Would U Feel Betrayed 2?

Sorry Alice..one more thing for you to think about:

I would lie to you as well to keep my daughter. He wants to keep this woman, yet you told him to choose. You had no right to make him choose in the first place. You gave him no other option other than to lie, to keep the peace. He had no intention, of keeping the mother of his child from seeing her. You created the drama!! You created the lie and you created the choice.

He knows your plight, he knows you are not stable, he knows it is over with you, he loves his daughter,
he knows he has to re-build his own life...that was his choice to lie, to avoid the drama of you, get on with his life and hopefully provide a normal stable life for his daughter.

Go get better, don't create anymore havoc for him or his girlfriend. Leave your daughter with him until you are ready. Keep the peace for your daughter and don't use her as a pawn for control. If you love your daughter, than don't do it.

Is your daughter happy where she is? What do you think the best thing is for your daughter at this point? Think about her and forget all the other crap in your head. Don't ever put him in a position where he has to choose. That is munipulating, because you think this woman, could take your daughter. It is you, that want to take your daughter from him! You already threatened that.

You have no fear in that, you will always be her mother and she will love you. Your ex knows that to. He wants to move on , without drama, with the best interest of his child...and with you their healthy for you daughter as well. That is no lie.

Forget about you for a minute and think about your daughter. Do you really think, she should ever be used as your pawn? He didn't choose that, you did for him. Is she happier where she is and do you think while your not thinking straight, your daughter should be with him? Think about her and not your own crap! STD crap and suck...

You gave him no choice but to lie. He loves his daughter, and so do you, So think what is best for her. Wake up!

Sorry, but for me, when it comes to kids, STD test and when it was taken don't count! Who cares, the past is the past, drama is drama, think of the best interest of your child. Period. You are disordered and he is not.

Get cured and I am sure all will be happy. Most of the time anyway! lol

Alice, now is not the time to fight with your ex over you or question "his" life. It is about you getting better, your ex supporting you, because he is the father of your child. Show him that and help you and your child. Most importantly..your daughter.I hope you get that.

OK?

I'm not quite sure just why all of this built up to be such a huge issue for me yesterday- I think I just reached my breaking point with the whole damn scenario and everything that's been said, happened and injured me.

I flipped out yesterday- went way off my rocker in handelling this stuff, and I wish it didn't affect me sao greatly, but of course because of the disorder it does.

I've read everything you guys wrote and it really does help me figure this stuff out in my own perspective against the 'reality' of it all too. I'm still digesting it at this point though, andletting it sink in as I sit here calmly and more sound this morning. I will re read these posts over the day and possibly comment on them later on.

I'm studying most of the day, for an exam tomorrow, so I may come back and comment at another time when I can things more attention- k? I've not put this post your words behind me with out thinking on them though, and I wanted you all to know that so you don't think all your info and insight was for not. i should have been studying yesterday yesterday too, but I couldn't as all this was heavily fogging my mind, so nowe a day behind, i may not be able to get back here with full comentary for a little while and much of this requires more though and attention the scribbling of a few mere words with my general thoughts/reactions and I want to give it that full attention it truely deserves.

One thing I'd just like to point out though if I may, and it's not contesting anyone's views, but just getting the fact out there so that everyone's aware of how of this all came about- is the current living arrangements of my daughter.

My X husband didn't take or force me to allow my daughter to live with him. I asked him to take her for me while I went to school because I knew I couldn't afford her day care and it would be too hard for me to study because she requires so much attention.

He did NOT 'step in' or anything of that nature. I let him watch her for me because it was better for HER to get his full attention consitantly than me being busy in the books all the time, and it was better for me to concentrate on my studies through the week and be able to give her my full undevided attention on the weekends- I never want her to feel second to anything in life and that way she's always everyones top priority.

I really do need that to be understood. It was MY choice to let Jay have her, and it is TEMPORARY, until she begins full time school (grade 1 all day) in September 2012.

With that being said-
I am fully aware of my present condition and the fact that I'm currently not stable enough to have full time care of her at the moment. I had my other X come and live with me and my son to help me take care of HIM while I fix myself. I know my capabilities and my incapabilities, and I'm working within them.

I would not take my daughter back to live with me unless I was more stable in my mental faculties and my life as a whole. I want you all to understand that, because I'm not looking to 'take her back' or use her as pawn. I could have brought her with me, but I knew she needed more than what I could give her while attending school full time. I ALLOWED Jay to take her for a few years FOR HER, not me- for her, and NO ONE forced me to do that. In fact many people are angry at me for doing that. It was difficult thing to do in many ways for me and her both.

