Is it "Normal" for Men to Look at Little Girls?

Is it normal for "non-pedophilic" men to look at young girls?

I have a male friend in his 30's who I sometimes catch looking at attractive/cute young girls (6-10) when we are out and about. I've noticed that he's done this 3 or 4 times in the 8 months that I've known him. Sometimes, I notice him staring intently for a short while over my shoulder at benign pictures of young girls (kids of relatives, etc.) that come up on my Facebook news feed. On two different occasions, he felt compelled to blurt out a comment on their beauty, something to the effect of saying, "WOW!" (and yes, they were very pretty girls). I don't see him doing this with young boys. I found this disturbing because I haven't noticed other men doing this before... or maybe, I've never paid close attention.

I came across a therapist's blog post citing a study that virtually all men "like" little girls, but in lesser degrees and intensity in relation to adult women. However, he failed to back up the sources in his research, which is kind of dicey to me. http://robertlindsay.wordpress.com/2011 ... -hysteria/

My friend has no problem relating to adults and forming friendships, but he also loves playing,TICKLING, and rough housing with children A LOT... Sometimes, he continues to do so even when they've had enough, which concerns me. We where at a few parties (friends of his) where he spent more time playing with the kids (for hours) rather than chat with the adults hanging around. He's a "big kid" in a lot of ways though he has a very serious side. For those who are into Myers-Briggs, he has an INTJ personality, but puts on an ESTP mask when "the kid" in him comes out... sort of like a clown. I noticed the mask comes on when he plays practical jokes on adults, as well. Other than that, he's a serious guy most of the time. When we are around kids, he takes up more interest in them than what I usually see most men doing. I've read that most kids are drawn to INTJ's, so maybe this plays into the equation.

I even asked him on a few occasions if he had any sexual urges towards kids and he told me he didn't. He gets defensive and angry each time I ask, but our friendship has managed to stay intact. It may be my own prejudices about men with children (mixed with societal hysteria), but I still remain suspicious.

I did ask him once (after he looked at a cute girl on my FB page), "What goes on in men's minds when they see a very attractive little girl's face... do they wonder what it would be like if she were older or if he were younger?". He told me, "Both... Men first react to the beauty of the face, but when they realize that face is attached to a little girl, they stop themselves from thinking further. Because otherwise, they could find themselves being attracted and mentally going into pedophilic territory.".

Having said that, I know for sure that he's attracted to grown women. He looks at attractive women (up and down) when we go out. He's been married once before and admittedly, has a strong preference for VERY developed womanly figures... big boobs and butts. I've came across his porn collection a couple of times, which is pretty extensive and almost all the women have this voluptuous body type.

Also, he had suffered a few miscarriages during his marriage that still hits him hard to this day. He says this is one of the reasons why he's very attentive to children... many of them would've been the age of his own had they made it to term.

***As I finished writing this post, I'm realizing that there's a good chance that I MAY be overly concerned about my friend. However, your input and insight would still be much appreciated!

Hmmmmm. I suppose he COULD be a pedophile, but I doubt it, and even if he was I don't think you have anything to really worry about.

As for your question, that largely depends on what you mean by "looking" at children. It's possible for someone to find children really "cute" without being sexually attracted to them. Maybe he's just really in touch with his more feminine "maternal" side?

it is possible for him to be a paedophile, but I think if he was he would not make it that clear for you to see as he would try to hide it, and if he was then he would be good at hiding that side of himself because he is in his 30s and would be use to his attraction and would know how to hide this.
on the other hand he could be unclear that he is a pedo and is trying to see if all me look at young girls and he might want to see if it is normal

'Paedophilia is natural and normal for males' -The Telegraph
paraphilias/topic144271.html

