The Mapping Out My Partner's System thread

So I wanted to start a thread which will allow us to record and look back on what we've seen of her system so far. Some basic info: I'm 20, my partner is 25 and has been diagnosed with DID for many years, we've been together for 9 months, and recently she's been dissociating into different 'versions' of herself.



POSSIBLE ALTERS MET
(they're all using her name thus far, so I'm going to give them nicknames for the sake of clarity)

• Sam
The 22 year old version of her from when she was in a psychiatric ward in the hospital. Possibly a protector, definitely a dominant alter, comes out the most. Very 'cool' and 'swaggy', extremely charismatic, guarded, but slowly dropping her guard around me. "Doesn't do feelings", very to the point and very forward. Tender under that facade. Doesn't seem to have any memory between the time she separated and the present. She seems to be convinced that she is still in the hospital and rationalised that I must be a new patient. Relives my partner's days at the hospital but integrates me into these memories (hers, not mu partner's).

• other Sam
The 22 year old version of her just after she got out of the hospital. Kind of shy around me, happy-go-lucky, high spirited, says she's trying to be more "open" and less afraid after getting out of the hospital. Only met her once, almost seemed like she came out just to meet me.

• little Sam
Only met her once, the same alter that my partner's therapist met, probably the original. We estimated her to be somewhere between 5 and 10 years old. Misses the Bill the pony, a pony she used to ride.

• Annie
Never met her, the 5 year old imaginary friend wearing a yellow shirt that my partner had when she was the same age. Her favourite food was chicken fingers. Never came out, but we're considering the possibility that this could have been an alter since my partner used to very much see her.


THEORIES
(developed thanks to this forum, discussions between us, as well as discussions with the T)
• Sam knows she's an alter - and knows everything that's been going on since the separation - and is just hiding that fact and playing into the idea of my partner 'rewinding' to hide the system and protect my partner. Extremely cunning and manipulative. If this is the case, she likely know the most about the system - i.e. how many alters there are, why they are there, etc. She might also not know anything, in which case I was told to gently try to bring her out and make her realise she isn't in the hospital.
• The alters are coexisting peacefully and cooperating in order to help my partner.
• Sam has something to tell us.
• Little Sam holds the most painful memories.
• All of the alters won't be too different from my partner, and she'll probably have between 3 and 4 of them in total (suggested by the T that's been treating my partner for 9 years)


QUESTIONS
(things we'll be trying to find answers to)
• Are these personalities alters or fragments?
• Is Sam the Protector/Gatekeeper?
• Is she trying to tell us something? What is it? Is she trying to tell me something that my partner can't tell me or bear to tell me herself?
• How many alters are there?
• What are their names?
• Does Sam know everything that my partner has been through since Sam was created, or do her memories cut off when she was separated?


PLAN
(steps we'll be taking to obtain these answers)
• Following the T's instructions, tonight we'll try to induce dissociation with one of the videos of the alters. We're hoping I'll get to talk to Sam, as she might very well hold some answers. I will approach her as an individual. If she admits to being an alter, I am to ask, "If I wanted to speak to [partner's name] right now, could I?" so that she feels in control and so that she doesn't feel like I don't want to talk to her.
• If Sam does come out and she's not aware of being an alter, I am to gently bring her attention to the fact that she is not in the hospital anymore. My partner will point out the differences I could bring her attention to beforehand.
• In any case I will "start over" with Sam and treat her as if I didn't know her (in the beginning I still very much treated her like my partner) so that I might get to know her and she might feel comfortable with revealing things to me.

---

That's it for now, I'll record things as we go! If you have any tips or suggestions, please let me know.

I can t think of immediate advice, but I just wanted to let you know I think you ve thought everythin through and are dealin with the situation in a very structured way.

I hope you both can find the answers you need.

Nina11

Thank you!

So, everything went very well. Extremely well, even. Better than any of us expected. Sorry it took me so long, but I pretty much spent yesterday getting to know them and telling my partner all about them. All in all they're fantastic - I love them - and very cooperative. They have my partner's best interests in mind and are there to help her as well as to give her answers. They all really care about our relationship and approve of me, and don't want anything or anyone to come between us.

