>> Can People Really Truly Ever Change? <<

I have just realized a problem that I have...verbal abuse.
I have not been this way my whole life, but this problem of mine has definitely gotten worse up until now. It is a terribly destructive characteristic and I have to change because I am at risk of losing people around me that I really care about.

I have told my girlfriend that I am going to change. I swear I am gonna change. I have to.

Her girlfriends constantly tell her that people do NOT change. People can never change. They are always the same.

I disagree 100%. I believe that people can change for the better if they truly want to, and work hard at it. I truly believe it is possible.

My question to everyone is just what I wrote in my thread title...
Can People Really Truly Ever Change?

Thanks in advance.

The key point here, is that you are willing to change, and you are trying your best to.

Honestly, I think that everyone can change. People change all the time, whether it's conscious, or unconscious, people change based on the experiences in their lives, the places they've been and the people that they've met. I don't like it when people say, "They'll never change" because it's wrong. We're all changing constantly. Ever since we were born we've been changing, new events come into our lives and they change us, or we meet someone with a huge impact on our lives and it changes us.

I think it'd be best that you strongly stress to your girlfriend that you are trying your best to make changes, and you are trying your hardest to do your best, and to be the partner that she needs, and wants. I also might suggest talking to a counselor, if you're not already. It seems like you're having a difficult time fixing this on your own, and it may be time to get some extra help from somewhere else. It may be easier to figure out why you are being verbally abusive rather than how to stop it. Once you know why you are the way you are, then it's much easier to fix. Plus, seeing a counselor or therapist will prove to your girlfriend that you are, at least, trying to make an effort to change for the better.

Best wishes.

Of course we can change. For better, or for worse. In my first real relationship I realized I was verbally abusive. It was a lack of respect thing. That is not an excuse, but I had a lot to learn. The experience taught me. This is learned behavior so we can learn a different behavior. Simple as that. It is not a fundamental change to who we are as human beings.

I have even changed from being an angry person to being a rather mellow person. I look back on that old self and am just glad I am no longer like that. It hurt both myself and those around me to be that way.

The question is, does she want to wait around while you learn and grow? Worse, and regretfully, sometimes it is losing that person you love that is the best motivation to work on ourselves and change. We change, but we don't get that person back. At least we are then ready for the next one.

Thanks for your responses.

I wasnt using this thread to really talk about me at all. I have created a couple other threads for myself dealing with my issues. I guess I just wanted to explain my reasons for creating this thread, even though my reasons dont realy matter. I have scheduled help for myself and promise to change.

My main point was to get your votes/thoughts/feelings etc.

Even if you dont feel like writing anything in this thread, thats fine, just vote if you dont mind.

Thanks.

I believe that no one is without hope and that a person can change if they really want to. Before a person can change, they have to take ownership of their problem, and total responsibility for the things they say, the impact of them and the effects upon the person who is being abused.

In many cases, the person needs to get deep into the root of the problem, which often stems from the way they themselves were treated in childhood. If a child has been subject to verbal or emotional abuse or has witnessed this type of behavior, certain patterns of behaviour may have been set, and in order to break this cycle, the person may need to explore in depth with a trained therapist certain childhood issues. In many cases verbal and emotional abuse is about control, and the abuser may like to ask themselves why it is so important for them to feel that they have to be in control. Is this because of their deep rooted insecurities or because they feel that they are not in control of their lives? What is it that would be so terrible if they felt that they had lost this sense of control? What would be the cost to themselves? There are often no singular answers and there may be many issues that contribute to the problem. They may not even perceive that they are being abusive. They may need to learn empathy, often from scratch, and learn how to put themselves in another person's situation and position. They may need to learn remorse, to be truly sorry for their actions, not just in words, but by taking full ownership of them and full responsibility, and not putting the blame on others.

People can change, and their personalities can grow, develop and mature.

I believe we can all change for the better if you're aware of your problems and wan't to change.
Anything thats broken can be fixed, atleast that's what I tell myself

Not only we can, but we do change. I see change as a natural process that takes its course throughout our life. The problem is that we often try to resist it which is also understandable because it feels comfortable to stick with the familiar, with what we have been conditioned to do. Another thing about change is that it happens slow, sometimes faster, sometimes very very slow, but on average just slow and that could be frustrating..

What is a change? Is it development? Realisation? Growth? Destruction? Adaptation?

Obviously if you were a person living in a house and your house burned down, then you would have to adapt to being house less.

I think it depends what you put into the question, do you mean can we change by will or can we change by nature?
And why ask? "Be the change you won`t to see".
Yes..
Old people are not as good to adapt to change as younger once are...they are the once who give our society stability, lets not forget that.

Definitely, people can change but not instantly. It is gradual and this normally begins when an individual sees life in the right perspective.

Some things we can change, other things we can't change. We can change how we respond to things we can not change. Learning how to spot the difference is very useful.

I've had very little success truly changing myself at will, closer examination revealed I didn't actually want to change, I just thought I did.

Stay realistic or you will be wasting you time completely.