Have you tried to reduce your libido?

My first thread goes here, sorry for this
I'm a 26yo male pedophile. I'm only attracted to preteen boys (at ages about 9-13). I've never touched a child and I'm never going to do it. A year ago:
- I stopped watching and possessing cp
- I started psychotherapy
- I started a war against my deviant sexuality
- I started to think what could I do to get rid of my sex drive as much as possible.

I have been using cyproterone acetate about 6 months. Yes, it has helped me somewhat, actually quite much, but despite of this, I wanted to try something more powerful drug. So, I got my first triptorelin (11.25 mg => 3 months) injection yesterday. It was like a mosquito bite, it didn't hurt at all. Now I'm just waiting for my T-levels to drop down. It can take about two weeks to achieve castration T-levels. I know, I know there isn't currently a drug which could cure ones paraphilia, but at least I'm trying something to treat myself, because I really have had enough of my so called "sexuality".

I'm curious to hear if there are any other people here who use or have used a drug or drugs (or anything else) to reduce ones libido? You don't have to answer to just these questions. Feel free to write or ask me everything you like that is related to my story or this subject.

Thanks for your time!

Hi Pig,

That’s an interesting story. You really are going all out to get this under control. I never even considered that someone would freely choose to go the chemical castration route. It really impresses me that you are going to such great lengths to overcome this.

Take care and best wishes. Jan

janjones wrote:Hi Pig,

That’s an interesting story. You really are going all out to get this under control. I never even considered that someone would freely choose to go the chemical castration route. It really impresses me that you are going to such great lengths to overcome this.

Take care and best wishes. Jan

There are a lot of people in the world who would like to be and who are chemically castrated. There also are a lot of people who are surgically castrated. There are many different reasons why one wants to be chemically or surgically castrated. According to what I've read from http://www.eunuch.org (Eunuch Archive), some people have been hating their testicles since their childhood. Some people want to reach the eunuch calm. Etc.

Yes, I want to control myself, I don't want that my sexuality controls or tries to control me.

This triptorelin injection lasts only three months so if I didn't like it I don't have to take another injection. I'm just searching for what is best for me.

Ten days have passed but I still haven't had any effects of the triptorelin injection.

But it may take about 2 - 3 weeks or so to see some effects.

I just can't wait......

I want to have a nonexistent libido as I did as a child. Sometimes though, I used to play with myself. But very often, I got bored with doing it. I thought my thing was a gearstick that I had seen in cars. And there I was running and "changing gears" at my childhood home.

It isn't nice at all to be exclusively attracted to minors. I haven't found adults attractive . So what for do I need my drive...

In my opinion, the quality of the life is more important than the length of the life.

Pig, this is extremely informative and interesting, and you raise some important questions. I really hope you'll post more on your experiences as well as the emotional side of things.

Nothing new to tell about triptorelin. Though I've been quite tired lately which I think is due to my medication. (triptorelin, cyproterone acetate 100mg/day, paroxetine 40mg/day)

Pig wrote:I'm only attracted to preteen boys (at ages about 9-13)

Pig wrote:I haven't found adults attractive .

Despite of those lines, I'm not sure if I'm an exclusive pedophile. I think I could be attracted to teen boys and young men too. If I imagine I had a nice young man in my bed with me, I think it would be very nice and cool.

I'm not sure if I'm a gay. I know, I should try to find a young man but I don't dare to do it. It makes me anxious and fearful. I'm afraid of being rejected and how other people around me would react to me if I was a gay. It would be embarrassing to admit being a gay and having a boyfriend.

I'm still a virgin. I've never even kissed and hugged anyone, besides my mother

How would a young man react to me if he knew I'm primarily attracted to preteen boys and possibly secondarily to this young man... How would he react to me if he knew I've watched cp...

I don't constantly want to think how a young man would react to my story. It would also be better if I didn't constantly worry if I'm an exclusive or not.

I would mainly like to hug, kiss, be close together, do something sexual with him... etc.

Hi Pig, I've had similar desires to reduce my libido, and for a while I thought the best option might be surgical castration. I never considered chemical castration very seriously because I worried that it would end up being more expensive, less private (I'd hate for my family to find out), and might eventually lead to undesirable physical side-effects. Admittedly, surgical castration might have some of the same physical side effects (weight gain, bone-density loss), but I like the idea of having a permanent solution to the libido problem and a totally eliminated risk of ever offending.

By chance, I recently decided to become a vegetarian, which has significantly reduced my libido! Apparently, a zinc deficiency can do that. I've been watching for other symptoms of a zinc deficiency, and so far, a lower libido has been the only one I've experienced. One thing that's nice about having become a vegetarian is that I feel healthier, have lost some weight (though I was already of an athletic build), and have begun trying new, tasty foods that I wouldn't have otherwise tried.

One way I've dealt with my physical attraction to children is by looking at child fashion websites. The child models are generally attractive, and they would be doing these photo-shoots regardless of whether or not I'm viewing them. It's a risk- and guilt-free alternative to any kind of pornography and still allows you to appreciate the beauty of a child's physique.

Pig wrote:- I started a war against my deviant sexuality

Do you mean that you've been learning to deal with your sexuality, or do you actually see it as a war against some unwanted aspect of your personality? To me, the latter doesn't sound like a very healthy approach to this problem. I've become a much happier person than I once was by embracing my attractions and accepting myself for who I am. If anything, I think an openness to myself will increase my awareness of the issue and help me become as safe with my attractions as possible. I never want to harm a child, but that doesn't mean the only preventative measure is to destroy my sexuality; I just need to be sure I'm in full control of myself.

