How do I cope as a Pedophile in this crazy world ?

I feel like I am stuck with one of the most horrible unforgiving nightmarish condition on this earth, and to make it worse as if all the pain, suffering, shame, paranoia, fear, sadness and loneliness that comes with it wasn't bad enough I have to endure the misconceptions, hatred, stereotyping, the assumptions and propaganda created by society's ignorance and the media.

What a terrible and tragic situation to be in, my life is destroyed, I wish I could just disappear instead of having to endure this life long sentence of feeling like a criminal without ever having hurt anyone or even leaving my home. I hate how society perceives pedophiles as being so inhuman or different. I don't care if this sounds arrogant but I am an extremely gentle, honest,and kind person with morals and compassion far far greater then most people who would label pedophiles as a monsters. I show uttermost respect for every living creature on this earth, making sure that even a tiny insect that finds its way into my home is safely released back outside without being harmed yet the majority of society who lies, steals, cheats in their relationships and emotionally or physically hurts others and acts in selfish ways would so quickly label me as the bad guy purely based on my sexuality.

The real tragedy isn't pedophiles but in fact ignorant people and society, stupid people who can't differentiate between child molesters and those who were born with an attraction to minors but choose never to act on it. Do people assume all pedophiles try to have sex with kids because they themselves lack self control when it comes to love, sex, flirting and relationships?

People who are so willing to put every person with an attraction to minors in the same category as every other child abuser without the slightest consideration for the well being of like myself. Unfortunately for me this is the type of mad world I have to live in, a world where such heartless cruel hypocrites who justify ruining my life with the excuse of saving children, okay so women and children first but I never volunteered to sacrifice myself for the life if another, so what gives society the right to make this life hell for me ? If children are the most precious life on this earth, what would a member of society do given the knowledge that their new born was to be a pedophile later in life..would they drown their own baby ? Would they trade the life of one child to save another ?

Why the hell should I have to live my life feeling this way when I have never done anything wrong. I can't even seek therapy from the fear of being outed or misunderstood or feeling like I might have to justify and spell out and that I've never had sexual contact with a minor and never intend to. I've lost trust in people and society because of how illogical this whole situation is and how a persons life can be destroyed without ever doing anything wrong. None of this makes any sense to me, its like I'm stuck in a crazy alternative reality where people are punished and condemned for simply feeling love, I wish I could just wake up from this nonsense.

I feel like I am the one being abused and molested by society with all these restrictions imposed upon me, and the sad thing is I cant even seek justice for my suffering. I am so disgusted in this world, all these hypocrites fulfilling all their own emotional and sexual desires, indulging and saturating themselves in lust and love without restrictions yet they would try and deprive me of my most basic human rights for being born as I am. Despite sharing the same ability to feel love and loneliness, and the need for companionship as any average human, I am expected to be stripped of all sexuality and discard my feelings of love, I am treated in ways society would never subject themselves to be treated. Where is the humanity in that ? Of course I am not suggesting any sexual interaction with a minor but I can't even use my god damn eyes to admire a youthful beauty passing me by on the street without having to look the other way in fear. Even what I see is and how I use my vision is controlled, where is the sanity in that? Given the chance these pedophile haters would probably poke my eyes out. In this day an age to face such gruesome discrimination without intervention form the rest of the world.

No amount of children abused, murdered or exploited is enough in my opinion to warrant such a mass scale mistreatment and discrimination towards every single human who has an attraction to youngsters. A life is a life whether its adult or child it is should still be treated as precious but instead I'm stuck in this #######4 world where I'm being abused everyday by the action of child molesters and then being discriminated and victimized by ignorant selfish morons who pretend to be caring members of society sucking in every word from the corrupted media and law enforcement. Who's going to be accountable for the abuse pain and suffering I face everyday when it is society, the law and the child molesters are the ones that ruined my life?