ALTERS

• Nif
(formerly "Sam")
Role: Protector and Gatekeeper
Age: Unclear/not defined (25 seems acceptable to her)
History: Second alter to come out, she's been with my partner for at least 10 years. Created because Little J needed someone to look after her.
Personality: Very laid back, tough and witty. Extremely charismatic, highly intelligent, highly perceptive, cunning and manipulative at times. She can be impulsive and reckless, essentially the troublemaker. She's not interested in feelings, but is very interested in having fun and sex. HUGE, but loveable, ego. Comes across at selfish at times but there's more to her.
Relationships: Loves my partner and cares about her deeply, even if she refuses to admit it at times. Admitted that my partner is her (their) priority. Dislikes Janey and thinks she's a "pain in the ass" and that she's weak and needs to toughen up, but she doesn't hate her and I think on some level she even loves her, in her own way. Loves Little J and does what's best for her. Likes me, even loves me on some level and is very attracted to me. Made it clear that she doesn't want anyone else and even if she did, she wouldn't act on it for the sake of my partner.
Likes: sex, "getting f*cked up", wearing plaid, Pink Floyd, Radiohead, Nine Inch Nails, Hannibal movies.
Dislikes: indie music, know-it-alls, my partner's exes, authority


• Janey
(formerly "other Sam")
Role: Unclear (seems to be the yin to Nif's yang)
Age: Unclear/not defined (25 seems acceptable to her)
History: Last alter to come out, unclear when.
Personality: Very sweet, genteel, caring and kind. Very sensitive and emotional. Huge romantic. Stands up to Nif from time to time when Nif is being mean to her or is about to suggest something that might not be good for my partner (such as coming out of dissociation drunk - surprisingly Nif kind of listens). Extremely selfless. Very good and proper manners, gentle demeanour.
Relationships: Loves and cares about my partner. Loves Little J and comforts her. Not entirely sure what she thinks about Nif, but she definitely doesn't dislike her. Likes me a lot and I think loves me on some level, possibly has a crush on me.
Likes: cooking and baking, indie music (The Five Ghosts is her favourite Stars album), nature and documentary shows, The Notebook, reading - especially the classics (Austen, Bronte sisters, Dickens)
Dislikes: plaid, some of the music Nif is partial to, Hannibal movies


• Little J
(formerly "little Sam")
Role: The Original, holds memories
Age: 5
History: First alter to be created
Personality: Really adorable, curious about the world but can be shy at times, spunky, fragile. Doesn't trust anyone (with a few exceptions).
Relationships: Loves Nif, Janey and my partner. Really likes me and trusts me. Nif hinted that as much as they look after her, she looks after them too.
Likes: the colour yellow, drawing (especially drawing suns), Clifford the Big Red Dog, animals, stories
Dislikes: princesses (she thinks they're stupid), scary things

-- Tue Mar 05, 2013 3:18 pm --

So on a more personal note, I loved meeting them all and have begun to develop my own relationships with the alters. My partner has now accepted them, finds it all as interesting as I do and I don't think she's scared anymore that this would drive me away. As soon as Nif came out the first time that day, she indeed, just like the T predicted, dropped the whole "I'm [partner's name] in the hospital]" charade. Her mannerisms became more distinct from my partner, as did Janey's. I spent the most time talking to Nif, as I connect with her the most (she, my partner and I are the most alike in the family), also because she's, in a way, "the boss" and calls the shots. Janey came out to hang out with me and also a few times to take care of the grilled cheese (as I was useless without my partner in regards to when they're meant to come out from the oven). Nif admitted to using sex partially to distract me from what was going on as my partner wasn't ready to know about them before her conversation with the T. I enjoyed hearing their banter and interaction very much - they have interesting relationships between themselves. They were all very helpful in terms of giving us answers (at least regarding things that they thought my partner was ready to hear). Nif came back later and said she has a surprise for me - Little J wanted to meet me because they all got to hang out with me except for her. She said she didn't see it coming and didn't think Little J would come out so soon as Little J doesn't trust anyone, but here she was, and although Nif was with her monitoring how our meeting was going, I think she let Little J stay longer than she anticipated originally. In the evening, before my and my partner went to sleep, Little J showed up again (allegedly without Nif's permission!) because she wanted to say goodnight.

I really, really enjoyed meeting them.

We'll see what the T says, but both me and my partner think that this isn't a "problem" to get rid of, and we're happy to let things unfold at their own pace. They're here for a reason and they're not here to hurt her. So no medication or trying to get rid of the alters - if they integrate then they will, if they won't then, well, they won't. I want whatever is best for my partner, and so do they. I'd be equally happy to have them around even if the healing process was finished and I think my partner is warming up to the idea too. The next step seems to be working on internal communication - they all would like to be able to speak to my partner directly - whenever she's ready. Does anyone have any tips on how to achieve this?