For anyone that doesn't know, retroactive jealousy is when you are irrationally preoccupied with your partner's past life to the point that it actually impairs your ability to function socially with them.
So basically this is my problem. We have been together for a couple of years and for the most part everything is wonderful- she is my best friend and, apart from my nuclear family, it is the most important and meaningful relationship I've ever had. I cannot tell you how much I love her
But every now and then something really bothers me. She has told me a fair bit about her past sex life. She has slept with 6 guys before me and done stuff with a few others. I know quite a lot of the details which I won't go into. This just really bothers me, I can't stop picturing her doing things to these guys and when I do it makes me incredibly unhappy, gives me a deadening feeling in my stomach etc. Not only this- it makes me act unpleasantly towards her and other people when I get in one of these moods.
I only get this obsessively when she is away from me for some time, so when I am around her regularly (which is mostly), I forget about it. But I want it to stop completely..
Thing is though, there is a further complication: I am a MASSIVE HYPOCRITE! I am actually ashamed for even writing this.
-I have slept with one more person than her, but she thinks I have slept with less people (at least she was truthful!)
-All the girls before her were one night stands, at least two of hers were boyfriends
-All the girls before her were rather cheap and slutty (won't go into details), she had known the vast majority of the guys she did things with for some time
I can see that rationally I simply cannot say anything because I don't have a leg to stand on. Besides, she has told me that she loves me more than anyone ever before, I am the first person to give her an orgasm, she wishes she had known me before so she could have been with me earlier/lost her virginity to me etc But I don't think I am a particularly rational person when it comes to this sort of thing.
On the side, I have problems in the form of mild depression and anxiety, I suspect also that I may have some form of Avoidant Personality Disorder and I definitely have an obsessive personality. I am jealous of her social life and feel very lonely sometimes.
I realise I don't come across as a very pleasant character but I'd really appreciate any advice anyone has as this has gone on too long.