May 21 2013

Today my stomach was.being a jerk an di couldnt walk again. Match that witha panic attackish and of course you get passing out and wnderfull stuff. I called my T and told him to be here soon and then they got there and couldnt find me bu ti was just on the couch. They found me and let me know they were looking all over for me. By they i mean him and my school councler. I had been going in and out of conciousnessbefor ethey got there. I mean FIGHTING. When they got ther eit was like poof wake up. Still in alot of pain i had a prewritten not eto call 911 and alist of my symptoms and a note that under no circumstances did thwy call my family. Well i fought hard. Stayed awake and couldnt move or talk. Councler went and grabbed my science teacher and helped me conjure up words. Th enext parts real fuzzy. Think maybe somehow i got into another room and then realized i couldnt talk and had my T grad my scienc eteacher who had disapeared. Deffinatly some dissociation goin on behind my back....
Anyways she got back in ther eand this is still fuzzy but i got some stuff out then i blacke dout and my teacher was holding my hand and i got really confused on what was going on. She was asking question sand i couldnt comprehend anything like all of a sudden the subject changed and sturf..... bu tit helped to have her there. I know im attached to her, and after all why wouldnt i be, she wa sth eone who tried to get me out of this wretched place. But its bad. Its like i want to curl up and cling to her leg and never let go. Shes so nice to me and has tried everything she can and has been so supportive and loving
tworads me an di dont want to leave. She never critisized me for bien gin pain. She never hurt my feelings and never denied everyone else. Never hit me never made me afraid. When she holds my hand im not afraid shes gonna hit me or "break".