Are you able to forgive people for insensitive remarks?

I was in another thread and this thought came up. I can kind of forgive people. But it always sticks in the back of my mind. Here's the exapmple I gave -I have a 64 year old friend who I go to the opera with. I had told her how I saved up money and paid $11,000 cash for a car. It's the best way to do it - you end up paying $4000 more in interest if you get a loan. Then I tell het how much money a dentist ripped me off for by putting in bad work. She says I shouldn't complain about the $5000 the dentist ripped me off for if I have 11 k for the car. it's actually more than $5,000. Does that make any f#@&%ing sense. Just because I was smart and saved up money for a car it's alright for a dentist to rip me off??? I gave it to her. Stupid. And really insensitive.

i've talked to her since then and even gone to opera with her. But I still think about that. And I am considering cutting her off completely to avoid any future comments like that. i'm still in pain. The last set of crowns my new dentist put in are very irritating. It feels like the reaction I get to acrylic - I've got a mouth full of sour cotton. I think he screwed up again.

What she says doesn't make sense. Stupid people are annoying. Stupid people who cost you because they are either stupid or immoral or both can be infuriating. But ...

... sometimes if I'm with someone who complains more than me (kinda rare) I fall into the role of "the glass is half full". Do you ever get that? And sometimes you say things that are positive but insensitive not deliberately but because the person complaint's are boring and you really just wanted the complaining to stop.

Next time maybe don't emphasize the money but the feeling hurt, betrayed, the inequity of it all and you might get the intended reaction (?) of sympathy. Also talk about good things in your life. Like prostitutes. Um... maybe not.

Did her statement make sense on any level? If the money you gain on transaction A is greater than the money you lose on transaction B, overall you will have gained money. There is no way you could avoid transaction B. Your performance is acceptable, yes? Its a question of framing isn't it. If you compare transaction A and B in this world with transaction A and B in the ideal world where professionals don't screw the trust you place in them and everyone is intelligent enough to realize that the interest payments on a car loan are too onerous, then yes, you got a raw deal.

Maybe write a letter spelling out in detail how you think she should have reacted and apologize for your giving it to her. And I hope you meant you gave it to her in the sense that you told her off ... she's 64 you heathen.

Parador, if this commentary really affected you, and you appreciate the friendship with this woman, the only thing you have to do is to talk to her and say that you didn´t like the stupid commentary (not with these words, that´s clear). Perhaps she realised that she passed the line.

Friends can be a pain. I'm not sure I want any. I told her that she wan't making any sense - not so calmly - and she agreed. But I don't know how anyone could think that in the first place. She knows that I work a modest paying job.

I am probably oversensitive because of things I have suffered in the past. Tha name calling and cruel remarks from school have given me this reflex. It seems if you let a person get away with it once they take it as a sign that they can use you as a punching bag and they start piling on. That's the kind of thing that happened in school.

I suppose one stupid comment is not so bad. But how many times should you let someone say rude things before you cut them out of your life?

Also talk about good things in your life. Like prostitutes. Um... maybe not.

It sure would be great to have the money back from the dentsist to spend on hookers. Somehow I think if I told her I spend money on hookers she would not be so sympathetic.

Tell the stupid bitch to pay the extra $5k for your car and you'll donate your $5k to charity, stupid bitch

Parador wrote:I suppose one stupid comment is not so bad. But how many times should you let someone say rude things before you cut them out of your life?

77 times.

Steve234 wrote:Tell the stupid bitch to pay the extra $5k for your car and you'll donate your $5k to charity, stupid bitch

You´re talking about a friend of a member in this forum, so I´ll ask you a bit of respect! This is a typical example of a commentary that bothers me.
Why have you said it?

Parador wrote:

Friends can be a pain. I'm not sure I want any. I told her that she wan't making any sense - not so calmly - and she agreed. But I don't know how anyone could think that in the first place.

Yes, your friend said a non sense thing. Coño, she´s 64 years old. Some people talk before think and not viceversa.

I suppose one stupid comment is not so bad. But how many times should you let someone say rude things before you cut them out of your life?

This is your choose. My close friends don´t usually say things like that, if you really give any value to the friendship with this woman, go on with it. Talking to her is the best you could do. Well done!

It sure would be great to have the money back from the dentsist to spend on hookers. Somehow I think if I told her I spend money on hookers she would not be so sympathetic.[/

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Each one, spend the money whatever he wants. And you have the right to demand the money from this dentist.

I did demand money back from the dentist. He would not give any back. I filed a complain that seems to have gone nowhere. Lawyers will not take the case because it costs too much to file dental malpractice. She knows this story too. It has been incredibly frustrating.

blob wrote:

Parador wrote:I suppose one stupid comment is not so bad. But how many times should you let someone say rude things before you cut them out of your life?

77 times.

That is far too many. I would have chopped her up with a dull steak knife by that time.