I seriously don't understand what's wrong with me. I've had a rough life, yeah, but I've always managed to put a smile on and tell myself there will be better days, that there's hope. I had sooo much self control, and my anger and saddness was in check 100%. Everything was good. But now, I feel myself just hating everything, even myself. Nothing makes me happy, nothing makes me feel hopeful. I dunno how to fix this, cause idunno what changed it. I just feel so miserable all the time, and it's much more than depression.. i just feel so #######5 and useless. I always have this yucky feeling in my stomach and chest, like guilt and hurt and paranoia. It never goes away, and a few times this past week, I've woken up in the morning feeling completely sick to my stomach. I'm so unhappy, it's making me sick to my stomach. I don't understand... how could I possibly feel sooo horrible and not have a single clue as to why?! Can someone help me figure out what this is, and how I can go back to living a normal, happy, life.

Ya it is always a hell of a lot harder to fix something when ya cant see where its broke. You mention that your anger and saddness was in check 100%... I dont believe anger, or sadness can be kept in check. Its either there, or its not. Kinda sucks but with anger and sadness they just get worse and more painfull overtime. Anger being the more dangerous of the two. Only because anger can be used to motivate you and in some ways make you stronger for a while, but sooner or later it will grow past anyone's ability to control or even completely understand. It will consume you and everything around you. I only say this because I chose to walk that path and use anger as a tool. Used it when I needed it, and just shut it off when I did not want to feel it. Was awesome. Then one day everything seemed to be broken. Just made me more angry.
Also ya say that you had so much self control... Meaning that you have been having trouble with this as well?
Who knows.. Maybe we will stumble across the answer.
Eitherway no matter what just keep moving. Never stop. Hard to be sad or angry when you never stop to think about em.. Or so I have learned.