It is 2:35am, I am laying in bed unable to sleep. My wife has been asleep for at least 3 hours now.

I had yesterday off from work, so I decided to do the only thing I could think of to get out of my own head, I drank. But it wasn't the kind of fun drinking, it was the kind where I would drink way too much in a shirt amount of time and end up throwing up everywhere and passing out. I know that I am self medicating and that It isn't healthy for me to do that. My wife had a stern word about it with me this morning when I dragged myself out of bed about 11am. I am lucky that I am working the night shift for most of the times that I work.

I have hit a plateau with my depression. I am hoping that this means that there is a way out of it. It has been over 2weeks and I don't know how I haven't crumpled under the strain of it all.

I was meant to be going to a bucks night for a good friend of mine tomorrow night, but I have been flip flopping on the decision. I know that being in a social situation can help pull me out of the depression, but at the same time adding in drinking, which is not the best of ideas. I have now decided not to go, mainly due to my anxiety about having to talk to people and socialize. That seems strange to me, as I work in a supermarket as a cashier and I have to talk to people all day. But I think thr only way I can get thought that is because I can shut out the world and just do my job, being paid for it properly has something to do with it.

Well I better try and get some sleep

Landor