Ive lived over half of my life, keeping my symptoms to myself.
Being blessed with the worlds most understanding bf, I have done my best to vocalize whats going on in my head lately. The majority of my more hidden secrets come out when I am half asleep. Last night, when he asked me what the matter was, I couldnt deny his empathetic gaze. After some stuttering.. I said that I needed to stay awake.. despite being exhausted. because Im supposed to drill a hole in the back of my head, so I can place a long screw in it, in order to hold my head together.. and I know that thats wrong, so I have to make sure i dont do it. Of course now, I sit here and try to rationalize the details. Not why its wrong, but how i could get past all of the things that would make that act difficult.
But when i look across the room, He seems to have a concerned look. This wasnt passing babble, this wasnt random stories. My chaos is my own.. but now someone is worried about keeping me safe from myself. It just seems alittle more real today