No, it's not "normal," and not all men do it. If all men were so attracted, we would not have laws against pedophile practices, especially considering the overwhelming influence men have, and have had, on society (especially when more men were in control of it). We pedophiles want to argue that all men do this, but it's really just making men look even worse than their present waning reputation in the world.
Everyone on the face of the earth, whether male or female, has likely flirted with every kind of "deviant" thought from time to time. Heterosexuals might occasionally flirt with a homosexual thought; or a compassionate people might have an occasional sadistic thought; etc. (and dreams can be entirely insane). But there's a difference between that and habitual inclinations. All men are no more pedophile skirt chasers than all women are asexual. If a kind person has a mean thought, do I then classify him as a despicable person? If not, then why do many here want to classify every man as a closet pedophile no matter to what degree an occasional thought might strike him? Also, some things are simply compulsive/obsessive. Do we link that to pedophilia, too? Guys, this insistence on chucking pedophilia up to gender just makes us look bad, and makes women all the more suspicious of us. We want to apply this "all men are pedophiles because of a thought" principle, but we apply such a principle nowhere else. How do we know what's in the mind of another man? Think about what you are saying here. Personally, I'm mad at the academics who made this spurious claim that all men naturally have pedophiliac tendencies. I've always known that this "liberal" strain existed in academia, to a degree concerning which many are in denial. But I believe such declarations create a greater divide between liberal and conservative. I say this as a sympathetic, liberal pedophile with a college degree. I have every reason to be "biased" in favor of such thinking, but feel that such notions are hurting our cause.

Chessplayer wrote:
As for your question, that largely depends on what you mean by "looking" at children. It's possible for someone to find children really "cute" without being sexually attracted to them. Maybe he's just really in touch with his more feminine "maternal" side?

He seems to gaze at little girls the way he does at women. The difference is that he doesn't instinctively look down at their little bodies as he does with adult females (from what I can tell). So, he could be just admiring their beauty or cuteness and or imagining what a knockout they'll be in ten years. I guess I'll never know for sure either way unless he tells me... and is truthful.

He doesn't have a strong feminine/maternal side that I know of. If so, he has it very well hidden. He's super rational and most times, very "alpha" in his dealings with people. If anything, I'd say he has a strong paternal side. He takes his role as protector and leader in the family very seriously... more than any other man I've known.

Gerste wrote:No, it's not "normal," and not all men do it. If all men were so attracted, we would not have laws against pedophile practices, especially considering the overwhelming influence men have, and have had, on society (especially when more men were in control of it). We pedophiles want to argue that all men do this, but it's really just making men look even worse than their present waning reputation in the world.
Everyone on the face of the earth, whether male or female, has likely flirted with every kind of "deviant" thought from time to time. Heterosexuals might occasionally flirt with a homosexual thought; or a compassionate people might have an occasional sadistic thought; etc. (and dreams can be entirely insane). But there's a difference between that and habitual inclinations... We want to apply this "all men are pedophiles because of a thought" principle, but we apply such a principle nowhere else. How do we know what's in the mind of another man? Think about what you are saying here. Personally, I'm mad at the academics who made this spurious claim that all men naturally have pedophiliac tendencies. I've always known that this "liberal" strain existed in academia, to a degree concerning which many are in denial. But I believe such declarations create a greater divide between liberal and conservative. I say this as a sympathetic, liberal pedophile with a college degree. I have every reason to be "biased" in favor of such thinking, but feel that such notions are hurting our cause.

You've hit the nail on the head on all points! You have my respect for not giving in to the temptation of denial by "normalizing" pedophilia. And yes, that "Liberal strain" in academia does make the Left look very bad. I happen to be a conservative (former Liberal) and this gives people on my side of the fence ammunition in debates that Liberals want an "anything goes" society... children be damned.

Political bashing aside...

He seems to gaze at little girls the way he does at women. The difference is that he doesn't instinctively look down at their little bodies as he does with adult females (from what I can tell). So, he could be just admiring their beauty or cuteness and or imagining what a knockout they'll be in ten years. I guess I'll never know for sure either way unless he tells me... and is truthful.

Huh, to be honest I don't know what to make of this, though if it's the latter then he's defienetely not a pedophile.

TrueBlu wrote:Is it normal for "non-pedophilic" men to look at young girls?

Of course. It's perfectly normal. Kids are cute, in the same way that puppies, kittens, and the young of practically every creature are cute and appealing.

I realise there's a big difference between just looking at someone and ogling them, but lot of men are frightened to glance sideways at a child in this day and age, in case some dickhead accuses them of being a paedophile, and that really is sad.

Graveyard76 wrote:

TrueBlu wrote:Is it normal for "non-pedophilic" men to look at young girls?

I realise there's a big difference between just looking at someone and ogling them, but lot of men are frightened to glance sideways at a child in this day and age, in case some dickhead accuses them of being a paedophile, and that really is sad.

True. I guess it's so unusual to see a man pay any type of positive attention to children in our culture, that when one does, it automatically seems inappropriate and gets questioned. Hence, why I posted this thread in the first place <SIGH>. Perhaps ironically, if it were socially acceptable for men to freely interact with children, we would be better at spotting real inappropriate interactions, however nuanced.