its very confusing doing things online. I got signed up for 20 forums bout the problems I have. Some I found through my T and others with google. most I read before joining them, and the pay sites I had to get one of those store debit reload money on it cards cause I dont want online peoples to have my bank account not even pay pal. My T showed me how to use store debit cards for the pay sites. real easy. I went and read at all the sites first and saw lots of people saying they accept everyone, they dont bully, name call and the place is safe.

but then after I post lots of people bully, name call, tear apart my T, my therapy. the same peoples that posted they accept everyones and all that are the ones that do the bullying and all. so confusing. its no wonder politically the world is a mess. if peoples in online forums cant accept each other unconditionally like they say they do then how can the whole world stop fighting and have peace. just saying. its real confusing how whats supposed to be safe actually isnt.

My T says that sometimes peoples get so hurt that when they encounter something different than their selves they get triggered and do what their own abusers done to them.

what really matters is that I make my own choices in how I behaves online. I can be mean like others that are trying to be mean to me, or I can take the higher ground by continuing to accept others unconditionally and have strict boundaries for myself in what I choose to share with others.

that made lots of sense to me. Now I only posts the full stuff abouts me, my DID, my T and the therapy Im doing in 3 forums cause they havent done any bully stuff to me or anyone elses posts. The other 17 sites this being one of them I make sure not to post anything abouts my problems, therapy work and T, I mostly read and sometimes post but make clear what my boundaries are when someone tries to get me to talk about my therapy and my T.

I think what hurt me the most in this is not that they were bullying me and tearing apart my T and my therapy. its that Im not the only one on all these sites that have peoples doing IFS. maybe Im jest too sensitive but knowing others on these forums Im on are doing IFS and then they are watching as others are tearing apart me and my T and IFS. that cant make those others doing IFS feel very safe about posting abouts their T and doing IFS. I chose these sites partly cause there were peoples doing IFS, then peoples start tearing me doing IFS apart making it out to be name calling things. This cant have felt good to those others who are also doing IFS to be watching IFS being tore apart by the same peoples who say they accept everyone.

My T warned me she's been online forums for decades that lots of peoples dont like her cause shes a T and cause shes integrated and cause she knows things the fakers dont cause of her job and cause she's been all the ways though it from diagnosed all the way to being integrated. She went through bullying herself, she made it so that the bullies cant bully her any mores. she using ignore and reporting the bullies and having all her posts and pms moderated. this way the bullies cant post to her, they cant pm her and the moderators get to see for their selves the problem aint her. cause shes so strict on her boundaries it makes others angry they cant get to her no more, they try to post in other peoples thread to her but that dont work neither cause she just reports those posts and verifies with the mods that they have been on her ignore list for a long times and knows they are being ignored. she told me that some people online may ask me to put them on ignore/mute then even thoughs they asked me to do that, they gets angry at me for me for doing what they asked. I think that is the most funniest strange online thing to do, ask someone to mute and ignore and not post to them, then gets angry when you do ignore/ mute/ not post to them.

anyways cause my T knows how to do online forums in ways that keep her safe I asked her to register for the sites that I am on that she wasnt.. She's teaching me lots on how to be safe online and not pay the bullies any mind. this way too if I dos have a problem with something online my t can help me.

My T is really cool. shes a holistic native american therapist.

Holistic means she does the kind of therapy that is whole body and mind natural kind of therapy. lots of meditation, yoga, not forcing things like trying to develop communication, to let the alters talk when they wants to talk and be quiet when they wants to be quiet, its ok to switch during therapy but its not necessary. therapy is more problem / solution/ locate the triggers that makes me feel fars away and unfeeling like and switch. fix the triggers, keep noticing how my body feels and what I need to do to take cares of me. She says cause DID aint like a cold and im a grown up, the alters have their own way of knowing what needs to be done and when to do it, they dont needs me to tell them those things or do those things for them cause they have been doing their jobs of taking care of me and my triggers straight from the first alter that my mind created.

native american means shes an indian. cause shes indian she is big on nature and natural things, not lots of bs and stress. Sometimes we take our therapy to the woods where she has me touch things and notice things. she calls this grounding, finding things that are textured, colorful, tastes good. she even showed me a racoon family she found one night. and we watched how the momma raccoon was so calm and nurturing with her babies.

I think if peoples really got to know my T instead of making judgements they would see she's a really good T. and I knows I said I wasnt going to post abouts my T but right now it feels right to write what I an writes. its my blog and I can writes what I want in it and if peoples dont like my T they dont have to reads it anymore. like my T says about blogs peoples have to make their own choices and if they choose to read things that upset them thats their own thing. what matters is me and what I choose to do.