So inconsistent with interests, with motivation, it shakes my brain. When I try I fall the hardest. When I let it go I fall slowly, but continue falling. It was the like the dream I had, I could jump so high, I could fly for seconds, but the higher I jumped, the chance of crumbling instead of the ground splitting was greater. The second I start falling I wish I never jumped. I wish I never talked to my friends, never became friends. I wish I didn't have the pets I love that I can't even take care of. I wished I didn't listen to $#%^ therapists. I always know the best answer, what they're going to say. Is there no help for me? I feel smarter than anyone who's tried to help me. I already know what they are going to say, I could make better suggestions. Even when I make myself believe I couldn't. It makes it worse. I feel like ######6 Benjamin Button. Is that WEIRD at ALL. That the person I most relate to is BENJAMIN ######6 BUTTON. He isn't even close to being real. And he was wrinkly most of his life.
Ah well.