Hi again,

I have been thinking a lot today about why I am the way I am. I'm not really sure, Ive had a couple bad experiences but no where near the level traumaticness that some of you have gone through. I'm so sorry to all of you that have been hurt! Things I have experienced are no where near as bad as what other people have been through. I feel like a fraud! Like I have no right to be on here moaning.

Now I'm out of things to say, I feel like I should be writting stuff about my self, but When it comes to it I cant. Maybe that means I'm not ready to share, its just when I read other people's blogs and I see how strong they have been, oh I don't know, anyways laters.

Katrina x

Katrinas,
Hi there. When I read your entry I thought immediately about my first and only stay in the hospital... during which I felt like a complete fake for not having "real problems" like I saw all around me. Looking at people who were "worse" than me, and seeing some who weren't even coherent to know who they were or where they were made me feel like I had no business being there. Then one day a nurse heard me voicing my feelings and she walked up to me and said "Listen, just because you don't have the same problems as others does not make your issues invalid. Do not discount your problems because they are important to YOU. We do not measure whether or not a person "deserves" to be here to get help by the severity of their condition." Kinda made me not feel selfish or bad about wanting help. So you came on here for some reason... maybe known or unknown to you. That's a GOOD THING. If you felt the need to visit, that's all that counts. The site's not meant for us to judge each other or assess who's suffering the most... we're all suffering in some way that is impacting OUR quality of life.

Not trying to blast you... just want you to know that you are JUST as deserving to visit and find support on this site as anyone else with any other condition. You DO matter.

As far as blogs, they can be used for anything you wish... to vent, blabber, talk to others, journal, etc. If you look at some of my blogs, I just ramble and ramble with no actual point. If no one reads, I'm cool with that... I use the blog to just dump out crap that, until I came here, I had been manually writing out in a journal (typing's a lot quicker...lol). So type as little or as much as you like; have a point or none; talk to others, yourself, or no one in particular. It's all about having a safe place to say whatever the heck we need to get out of our heads.

And not everyone is strong all the time... I'm getting strong, but in the last couple of days I've trainwrecked on some stupid stuff and come here to just blather it out. The mind is a rollercoaster... what goes up, gravity tugs to come down. No one here will assess whether you're "doing ok" or not... it's when you're not that coming here might actually help.

Sorry if I sound like I'm preaching at you (I'm in my not-so-strong period and I accidentally get overblunt when I'm a bit weaker... so hope I haven't scared you off) Just wanted to reassure you that if/when you feel like typing anything on here, you are just as welcome as the rest of us

-Koshka

Koshka, thank you so much. That really is what I needed to hear. It doesn't sound at all like preaching, or over blunt. Youve helped me realise that no matter what the problem, how big or little, it's the effect it has on you that matters. I feel a bit more comfortable writing here now

Sorry to hear your feeling down at the minute, it will get better soon Im sure

Thank you sooo much

Katrina x

Katrina,
You're most welcome! I am so glad my words made you feel more at ease about being on here I have found this place to be one of acceptance and where it's alright for me to not always be ok and not always be having a good day. Out in the real world they tend to just want you to "get over it" or toss a good ol' "aw, it'll be ok" at you. And those of us wrestling with conditions and issues of varying degrees NEED sometimes to feel like crap and get it out and vent and cry and spill. I love that people here don't judge and recognize that we're all flawed in our own ways... and that it's ok. So, just know that here is a place where even when you don't feel ok with you, WE are ok with you... for all that you are

Strangely, today I've popped out of the funk I've been in for a few days. Nothing's changed in the situations I've got going, but for some reason today seems a little sunnier..... the great thing about BP is that the cruddy lows eventually start to swing back upward...lol

Hugs to you!
-Koshka

I'm glad your feeling up today, I feel a little good to today I had a really good sleep last night which doesn't often happen. I normally wake upalot through out the night, but not last night. I must have been having good dreams.

Katrina x

Hey, never underestimate the power of a good night's sleep! Glad to hear you were able to get some much needed sound rest... makes us better able to handle the day. Hope your today is a good one