My brother is a sex offender....

I'm pissed. My little brother just ###$ up his life. He has been dating this girl, and I was really hoping he wasn't having sex with her. Turns out, he was. It wouldn't be a problem if she wasn't 15 and he 19.

I don't see a problem with them dating, but I don't like that he had sex with her because now he's gonna live with that the rest of his life!

I'm pissed at the news article too. Ever so conveniently vague. "19 year old man raped a 15 year old girl", rape isn't consentual! Legally, she can't consent, I get it, but my brother isn't a rapist. If he was, she wouldn't be going to visit him in jail, and she certainly as hell wouldn't be missing him. She'd be afraid of him.

I want the age of consent to be lowered, but not to 15. Maybe 16, I will say that 15 seems still a bit low. But still.

Now, to top it all off, my mother is going through the family (not his mother, we have the same dad), bad mouthing him, which is how I found out about it and why he hasn't responded to my messaging him. My mother is going through the family saying he's a pedophile when he so obviously isn't. He's an ephebophile.

That's exactly why I don't even look at underage girls. I'm attracted to girls sometimes who are 14-17, which is illegal. Though I've stayed clear away, and this is exactly why.

###$, one of my best online friends, in fact, the only person I consider a friend from online, I thought she was cute when I first talked to her when she was 14 and I was 18. I tried pushing her away because I thought she was cute, and she did (to her admission) have a crush on me. I eventually gave in to being her friend, because nothing would come of it since she was overseas. Though my fear of being found out for being a hebephile almost destroyed that friendship before it began.

He had to have known it was illegal. Why didn't he just fight the desire?

I don't really need answers. I just needed an outlet to vent. Though I really wish I knew how to talk to him, let him know that I know about this, and that I'm there for him if he needs a friend. He's my brother.

I am sorry to hear that. I don't know where you are from, but if you are from US, I think law is horrible there in this. Here the age of consent is 15, but let's take 18 years old and 14 years old - if would be illegal for 18 years old to have sex with 14 years old, but if it wasn't forced, the guy would probably get one year conditional punishment and after one year he would be "clear". Putting someone like that on public sex offender registry or giving someone who commit such minor offence a long jail sentence is a crime commited by the law.

Also calling consensual sex a rape is pretty stupid.

It's very unlikely for your brother to be a pedophile, he might be an ephebophile as you suggest, but I am not sure about that, men are commonly somewhat attracted to 14 or 15 years old girls, he would be an ephebophile if he strongly preffered girls of that age.

simgiran wrote:I am sorry to hear that. I don't know where you are from, but if you are from US, I think law is horrible there in this. Here the age of consent is 15, but let's take 18 years old and 14 years old - if would be illegal for 18 years old to have sex with 14 years old, but if it wasn't forced, the guy would probably get one year conditional punishment and after one year he would be "clear". Putting someone like that on public sex offender registry or giving someone who commit such minor offence a long jail sentence is a crime commited by the law.

Also calling consensual sex a rape is pretty stupid.

It's very unlikely for your brother to be a pedophile, he might be an ephebophile as you suggest, but I am not sure about that, men are commonly somewhat attracted to 14 or 15 years old girls, he would be an ephebophile if he strongly preffered girls of that age.

In that case, neither of us are ephebophiles. As far as I know, this is the first girl he's had of that age group. It pisses me off though, because he's such a good person, but now has to live with people thinking he's a monster. Yes, the united states, unfortunately. Where you from?

Consent is 16 here and rightly so

Sorry to hear about that, but he is at fault. He knew the consequences and did it anyway. I knew these two girls. One 13 and the other 14 who had crushes on me. They were best friends and wanted me to ask one of them out. I met them while volunteering at a school. It was tempting, but not worth going to prison.

So its okay to date a 15yo if you are 19 but not okay to have sex? So does that also mean that its okay to date a 10yo girl if you are a 19yo just as long as you don't have sex as well? I mean you can justify it in any sort of way that you want but he screwed up and he crossed that line and its all about karma.

Blben wrote:So its okay to date a 15yo if you are 19 but not okay to have sex? So does that also mean that its okay to date a 10yo girl if you are a 19yo just as long as you don't have sex as well? I mean you can justify it in any sort of way that you want but he screwed up and he crossed that line and its all about karma.

Dating is not illegal because you can't legally prove they're datig.

Blben wrote:So its okay to date a 15yo if you are 19 but not okay to have sex? So does that also mean that its okay to date a 10yo girl if you are a 19yo just as long as you don't have sex as well? I mean you can justify it in any sort of way that you want but he screwed up and he crossed that line and its all about karma.

There's a huge and obvious difference between dating a 15 year old and a 19 year old. The most obvious is, I don't even think 10 year olds really date, do they? Anyway, that part is irrelevant. A 15 year old has gone through puberty and reached a certain level of developement where its possible for them to make certain choices, whether or not the society encourages those choices or not.

I definitely agree he screwed up, he mad the choice to cross that line and have sex with her. That's when and where it became illegal.

As far as karma is concerned, karma is getting what you dished out, and he harmed nobody. It has nothing to do with karma. Why must everyone justify $#%^ with superstition?

At a glance, I understand your argument that he didn't hurt anybody, that they both engaged in this relationship, and she appears to be a young lady, and no longer a child. But, a 15 year old is not mature enough to anticipate the consequences of her actions, and a 19 year old is more mature. The human brain grows and develops until around age 25. The last part of development is the ability to effect judgement accurately. A 15 year old does not understand what a sexually transmitted disease is nor does she comprehend that she may have to live with it for the rest of her life. She appears to be mature enough maybe to a 19 year old, but she is not. She says that she understands it... but she cannot. Her brain is not developed enough....not grown enough...to comprehend the consequences of pregnancy or abortion. She needs protection from her parents to avoid those situations which is why the law was created. Unfortunately, boys in our society should get the same lectures on restraint and maturity as girls do, and, too often, they don't. There is still a double standard with the sexual expectation and tolerance of boys and girls. Every parent needs to school both genders to refrain from sex until their mature enough to make this kind of an adult decision. Consequences sometimes create heartache, as you are experiencing. Sexual contact can be wonderful, but only when it is between two consenting adults, which means that both understand the choice to begin with.

BlooJay: Well, for example here in the Czech Republic the age of consent is 15. In Sweden or France too. In Germany it's 14. It's questionable what is the right age.

I think you overlook the problem that the consequence for breaking the law are too harsh and they do harm to young people they should protect. You don't help a girl or boy when you destroy the life of her/his boyfriend/girlfriend, you harm her/him. And whether you want or not, they will probably feel responsible for what happen to people they love, they'll feel bad they agreed to the sexual activity even thought they are not responsible for that legally.