Please Can I Have Some Support?

hi Guys

I saw a BP psychologist today. I admitted I have a problem with using certain drugs to numb myself out to deal with things like my mood and other stuff. This is longstanding and used to be worse when I was working. She says she has to tell my psych and that we all need to have a meeting. I have a care plan meeting on Tuesday where it will be brought up and also have to have a meeting with my psych and the psychologist too. The psychologist thinks there is a fair bit of stuff to be addressed tho she did acknowledge the bits of me that cope well- but said that all of me needs supporting to get well. She also thinks I may well need more meds to stop myself from self medicating. I think that there is going to be a fair bit of upheaval as a result of admitting it and I am very worried about it all - I am also very worried about posting this as I think I may be judged but I also think that I need to get some support to get through it all. I am going to try to keep doing mod stuff the same but if on some days I am quiet I apologise. Thanks guys in advance for any support.

Hugs

Cracked

Hi Cracked,

you're so brave to say this out in the open *big hug*

I agree that all of you needs supporting to get properly well. I am not going to pretend I am a doctor and say I know what support you need, but you know you have my PM box and all hugs you can eat available.

You're going through a tough time, and doing the moderating at the same time, you know I think you're great. Hope you don't mind -- I'm still going to think that. Self-medicating is a part of the illness more often than not, and who would know it better than you.

*hug*

Oliveira

Oh, CrackedGirl,

I understand completely. I have self medicated for 22 years, while I was on antidepressants and when I wasn't. I was chasing a better feeling or trying to tamp down a feeling that was too good and uncomfortable. The truth of this has come out in bits and pieces over the past two years with my therapist, but two weeks ago it ALL came out. I was so surprised at her response and that of my pdoc. They were both so great with it and really were not surprised at all, based on the depths of my depression and the heights of mania. I just never revealed it for the dislike of the label of "addict," which I already had and went to rehab for, but I wasn't completely honest to people at rehab either. I figured no one could have taken the things I've taken and be loved, accepted or taken seriously, except possibly by the authorities as a thief or druggie. Being so honest, really honest with them (therapist & pdoc) and myself has relieved so much guilt I've been carrying. Of course I'm responsible for the things I've done and the choices I've made, I just now can understand what was behind all of my poor choices and work to correct my thinking and choose better in the future.

CrackedGirl, you are not your choices and I am not mine. We are intelligent, caring and giving people who have an illness and we tend to fight ourselves at every turn to keep it under control. Right now may be the time you have to relinquish some of that control to those who know what may be better for you right now, until you are able to realize the same thing yourself.

Big hugs and know I'm on your side.

Alice

I know where you're coming from. I've done my fair share of self-medicating in the past, and it got me sent to rehab for five weeks back in 2009. I won't lie, I still do it to try to avoid/deal with my depression. It's the only way I know how. I think you finally admitting it to someone is an important step in your recovery, and you should be proud that you had the courage to do so. It's not always easy reaching out to people in fear of being judged or rejected.

Just know that we're here for you to help you through this. Feel free to PM me anytime if you're struggling. I'm not working or going to school anymore, so I'm on here quite often throughout the day.

Lots of hugs!

Nupy

*hugs hon* You admitted you have a problem to your psych and to us and that is very brave and part of changing this so you can hopefully deal with your moods in a better, healthier way in the future. I know it’s a struggle and that you are doing the best you can. You always have my support and as for judgement, I judge you to be wonderful, as I always have.
*more hugs*
Jan

Huge hugs guys

I am really humbled and emotional about your replies- thank you so much

HUge huge huge hugs and thank you

Cracked xxx

I'm drawing blanks on what would be the right words to say since what you're going through isn't like anything I've been through. But I sense that you need to know people still care, and I do. So big hugs to you as you get to your next level. I've read a lot about this self-medicating in these forums. You're not the first to do it. So don't worry too much about people judging you.

DITL thank you - you are always so supportive of me and I am extremely grateful

Huge hugs

Cracked

You were very brave to share that with not only your psychologist but also with this forum. I understand self medicating, as I too have done this from time to time with my prescription medication (That's part of why I'm only allowed to hold a days worth of medication at a time) I hope that your team responds well and doesn't over react. It was a big step for you to just admit it to yourself enough to bring it to your team's attention. Hang in there and know that I'm sending positive thoughts your way!

Thank you so so much honey for being so understanding. It is lovely of you and I appreciate the support so much. I feel wiped out now after today so I think I am going to go to bed and knowing you guys are here means so much to me - hopefully I will be able to sleep a bit better knowing that.

Huge hugs

Cracked