I've been posting on the board for quite some time and been a mod here for a few months. In the time I became a mod, my role here began to change, as it should do.

Every time I log in, I never quite know what to expect. I might have to sort out a conflict on a thread, move a topic, reply to someone who is hurting, encourage someone by PM or share some of my experiences in a way that can encourage people. As I gained more experience I began to mod other boards apart from HPD and learnt more about the different types of issues that people have. Some of the people kind of stuck with me and I would find myself wondering how they were when I logged off. I felt as if I knew others, how they'd react to certain things, and the best way to reply and respond to them. I also got to know the other mods and gained a real sense of what they are like as people. All the time, though, I felt as if I was playing out a role. Since my last thread about the parrots and removing masks, I've become very aware of some of the roles I play in life, and my moderator role was just another one.

Maybe the reason for this was because the people in the forum still didn't seem to be 100% real. They were all anonymous, with no faces, with the words that they had typed being the only thing to represent them. In a way I felt a bit removed, and as if I couldn't be 100% myself on here whilst posting. I felt like just another anonymous board member too.

I began to get to know the rest of the team, and in particular Cracked. She and I are the only mods on here who live in the UK and so we began to spend some time talking over the phone. Eventually we decided to meet up and she came to stay with me last week for a few days, and I showed her the sights of my home city. Well, we got on like a house on fire, and felt as if we'd known each other for ever. We spent time laughing, visiting the local sights, getting tipsy and hanging out like a couple of students, eating junk food, drinking a whole bottle of ouzo between us and putting the world to rights. Cracked had the brilliant idea that we should both get our eyebrows pierced, and I now have a double stud in my eyebrow. This will always remind me of the good time that we had.

The pleasant time we had, and the new friendship we forged, made me realise that every member on here who posts is a very real person, with hopes and dreams, life experience, memories, thoughts, feelings and opinions. No one here is a blank face behind a screen. Everyone on here matters, and whilst we may not always agree with each other, we're all valid and important. Something in me has now changed. My attitude to modding has also changed. My attitude to myself and the other members on here has changed. I want to lose the role of being Masq the Mod, and be a mod on here who is real, and who recognises the uniqueness of every single one of you. There is a saying that strangers are friends you have never met, and it's true. Maybe one day, I'll meet other people from here. I hope so, it would be awesome. I now feel as if another self imposed role or mask I've built up has slipped, and I hope to bring more of myself into the board, with more warmth, more reality, and be more human.

Here's to People, Ouzo and Eyebrow Piercings, (not forgetting parrots)

[quote="masquerade"]
The pleasant time we had, and the new friendship we forged, made me realise that every member on here who posts is a very real person, with hopes and dreams, life experience, memories, thoughts, feelings and opinions. No one here is a blank face behind a screen. Everyone on here matters, and whilst we may not always agree with each other, we're all valid and important.[/quote]

So true. I remember the first time I met people I'd gotten to know online, it was amazing.

I'm glad you and Cracked had such a good time!

Thanks hun. Hugs to you!

Im to antisocial to meet anyone. Why would I want to meet anyone!

Im glad you wrote this, PD is staring me in the face again. I feel like everyone is in a war trying to survive. The whole world is going to blow up, one must get what they can and hide. I guess not everyone is me or thinks like me.. Im so glad..

It feels a bit safer to leave a response on a blog since your a mod....

Hugs hon and thank you so much for having me. Also thank you for being such a fab person. You are so right. People here are real and it is good to have a way of realising that. I am so glad you have and I think it will make you even better at your job if that is possible

I had a wonderful time with you and I know that you are a true friend and someone who I cant wait to hang out with more.

Huge huge huge hugs to you and a below the ears and chin scratch for Cat.

Cracked xxx

Cracked, HUGE hugs to you!!

Omnicell, I have just read your post in the Hope Forum about Being Yourself and replied to it. I was very moved by it and want you to know that by writing it you've reached out to people, and that I heard you.