Jacob123 wrote:Hi Pig, I've had similar desires to reduce my libido, and for a while I thought the best option might be surgical castration. I never considered chemical castration very seriously because I worried that it would end up being more expensive, less private (I'd hate for my family to find out), and might eventually lead to undesirable physical side-effects. Admittedly, surgical castration might have some of the same physical side effects (weight gain, bone-density loss), but I like the idea of having a permanent solution to the libido problem and a totally eliminated risk of ever offending.

Hi, thanks for your reply!

I've thought about surgical castration too, but first, I want to try chemical castration, because it's reversible, but otherwise approximately the same as surgical castration. My aim is to try this a couple of years and then consider surgical castration.

I changed Androcur to triptorelin because taking injections every 3 or even 6 months is much more private than taking pills every morning and evening. (I don't want my dad to know about my issues) GnRH agonists are also far more powerful in reducing libido than antiandrogens. The flare is going to be over very soon, or it may already be over, but anyway, I'll stop using Androcur after this day.

Jacob123 wrote:By chance, I recently decided to become a vegetarian, which has significantly reduced my libido! Apparently, a zinc deficiency can do that. I've been watching for other symptoms of a zinc deficiency, and so far, a lower libido has been the only one I've experienced. One thing that's nice about having become a vegetarian is that I feel healthier, have lost some weight (though I was already of an athletic build), and have begun trying new, tasty foods that I wouldn't have otherwise tried.

The doctor who prescribed me triptorelin said that I should eat light and avoid unhealthy food. He also prescribed me calcium and vitamin D. Yes, I should eat lighter and also exercise more. I think a lack of zinc isn't a good way to reduce one's libido because zinc, for example, is also important in immune function.

Jacob123 wrote:One way I've dealt with my physical attraction to children is by looking at child fashion websites. The child models are generally attractive, and they would be doing these photo-shoots regardless of whether or not I'm viewing them. It's a risk- and guilt-free alternative to any kind of pornography and still allows you to appreciate the beauty of a child's physique.

That's a good idea. For me, it's just enough to randomly see cute and attractive boys when I'm not at home. Sometimes, I just watch (normal and legal) children's movies where there are preteen boys. I don't lurk children anywhere and I don't go to swim halls or any other dangerous places at all because I'm really afraid of getting aroused there.

Jacob123 wrote:

Pig wrote:- I started a war against my deviant sexuality

Do you mean that you've been learning to deal with your sexuality, or do you actually see it as a war against some unwanted aspect of your personality? To me, the latter doesn't sound like a very healthy approach to this problem. I've become a much happier person than I once was by embracing my attractions and accepting myself for who I am. If anything, I think an openness to myself will increase my awareness of the issue and help me become as safe with my attractions as possible. I never want to harm a child, but that doesn't mean the only preventative measure is to destroy my sexuality; I just need to be sure I'm in full control of myself.

This war, I'm talking about, means that I've really had enough of my sexuality. So, I want to destroy my sexuality so that I can even go to swim halls or other dangerous places without worrying to be turned on. I don't want to see anything sexy in little boys. I don't want to be turned on when I'm near them or when I see them. I don't want to have the urge to stare them. These are the reasons why I want to chemically castrate myself. I also want to be sexually like a child again.

I've been hating my sexuality since I discovered I'm only attracted to boys significantly younger than me and when I noticed I couldn't do anything to change that fact. The last straw was that my sexuality drove me to watch illegal stuff from the net. The best thing is that I've been clean for about a year and a month now. I'LL STAY CLEAN FOREVER.

I can tell something about the effects I've had so far of Androcur and triptorelin. I'm almost dry (it's like I was 11 or 12) which is really nice. I still get somewhat aroused when I see little boys somewhere. I can have erections but they aren't as strong as before when I didn't use any medicines. I feel much calmer, my nipples are somewhat sore if I gently push them and my skin is very smooth and free of any acne. My mood changes quite often. I laugh and cry more. I'm more sensitive and tired than before. I love to sleep and perhaps I'm lazier than before. I haven't had major hot flashes (only minor ones). This may be due to cyproterone acetate, because it can also prevent hot flashes.

I feel I need to vent a bit...

I've had and I still have thoughts that my life is practically over because I'm technically an adult now. So far, my adulthood has been extremely boring, but my childhood was the most happiest time ever. EXCEPT the bullying I've been through. It lasted 5 years. I've a lot of traumas from it. I often have dreams that I'm trying to kill the bully and/or that the bully still bullies me, like 2-4 nights in a week. I know, I should practice lucid dreaming. Though, my therapist helps me with my traumas.

I want to get out of this existence which is like a prison to me. But I believe that one cannot escape anything by committing suicide. It's just too easy way in order to be true. And if I did that, I think I'd go to a far more worse place than I'm now. So I must suffer this existence honorably until I die naturally (=so that I didn't kill myself).

I don't want to exist. I don't need a life. It's a totally useless thing for me. I don't need myself at all, but some other people need me. I've already lived enough. But I'm forced to be alive and exist. I don't have any other trustable choice to choose. Sorry for those who have a deadly physical disease but I wish I had that too.

I would NEVER "cause" a child to this world. I just don't have enough faith that the child would have a good life. I'm (only a bit ) stupid, but I cannot understand why people want to have a child or children especially when there is a lack of food, a lack of love, a lack of everything... maybe they have extreme faith or they just don't care...

No need to be worried about me, I'm NOT going to harm myself. I only needed to vent a bit.

I don't always feel so bad as I described in the previous post. My mood just can change often.

I think my libido is getting lower and lower because I don't think about sex so much anymore. But I'm still waiting for the lowest possible libido that I can achieve. No libido at all would be the best.