Even though my attraction is inappropriate and misdirected I still posses the same sex drive as any other human and feel the same biological reactions triggered by admiration and romantic love, my pupils dilate, my heart races, my palms become sweaty, I feel breathless and in owe when I see a beautiful youth, yet despite this I am expected to be some emotionless robot and suppress even the most harmless personal feelings that occur biologically and emotionally as result of my attraction and even denied the use of my eyes.

What I want to know is how would the average so called normal members of society cope if they woke up tomorrow to find their sexuality and attraction was suddenly inappropriate or outlawed, would ya all retreat to caves and lock yourselves in never to glance at a another attractive human again ?

I believe you are a good person, but having a sexual attraction to a minor is indeed seen as a deplorable thing.

However, if you then migrate to more 'severe' sexual thoughts, then the borderline has been crossed. You're intelligent enough to know where this borderline is, and I think you'll be okay. However, the big fear of paedophilia now has gone overboard. If you're a man, you genuinely think twice before making a nice/innocent comment about a young girl, or before you shake hands with a young boy. The thought that people will see you as a paedophile is always there, and it shouldn't be this way.

Kevin

Chucky wrote:However, if you then migrate to more 'severe' sexual thoughts, then the borderline has been crossed.

Chucky, i think ive probably miss-understood you, apologies if i did, but to say "more severe" is to insinuate that being attracted to children, has a level of severerity. Not sure this word was completely suitable, as the common man attracted to children, wont have "severe" thoughts, as that would indicate "harmfull". The border-line has already been crossed when one finds themselves with this attraction..in societies eyes. Society has gone mad over this, but in doing so, its forcing people with this attraction to find their own help (whatever that may be). Sending people to jail for having pictures of posing children, is something of great destruction and i hope it stops very soon.

@Tormented, that was an excellent post and is almost exactly echoing emails and letters ive written over the past few years. If a man could hug another man, i would wanna hug ya and tell ya that im living a life very similar to you, in the UK. The everyday thoughts, the anger, the emotions, they never go away but affect you like a tide. Sometimes i do feel mentally ill, but its the affect of hatred, not being attracted to children. It makes you want to hibernate in your own home and claim state benefits. I guess as im in the same boat as you, then my input perhaps isnt very important.....

I know how you feel, everything seems so insane, impossible and terrifying that it must be a nightmare. It seems like yesterday that I was 8 years old, but how did I get from there to here? What the hell happened, that somehow made me the monster so many people would see me as? I haven't hurt anyone, I did everything "right", but somehow everything ended up so wrong. When I look at photos of myself as a kid I think "am I really that scary?" and wonder what people would have said or done then if they knew my fate. What did that little kid do to deserve this nightmare?

I wish I had killed myself when I was a depressed child, I would have been better off dead than being forced to endure this life, and I would have stayed an innocent child forever in everyone else's eyes, it wouldn't occur to anyone that I was to become a pedophile. I wouldn't even wish this nightmare on the people that hate and abuse us. But for anyone who hates or fears me, I'd ask them to imagine their own child growing up, then one day telling you they're attracted to children. How would you feel? It could happen to anyone, and it's not something a parent can guarantee against any more than their child developing cancer.

It makes you want to hibernate in your own home and claim state benefits.

Funny you say that as it pretty much describes my current lifestyle.

Thank you all for reading my long whiny post, it was very therapeutic for me to let of some steam and all your responses were very comforting. In fact it made me wish I had friends like you guys in real life to talk to and hang out, people who are kind, intelligent, compassionate and accepting of me for who I am. It would sure make things a lot more bearable but I know it is not possible, mainly due to my own paranoia in regards to this whole situation, I haven't even been able to tell my parents about it who I live at home with, I just feel so embarrassed and ashamed.

Chucky I appreciate the understanding you have shown towards my situation, thank you. Mark and Onlysleep I was taken back on how similar our thoughts are on all this, my heart goes out to you guys for continuing to endure the same difficulties, sounds like you guys are having as rough time as I am with it, what a life ey ?!

