“Please wait until I come here one more time, then we'll talk about US”

That was what he promised before he took his flight.
That was 8 months ago.
He was here. He was with me.
He used to love to be hugged in morning.
He used to make me smile.
He used to say to friends that he'll kill to be loved the way I do.
That was before he knows i'm BPD.

“I won't gave up on you because u didn't gave up on me when I was at my low moments”

That was a month ago.
That was what he say when I told him honestly that I have problem.
That was his answer when I asked him if he still wants me.
I held on to his words.
I keep the other side of my bed empty and the room clean, for him.
I take good care the pet he left, in his journey for his career.

“There will never be US, ever!
There will only be YOU and ME.
We're together and I love you, but we're not US
Even if I MARRY SOMEONE, i'll still love you b/c you're special.
But WE can't get married, we're not US.
I hope you understand”

That was what constantly happen since few days ago.
So, I take my ride to get trapped in the same labyrinth...again.
His promise is overdue, his words is out of date.
Just like everybody else.

---Bound at every limb by my shackles of fear
Sealed with lies through so many tears
Lost from within, pursuing the end
I fight for the chance to be lied to again---
*evanescence