So when it comes to his record keeping and all that crap to 'keep her' just remember- I may be crazy but I'm not heartless and I ALWAYS do what's in the best interest for my children- they ARE MY LIFE! I wouldn't take her back until I was ready and able to do so, and at that point- his records are meaningless, ergo there's no point to them...

I may be a mess in a lot of ways, but when it comes to my kids I'm very sensible and consious of my actions and their needs. They always come FIRST!

I hear what YOU'RE sayng on his behalf, but what I'm saying is that I wouldn't make that kind of move until I was able to do it. I will have her back with me, that is in the seperation agreement and our custody arrangement; but I would not take her back until I can give her the love and attention she deserves.

Some people thinnk I'm horrible mother to have given my daughter to my husband because a childs place is with their mother. I know other wise. I'm a good mother than made a very difficult sacrifice for my childs needs, not my needs or societies needs and I'll continue to sacrifice anything I must for my childrens betterment- even if it hurts me. I hate not having her, that was a difficult descision to make, but it was in her best interest.

I just needed you all to know that.

It was my choice to let her live with my X, it my choice to keep her there and when I go back to get her it will be my choice BECAUSE I can give her all the love and attention she needs- and because I am in better place.

Wow Alice..terrific post!

Your decision to take your daughter to Jay was the least selffish thing, you as a mother, could ever do in this world! It is very commendable, and that you continue to recocgonize that it is still best for your daughter, until you get things straightened out. (IE..continueing school to better support you and your kids, and also to get better to provide a good stable emotional home for them). I am sure your ex sees you doing that. He just needs to be re-assured you are. So keep things positive with him. Share the good things you are doing, if asked. He will never hold his daughter back from his mom, knowing when you are ready.

You are truly a very loving thoughtful unselffish Mother in uderstanding your daughter is best with her father for now! Don't ever let anyone tell you differently. For anyone to say otherwise, has no forsight nor the true understanding of what is in the best for your daughter and all concerend in the long run. They are the ones being selffish.You have no reason to defend yourself whatsoever, and they should be ashamed for making you feel that way. Just ignore it. You did the right thing, that is all that matters.

So concentrate on your goals, That being getting the best marks you can in your exams and also, the best marks in getting better. Keep the peace with your ex, so it doesn't create distraction from your goals. Remember most of all your daughter is in good hands with a loving willing father. He is a commendable dad, for looking after her. Many don't.

When the time comes and you are ready, all will work out, in the best interest of your child. That being two parents that love her dearly, getting along in her best interest, and never putting your daughter in the middle of any conflict. That is in her best interest, and sounds like you are on the same page.

I know it would be difficult, but you should opologize for any inappropiate behavior on your part toward your ex. IE: snooping into his private stuff and interfering in his life. This will indicate to him, you are on the same page. Tell him you want to work together, for the best interest of your child. Thank him for looking after her while you work on getting your educaton, and over your illness.

Alice..you should be very proud of you! You are the best Mom going! Truely a mature reaction, to what is best for all.

Great post, and yes, you are doing great.

Alice, Pam, whoever you are..... you PROTEST too much! Your need to CAPITALISE and repeat, repeat. repeat.. only serves to prove that you are insincere and trying so hard to convince the people on this forum that you are sincere. It really doesn't work.

This is how I see it.. you still love your ex husband and you don't want ANYONE else to have him; not this woman, not anyone. You are using your daughter to try to split them up. You are trying your best to assure everyone that you only want the best for your daughter, but, the way I see it, she is better off with anyone but YOU right now.

I have taken a look at your 'blog'.... I agree that you are so childish in labelling that woman as a c*nt ! Why is she a C*NT? Because she's more beautiful than you are, perhaps?

I also don't think that you should be allowed guardianship of your daughter at the moment; after reading a few of your 'porn stories'. You are one very f*cked up woman, and you really need to get yourself sorted before you can even think about caring for a child on your own.

Leave your ex and his girlfriend alone... let them care for your daughter until you are stable enough to care for yourself. And yes, I agree with many others on here... you are an attention seeker! Your posts are so intense and so full of 'woe is me'. I suggest you go away for a while; study, sort yourself out and stop being so melodramatic !!

I have taken a look at your 'blog'.... I agree that you are so childish in labelling that woman as a c*nt ! Why is she a C*NT? Because she's more beautiful than you are, perhaps?

PFT!
LMAO!
Thank you faceless (more than likely ugly) meaningless poster drifting through the boards...

Don't know who you are.
Don't care.