Being an overly sensitive and emotional type of person and pedophilia definitely does not work well together, you just end up becoming your own worse critic, add a hopeless romantic to the equation and life just becomes unbearable. I spend so much time thinking about how my life turned out as if I'm going to find some miracle solution or a cure to this problem that's going to fix everything but the reality is there isn't one, and not many options to go from here, I feel like its either shut your eyes and endure this horrible ride or press the escape button, but for now I'm still trying and learning to cope.

It's an instinctual thing...
People fear for their children, so they fear you. Whether you're actually a threat to their kids or not is an irrelivant determination for most people. The fact you MIGHT be is what matters.

I know it's not right or fair... and I'd like to say that I can relate or something, but I can't.

It's just the way society and the world are. They fear anomalies.
Personally, anomalies fascinate me... which makes me enough of an anomaly...

I lost my train of thought...
Anyway... my point is that you needn't feel embarassed or ashamed until you've done something worthy of being ashamed of.
The wonderful thing about being sentient beings is you can think whatever you like...
Personally I lean more towards pain and death than children... but I will admit I've had moments... few and far between but existent nonetheless... so I kind of get it...

Mark73 wrote:

Chucky wrote:However, if you then migrate to more 'severe' sexual thoughts, then the borderline has been crossed.

Chucky, i think ive probably miss-understood you, apologies if i did, but to say "more severe" is to insinuate that being attracted to children, has a level of severerity. Not sure this word was completely suitable, as the common man attracted to children, wont have "severe" thoughts, as that would indicate "harmfull". The border-line has already been crossed when one finds themselves with this attraction..in societies eyes. Society has gone mad over this, but in doing so, its forcing people with this attraction to find their own help (whatever that may be). Sending people to jail for having pictures of posing children, is something of great destruction and i hope it stops very soon.

The two types of thoughts that I was referring to are: recognising children as unblemished / 'pretty' / 'handsome' and the second type was having sexual fantasies about them. The latter here is the one I was referring to as more severe. I guess you could view the first as not being a paraphilia, but you're right in saying that the borderline is already crossed when you claim to be attracted [in a sexual manner] to a kid.

Tormented, I've been here a long time as you can see, but the paraphilia forum has never been more active than it has been in the past few months. I think it woud help you to reach out to other people who come here with the same problem as you. Both Mark73 and I will tell you that we have spoken to another guy here who is desperatly looking for help (in the UK), but he has been turned away by everyone thus far.

A lot of it's to do with the horror stories you read and hear in the media. When a child gets abused and murdered for example, many people assume that all paedophiles have the potential to do this. The truth, those were just evil people who happened to have an attraction towards kids. No different to evil men who rape and kill women. But people hate paedophiles even more because to many people, they live for their children. They read or hear the news and hear of young children being abused, sometimes even babies, then they may look at their own child or baby, thinking how they'd feel if that happened to their child. And that brings out a lot of anger and hatred towards paedophiles, and of course, some people themselves were sexually abused as a child. So it's understandable that they won't have much time for people sexually attracted towards children.

morning star wrote:When a child gets abused and murdered for example, many people assume that all paedophiles have the potential to do this.

Anyone has the potential to do this.
Being a pedophile just means that you've admitted that you can.
Society hates the self-aware. If you admit you can do it, you're (technically) less likely to do it, but the world sees you as more likely to do it since you're aware of your capability to do so.

It's nothing personal, it's just the mass mentality that we've come to accept as a population.

SmileXx wrote:

morning star wrote:When a child gets abused and murdered for example, many people assume that all paedophiles have the potential to do this.

Anyone has the potential to do this.
Being a pedophile just means that you've admitted that you can.
Society hates the self-aware. If you admit you can do it, you're (technically) less likely to do it, but the world sees you as more likely to do it since you're aware of your capability to do so.

It's nothing personal, it's just the mass mentality that we've come to accept as a population.

Yes, anybody has the potential to do anything. But somebody who admits to having a sexual attraction to children is going to be a higher risk of doing something sexual to a child them somebody who isn't. The same way a homosexual is more likely to do something sexual with someone of the same sex then a heterosexual is.