Dealing with childhood trauma is really difficult, the only reason why I decided to take care of myself is after I started blacking out, taking pills, smoking anything to get me so numb so I wont have to feel anything, now I stopped everything but sleeping pills, I need at least that or I’ll pull all my hair out and eat everything I’ll find infront of me, yesterday night I got the urge to smoke, I started to feel my chest getting heavier and it was really hard to breathe and I was getting really irritated I needed that damn smoke not just one the whole damn pack, but it was really late I couldn’t get any, but I remembered something I watched on youtube about smoking teabags, I was planning on doing it after everyone in the house slept, none of my family member know about my bad habits, at the end I got tired of waiting took 4 sleeping pills and slept till the next day..