I am very secretive in terms of emotions. I always felt showing emotions(outside of anger) was a sign of weakness. Its a fear of judgement, I guess. I prefer to think my way through things.

This has made therapy difficult at times. Opening up to someone is extremely hard. I still have trouble with it. I did find a counseler I am comfortable with but it still is a struggle. In my 46 years of walking the eath, I have never opened up to anyone to the point that I bared my soul. Eventually, perhaps, with a counseler but it is tough.

The very last thing anyone would ever see me do is cry. For me, it would be the ultimate humliation. Again, rationally, it makes no sense but emotions are not rational. They are not ammenable to neat and tidy solutions, as are mathematical equations or a physics problem. I even feel humiliation and shame if I were to cry, even when alone. So I don't do it. Men don't cry. The odd thing is, when I see someone cry, I don't judge the person like that. This judegement only applies to me. That is pretty conflicting but whoeever said this issue was rational?

So, if someone asked me, "How are you feeling?", my answer would likely involve telling the person whatever I think will put me in the best light and involve what I think will be the least amount of judgement on the part of the person asking the question.

Rationally, it is obvious that this behavior is a result of extreme sensttivty to fear of criticism. Dealing with it is another story. In fact, sometimes I wish I dId not have emotions of any kind. Whatever evolutionary selective advantage emotions gave to our species when nature crafted our nervous system seems to be totally lost on me. They have always been a source of frustration and conflict rather than asisstance.

Again, rationally, part of the reason for such patterns is never having a family unit. Growing up in boardng homes and oprhanages, there is often not a whole lot of emotional interaction on a deeply personal level. Add to that, sexual abuse and bullying and it makes perfect rational sense why someone would react as such. I don't blame myself in this regards. I am just using defense mechanisms.

I would also find being in a intimate relationship very tough--too tough, emotionally. If someone were to say to me, "I love you", I honestly wouldnt kow what to say. What the heck do you say to that? "OK"?, "Thanks"? , "ahhh..that's nice"? Quite honestly, the reaction I would most likely have is not one of a positive feeling but a feeling of embarassment--red faced.

Going around life with the persona of Mr Spock is not exactly the way to get people to like you but it is just a front to hide whats really going on inside. Most people, not knowing this, pass judgements on you for being arrogant, aloof, or stuck up. So, in terms of getting people to like you, it can be a no-win situation. It is easy to just say, 'why even try?' -- which I have done many times. My answer is, I don't know why I try. I guess I still hold out hope that I can be liked for who I am, without all the baggage and if I let my guard down. It is a scary prospect, however.

Beam me up, Scotty !

You just summed up my life to a T! From the intimate relationships to the "how are you feeling story". I never really realized how much I mask how I truly feel until a year or so ago and now I am learning more and more about why I did that.

Both my parents were in the home and if you had asked me 10 years ago how my childhood was I'd say "It was perfect! So I don't get why I'm like this." But now when I analyze it a little deeper, I now get how emotionally distant my father was (he saw crying as weak) and how my mom never seemed to hear my pain when I opened up. It caused me to go inward.

Wow, thanks so much for posting this!

What people frequently overlook is Mr. Spock was only half-Vulcan Further, Vulcans DO feel emotions, they simply suppress them (much to the delight I'm sure of Federation psychologists who make a tidy living counselling them hehe.)

For us full-blooded humans, trying to pattern ourselves on Vulcan mental discipline is hopeless and self-defeating. We're emotionally expressive critters who lack the overall cultural training and discipline seen in the Vulcans. It's akin to swimming underwater and thinking you're a fish because you're underwater like real fish. At some point very soon you're going to be faced with the reality you're not a fish.

Be human, don't try to be something you're not.