriously need a change, I think. Everything is so stale and stagnant and I just want to get the ###$ out of here.

Writing that all out kind of helped, but I'm still just not that interested in any of my current projects, and don't feel very excited about life. It sucks, just a few months ago I was much happier with everything, and everything seemed to finally be falling together, only to completely disappear.

This feels like a bizarre nightmare with no way out.