People who must point out your avoidance.

Yup, I've been called out by females in many classes throughout the years, very embarrassing and hard when the whole focus shifts to you uncomfortably.

People like that guy in your class have "other" personality disorders in my opinion. He might be a Narc or something.

I think in a strange way people who do that to others are trying to devalue them? Because they know they're putting you on the spot.

I'm not avoidant and I hate to break it to you, but this kind of thing is usually done to belittle you, embarrass you, and make you look like a loser.

You're not breaking it to us. It's kinda obvious, at least to me.

- EGD.

SecretHermit wrote:They'd say "that kid never smiles" or "it's always the quiet ones you need to watch out for" or something. They'd always seem to make a point of saying it loud enough that I could hear like they don't acknowledge that quiet people have any feelings or something.

i got (and still get) this all the time. people always tell me to smile, or say "you talk too much!" because i never say anything. and people always tell me how quiet i am. it's not my fault if i only talk when i feel like i have something worthwhile to say! i don't know what people want from me- am i supposed to smile all the time? am i supposed to just talk even though i have nothing to say?
i forget to smile most of the time, and often times i forget to talk. it's just how i am. i wish people didn't always have to point it out to me and make me feel so uncomfortable.

alwaysalone wrote:

SecretHermit wrote:They'd say "that kid never smiles" or "it's always the quiet ones you need to watch out for" or something. They'd always seem to make a point of saying it loud enough that I could hear like they don't acknowledge that quiet people have any feelings or something.

i got (and still get) this all the time. people always tell me to smile, or say "you talk too much!" because i never say anything. and people always tell me how quiet i am.

I get this too. For a while my boss, (and I know the comment was half joking and was well intended), wanted to continually tell me how I needed to find a boyfriend, or go out more. In the end I very bravely told him that while I knew he was only joking, what he was saying was making me feel really hurt, and that it was something I spent enough time beating myself up over, and I didn't need his help to beat myself up. He knows about some of my problems, and he got the idea, but why do people have to make you feel even worse about your inadequacies?

EarlGreyDregs wrote:You're not breaking it to us. It's kinda obvious, at least to me.

- EGD.

Ok. I was not trying to be condescending. I noticed that some posters brushed it off and didn't interpret it as malicious.

Well it's hard to hear his tone from this forum, isn't it? But whatever..

EarlGreyDregs wrote:You're not breaking it to us. It's kinda obvious, at least to me.

Actually I don't think this person was trying to be malicious. I don't have enough information yet. He could just as easily like me or be intrigued by me... and trying to get attention... but yes... often this kind of thing is malicious in intent.

Tonight he was very quiet so... maybe he was just bored ... I agree it is too bad to find this kind of behavior in an adult class.

Yeah, I know, he might not have been malicious. ^, I didn't mean that. I was just kinda talking about in general, a lot of people are trying to make us feel embarrassed & such. Some boys that used to say these things to me, I had a feeling maybe they liked me. Kinda middle school-ish behaviour, but I know it wasn't malicious. But some other people that said stuff like that, I could tell it was meant to embarrass me.

LittleBoyLost - Don't worry, I didn't interpret what you said badly. I noticed others were brushing it off too - I just agreed with you.

- EGD.

I really hate it when that happens. Just a day ago, a friend of mine told me that I don't say much and I'm really closed off. It was surprising and disappointing to hear because I can appear to be quite talkative and sociable and I've been doing that when I'm with her. But it seems like she can see it right through me. It really is no big deal, although it's been something that has been bothering me because I feel like I can't let things go like everyone else. I guess that's what avoidants hate, being pointed out.