Crawl back under the rock from wence you came and leave me the hell alone!

You're opinion of me is worth a fart in hell in my eyes- so honestly, don't waste your time typing a reply. There's nothing you can say to me that I'm willing to hear or read...

What I do, and why I do it- is not your concern. I was addressing posters here who have something valuable to say and something educational for me to learn from. Not to aid you in p*ssing away the time in your meaningless life, and waisting my own prescious time in replying to your drivel infused response.

Don't like my blog- don't go there.
Don't like my life- don't read about it.

Situation solved!
bye bye now

Alice..you should be very proud of you! You are the best Mom going! Truely a mature reaction, to what is best for all.

Great post, and yes, you are doing great.

Thanks OK
I don't know about being the 'best mom' I've not been the kind of mother I once was, but I'm looking to get myself back into that near stability I once had. There was a period of my life (still fraught with troubles, drama and mistakes) that was much better than I ever was before and I'd really like to be there agian and be the mother I know I can be, once again.

One of the issues I face for a long time is that I had lost that person, and the sorrow in loosing that part of me (that period of my life and the way I lived/hoped and loved at that time) was really dragging me down and actually preventing me from getting there. I see that now, and I realize I can't long for the things I've lost in this world (that just causes deeper loss and greater obsticles) but I can try to rebuild (not regain- BUILD) my life and reach that same kind of place once more.

I have to leave the guilt of those things behind me, and become at peace with myself (faults and all) in order to get there.
I know this the process that therapy will take me on.
I've forgiven myself some things, but there's much I still need to forgive in order to fully forget and move on to a better place.

I try not to talk too much about my kids and my parenting, because like I siad I'm not the mother I once was, and that hurts me deeply. I've seen how truly wonderful I can be as a mom (I was very wonderful after my son was born) but following the birth of my daughter a lot changed, my marriage changed, my life changed and I changed- all of it for the worst. I was not a good mother; but I know what's right for my children and my unconditional love for them and placing their needs before myown is something I'll never allow to faulter again.

Baby steps- I'll learn to walk on my own 2 feet again...

Thank you for all you've said here- it means a lot to me
~Alice

AliceWonders wrote:

I have taken a look at your 'blog'.... I agree that you are so childish in labelling that woman as a c*nt ! Why is she a C*NT? Because she's more beautiful than you are, perhaps?

PFT!
LMAO!
Thank you faceless (more than likely ugly) meaningless poster drifting through the boards...

Don't know who you are.
Don't care.

Crawl back under the rock from wence you came and leave me the hell alone!

You're opinion of me is worth a fart in hell in my eyes- so honestly, don't waste your time typing a reply. There's nothing you can say to me that I'm willing to hear or read...

What I do, and why I do it- is not your concern. I was addressing posters here who have something valuable to say and something educational for me to learn from. Not to aid you in p*ssing away the time in your meaningless life, and waisting my own prescious time in replying to your drivel infused response.

Don't like my blog- don't go there.
Don't like my life- don't read about it.

Situation solved!
bye bye now

Interesting how you highlighted only the part that I said about your ex's beautiful new lover and completely disregarded anything else I said. This only goes to prove that you ARE jealous that she is more beautiful than you are. The proof is there for all to see.... she is stunning !!

Interesting too that you will only listen to the positive comments from posters and get extremely angry if anyone should dare to see you in a negative light, and tell you the truth instead of what you are wanting to hear.

You will never heal until you take a good step back and look at yourself. And I don't mean your physical attributes, I mean what's inside.

Why do you feel the need to publicise your sexual fantasies for all the world to see? What do you get out of it? ATTENTION? The attention you so badly crave..... ?? Narcissistic tendencies perhaps?

I try not to talk too much about my kids and my parenting

.... yes, because you''d much rather talk about yourself!!

Anyway, I've said my piece..... I won't say any more because that's just feeding your desperate need for attention, and the need for someone to come along and save you.... and we really don't want that, do we?

See, now this post was something I could read/hear and look at perspectively.

Do you see the difference between the 2 posts you made?

Alice, Pam, whoever you are..... you PROTEST too much! Your need to CAPITALISE and repeat, repeat. repeat.. only serves to prove that you are insincere and trying so hard to convince the people on this forum that you are sincere. It really doesn't work.

This is how I see it.. you still love your ex husband and you don't want ANYONE else to have him; not this woman, not anyone. You are using your daughter to try to split them up. You are trying your best to assure everyone that you only want the best for your daughter, but, the way I see it, she is better off with anyone but YOU right now.

