I am a pedophile and hate it!

Okay so how do I start this? I'm 19 male. So when I was a young child from my first memories till 8 when I was put into care after multiple neighbours complaints. I was sexually abused on a regular basis by lots of people from what I can remember, physically abused by my dad who was a heroin addict and neglected not fed etc... Anyway not here to post about that just so you know my background.

As a child in care homes i would touch up younger girls in the homes not by force they enjoyed and so did i, i was young and they would be 3years younger or more nither was forced to do anything. This happed from when i was 10 which was normal i guess. When I started to think it was wrong was when I was 15 and stared to have a sexual relationship with a 10 year old girl everything but sexual intercourse. As soon as we stopped doing it I would look at girls around 7-12 and imagine how id have sex with them and kinda obsessed with them. ( at the same time though I had a girlfriend the same age had sex the relationship was great we really got on well the relationship lasted 2 years)

I started to look a child porn online after we broke up I felt guilty, ashamed and sorry for the girls in the pictures or videos. I knew exactly what it felt like horrible and violating but and the same time it turned me on megga. I think it turned me on to think I wasn't alone. At the same time battling with myself. me looking at porn lasted till I got arrested and charged with it I haven't looked at it again but I'm still attracted to kids like today I saw a group of girl all about 12 walk past me and I couldn't help but look (all dressed like little prostitutes) think they were all gorgeous

I'd never ever have sex with a child I've had many opportunities In the care homes and even as an adult but really enjoy the thought of doing it and since the times in the care homes I've never touched a child and wouldn't.

I've posted it on here in the hope someone can understand me instead of just judging me the oh he's a pedo a scumbag and needs his dick chopping off. I believe paedophilia is like being gay straight transsexual transgender it not a choice its been grained into you for some reason or another. But I am disgusted by myslef I hate it I have sex with a girl my age it feels great I look and girls my age or older and think geez she is fit then the next girl I go bloody hell at is a 10year old girl after she passes I think too myslef its vile to get attracted to children but I stil do.

*mod edit*

sorry you hate it, honestly cant say that myself. I am who and what I am. I can say I hate societies unreasoning views of us, but time is going to eventually fix that. your not alone, there are others like you and your understood. just not as openly as we'd like.

Peterf wrote:sorry you hate it, honestly cant say that myself. I am who and what I am. I can say I hate societies unreasoning views of us, but time is going to eventually fix that. your not alone, there are others like you and your understood. just not as openly as we'd like.

I hate it because I keep thinking when I look at a sexy young girl and think id love to (you know) then I think back to when it was happening to me and how it made me feel, and the fact I cant change it I always think if I wasnt abused az a child what would I be doing right now something much better or not and its that thought that makes me hate myself so much.

As long as you have no intention of actually having sex with a child I don't think you should feel guilty.
We can't help our attractions, but we can choose to live a moral life.

you cant help what you find attractive, and honestly if I was a kid and someone thought I was attractive I'd have found it flattering. most kids are in a hurry to grow up and being seen as attractive is a step towards adulthood. case in point: most child models are having a blast and say so in interviews later. its usually societal and cultural pressures that convince them later to change their minds if they do, and not even most do. I'm sorry your childhood seems to have something in it to corrupt that response and engender a hatred for yourself. but we are who and what we are, if we cant accept ourselves finding a way for society at large to do so will be impossible, Besides little girls are the most beautiful thing in the universe.

No actions, just fantasies? No guilt!

"It's not a sin unless it harms another." - Me, 2014

We are who we are. Defend yourself. Would a modern gay man be all guilty and hating himself for being gay? Hell no! Why? Because gays know that they are who they are not by choice, but by brain wiring, chemistry, or we-don't-know-exactly-what-yet. Same with us peds.

Pedo Power...

telford22, well i cannot relate to pedophilia but don't beat yourself up man..make peace with yourself.. you can always have your fantasies no one can take that away from you. And you re not hurting anyone...You had a hard life and considering you are only 19 yr old dont talk like that about yourself. You still have your whole life in front of you. Dont hate yourself didnt do anything bad or harm anyone.

You're 19? I don't know many 19 year olds let alone males who use the term gorgeous. Anyway..

This is just my opinion.

Attraction to 10-12 year olds is the attraction to females who've started puberty. This isn't really abnormal. Mammalian females begin mating at the start of puberty and they mostly mate with more competitive older alpha males. Humans aren't any different than the rest of the mammalian kingdom in this respect. Modern society has a problem with minor sexuality and male sexuality because the majority of the voting population are post-pubescent females. So... naturally, social policies favor post-pubescent voting aged females and not minors or men in general.

It's important to realize who makes the laws before you get to down on yourself.

"Modern society has a problem with minor sexuality and male sexuality because the majority of the voting population are post-pubescent females. So... naturally, social policies favor post-pubescent voting aged females and not minors or men in general."

That's a very significant and interesting point. Can you expand on that? Can you substantiate the idea that voting really has that much of an effect? I was under the impression that voting is but illusory control. Also, why would the majority of voters be post puberty females as opposed to males?