Some context: 20y old, from Spain, currently studying Computer Science. Long story short, have always been the "classic loner" so to speak although I always believed - rather was made to believe - that I just was shy, and that I needed to grow up in order to fulfill others' expectations and behave like everyone else. The more I was surrounded by people, the more anxiety I suffered, being small talk the thing I dreaded the most. In addition I wasn't interested neither in making friends nor getting a girlfriend, so socializing always seemed pretty pointless to me, and thus avoided it every time I could.

However this semester things totally messed up, due to the following reasons:

1) We changed our classrooms to ones which were half size, this may sound stupid but now I had to sit down with people in my both sides, that lone fact made my anxiety levels increase quite a bit.

2) There was a lesson which had to be done in groups of 4. Until now I avoided group projects, usually they were only something like 20% of the mark, so I could just give that up and pass by getting a good mark on the remaining 80%. This time however there was no option in doing so as the whole lesson was about working in groups.

In the very moment I heard the teacher stating how the lecture would work, I started sweating and innerly screamed to myself why on earth I picked that degree, but there was no way out. Groups were done by him which is something I appreciated, and we - them - introduced ourselves. The other 3 started talking as if they knew each other for a long time, while I just stared at the scenario, checking the time every ten minutes - seemed like hours to me.

My anxiety levels progressively increased, I was going to the bathroom twice a day and a cyst appeared in my ear (at first I didn't relate it to stress, but doctors said it was the reason). I dreaded going to college and started to skip some lessons, which were replaced by long walks. Moreover I started to loss any kind of motivation I ever had towards my degree, constantly asking myself why were I studying when I was neither interested on the subject nor would need big amouts of money in the future. I'm as unambitious as it can get and would be content living with just a computer, internet, and a bed.

From that point on, I faced - and still face - an existential crisis every day, didn't find any reason to do anything at all and spent the whole day diving in my head, at times I tried to study because, well, that's what I'm supposed to do, but couldn't focus. Apathy stroke hard and I no longer even cared about dying or living, life felt more meaningless than it usually did, and too heavy to carry on my back; I'm not suicidal but at this point I fully understand people who is.

Right now I can't do anything that demands more than 30 min. attention, I can't gather even the slightest motivation to study and I'm facing final exams in two weeks, I no longer fear the consequences of failing and that's a problem because with every single stone in the path I just feel like quitting, and can't convince myself to step back and continue studying.