Blocked someone today - on Pinterest of all places!

anotherfinemess wrote:I spoke too soon! WhatsApp Lady has messaged again with "Good evening, I hope you are OK?" There was I hoping for a gentle drifting away. I honestly don't want to just block - we've got some mutual friends & the fall-out will be most unpleasant. Looks like it's time for the polite-yet-firm message after all... gah!

Its all gonna work out fine mate, good luck!

Do avoidants often feel smothered by this sort of thing?

If she keeps messaging you, you can always try gradually increasing the amount of time before you respond. Tell yourself "I won't say anything [for two hours/until tomorrow/whatever]". By the time you're replying once a week people usually clue in and give you some space. It's not ghosting, it's self-care.

SkeletonWarDraftee wrote:Do avoidants often feel smothered by this sort of thing?

Yes

CelestialFlame wrote:

anotherfinemess wrote:I spoke too soon! WhatsApp Lady has messaged again with "Good evening, I hope you are OK?" There was I hoping for a gentle drifting away. I honestly don't want to just block - we've got some mutual friends & the fall-out will be most unpleasant. Looks like it's time for the polite-yet-firm message after all... gah!

Its all gonna work out fine mate, good luck!

Thanks, CelestialFlame! I'm hoping she & I can work out a compromise, unless she's one of these "my way or the highway" types (like my Mum lol!) But I have to do something! This is probably a good exercise in creating boundaries and sticking to them! I can't make her behave in a certain way - I can only change my behaviour around her.

-- Tue Feb 27, 2018 12:03 am --

SkeletonWarDraftee wrote:Do avoidants often feel smothered by this sort of thing?

If she keeps messaging you, you can always try gradually increasing the amount of time before you respond. Tell yourself "I won't say anything [for two hours/until tomorrow/whatever]". By the time you're replying once a week people usually clue in and give you some space. It's not ghosting, it's self-care.

Thanks, SkeletonWarDraftee - yes, this situation is an Avoidant's nightmare, but I don't think anyone, Avoidant or not, likes being texted multiple times a day, especially by someone they don't really know! Your idea of fading out is a good one - I've sort of tried it but she still messages me. I didn't message her at all today & was relieved not to hear from her but tonight there she was, wishing me goodnight & asking if I am OK!

Yeah, social media can be very invasive. If I used it, I'd try to choose a specific time of day to check up on texts or DMs, while spending the rest of the day logged out. (I don't really know if you can do that with a phone, but maybe there's some way to mute the notifications?) Not that I know much about maintaining a comfortable and healthy level of social engagement, ha.

Thanks for responding to my question - it's handy to know that.

SkeletonWarDraftee wrote:Yeah, social media can be very invasive. If I used it, I'd try to choose a specific time of day to check up on texts or DMs, while spending the rest of the day logged out. (I don't really know if you can do that with a phone, but maybe there's some way to mute the notifications?) Not that I know much about maintaining a comfortable and healthy level of social engagement, ha.

Thanks for responding to my question - it's handy to know that.

You're welcome! I sometimes wish social media had never been invented! You can mute notifications on WhatsApp - I did that with WhatsApp lady for a day or two. Tempting though it is to put my phone into airplane mode forever, I can't really do that lol!

SkeletonWarDraftee wrote:Yeah, social media can be very invasive. If I used it, I'd try to choose a specific time of day to check up on texts or DMs, while spending the rest of the day logged out. (I don't really know if you can do that with a phone, but maybe there's some way to mute the notifications?) Not that I know much about maintaining a comfortable and healthy level of social engagement, ha.

Thanks for responding to my question - it's handy to know that.

Well it is possible, skeleton, for some social medias to not have notifications on like facebook/twitter/snapchat among others which definitely helps to keep me from being overwhelmed. I can check social media whenever i want because the notifications arent pushing them to the front of my mind.


Im glad you’re getting this experience, anotherfinemess, because you will definitely deal with this again in your life. This happens plenty of times with my some of my friends who are way too social for me to constantly be communicating with. It helps that they know about the disorder but its not always necessary. You can always tell her that you have anxiety, if she doesn’t understand at first

CelestialFlame wrote:

SkeletonWarDraftee wrote:Yeah, social media can be very invasive. If I used it, I'd try to choose a specific time of day to check up on texts or DMs, while spending the rest of the day logged out. (I don't really know if you can do that with a phone, but maybe there's some way to mute the notifications?) Not that I know much about maintaining a comfortable and healthy level of social engagement, ha.

Thanks for responding to my question - it's handy to know that.

Well it is possible, skeleton, for some social medias to not have notifications on like facebook/twitter/snapchat among others which definitely helps to keep me from being overwhelmed. I can check social media whenever i want because the notifications arent pushing them to the front of my mind.


Im glad you’re getting this experience, anotherfinemess, because you will definitely deal with this again in your life. This happens plenty of times with my some of my friends who are way too social for me to constantly be communicating with. It helps that they know about the disorder but its not always necessary. You can always tell her that you have anxiety, if she doesn’t understand at first

Thanks CelestialFlame - I've turned off all my social media notifications; couldn't cope with my phone pinging at me all day!

Yes, this is a learning experience lol! I will start off by sending her the message I thought of eariler, about feeling overwhelmed by social media & messaging and suggesting that we catch up say once a week - see what happens! It's interesting that she didn't message me until this evening - that's not like her. Maybe she is cutting down. We'll see what happens tomorrow!

Hello, all! I think I've reached the point of no return with WhatsApp Lady (the lady who "followed" me from Twitter on to WhatsApp and now messages me around 3-4 times a day.) I've got an awful cold & feel like nothing on Earth. Last night she texted me "Good evening, how are you?" I told her I was feeling pretty awful - which is true - I've not been out for a week! Had a rotten night with coughing which puts a strain on my poor ileostomy. Just now, my WhatsApp pings again - it's her "Good morning! How are you today? How did you sleep?" I haven't got the energy to deal with it right now. I'm not replying & I've put my phone into airplane mode for a few hours. I've almost reached the point of not caring; I feel so rubbish! Am I a terrible person?

OK, further to the above post, I decided it was time to grab the bull by the horns, and sent her the following message: "Hi, WA Lady! Alas, I'm still feeling pretty yucky - not up to much today! Actually, I was just thinking - I'm finding keeping up with messaging and social media a bit overwhelming at the moment, but I do enjoy our chats, so maybe we could catch up say once or twice a week? That would be great!" And since I feel so rubbish & can't deal with any fall-out, I've put her on mute so I don't have to deal with it all straightaway. I feel like a right meanie because she's a nice lady but it was all too much! I feel rubbish, so I'm off back to bed lol!