I have taken a look at your 'blog'.... I agree that you are so childish in labelling that woman as a c*nt ! Why is she a C*NT? Because she's more beautiful than you are, perhaps?

I also don't think that you should be allowed guardianship of your daughter at the moment; after reading a few of your 'porn stories'. You are one very f*cked up woman, and you really need to get yourself sorted before you can even think about caring for a child on your own.

Leave your ex and his girlfriend alone... let them care for your daughter until you are stable enough to care for yourself. And yes, I agree with many others on here... you are an attention seeker! Your posts are so intense and so full of 'woe is me'. I suggest you go away for a while; study, sort yourself out and stop being so melodramatic !!

In this post you're addressing me in a derogitory way. Putting me down, cutting me up and literally venting at me for having such a messed up life at all. This is the kind of thing that ANY HPD would take offence to, and more than likely react to as well.

Interesting too that you will only listen to the positive comments from posters and get extremely angry if anyone should dare to see you in a negative light, and tell you the truth instead of what you are wanting to hear.

You will never heal until you take a good step back and look at yourself. And I don't mean your physical attributes, I mean what's inside.

Why do you feel the need to publicise your sexual fantasies for all the world to see? What do you get out of it? ATTENTION? The attention you so badly crave..... ?? Narcissistic tendencies perhaps?
.... yes, because you''d much rather talk about yourself!!

Anyway, I've said my piece..... I won't say any more because that's just feeding your desperate need for attention, and the need for someone to come along and save you.... and we really don't want that, do we?

This one, still a bit coarse, but nothing outside the realm of annoyance really, and it was easier for me to read what you actually had to say and contribute; rather than just read your insults and try to keep my composure.

Honestly- negative feed back is always welcome- I don't necessarly like or agree with it, but if it's written in a non offensive comprehendable way, I'm usually open enough to read it and comment respectfully/thoughtfully and try to hear your intentional meaning behind it. I think I've proved that a few times here- no?

Take a look at how you address people, and think- am I venting my own frustrations while writing this, or is there really a need to be so offensive? If you could honestly write that first comment without realizing that it would be taken as offensive, I think perhaps you may need to take a deep look with you and see what's happpening in there...

When I hear critisms and conflict, I either shut down or lash out. If you've really been reading my stuff on here and my blog, I'd have that that would be pretty obvious.

it's not WHAT you said, it's HOW you said it.

Just something to keep in mind if we should have any future interactions on here. I don't go looking for a fight or to vent on people- I'm not thatway; but if I'm offended and hurt by something, I lash out. I am after all disordered, and though I'm trying to change many things in my life, my anger and my reaction to personal pain/emotional injury is still something very volitile at the moment.

It will change with therapy, but for now I'm still a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.

If ever you feel the need to comment on my posts/my life again, I'd much prefer it if you did like in your second response, and I think you'll see that if you do I'll have comething constructive and insightful to add or say as well.

Take Care & I hope you understand, that was my reaction to what you said/how you said it- nothing personal or long standing.

~Alice

Alice,

I know you are not going to like to hear this, but Miss_Understood's comments summerized the thoughts of Scarlett, Search's and my comments. Although direct, they are basically the same thoughts. So hope you understand that. I do agree with you, they were blunt comments and could have been presented better. I am guilty of that as well. I am trying to tame it down and not be so blunt, but still get the same point across. So hopefully, Miss_Understood learns that and presents thier points in a more tactful way as well. We are all human.

I hope you did get what we were saying as I believe it is important for you to put yourself in the "shoes of others".

I thought you might have recongnized that, by no longer wanting to take your daughter from your ex or causing more drama between your ex and his new gal. However, from your reaction to Miss_Understood, although abiet blunt, but still wonder if you got it? I do hope so, as leaving your daugher with your ex, and not causing issues...is the best thing for all concerned right now, especially your daughter. Kids like stability, routine and as little conflict between the parents as possible. Especially they don't like being in the middle of it. I believe you understand that and it is what Miss_Understood was trying to say, as well.

Also, that putting up a picture of his new gal, with c&nt over it, is wrong. I really do hope you remove that too and see how wrong and inmature that is.

Anyway...I have said enough about this and gave you enough of my thoughts as well. I will trust you got it!

I have talked to my X about my feelings regarding our seperationg, the mistrust between the both of us, the changes in our relationship (as a seperated couple raising children as 2 active parties, and they way he's changed towards me over the past year or so) and what we both recognize and agree on is that we need to find a better way of communicating, respecting, and understanding eacho other.

I don't want him back, I don't want him this girl either- but if he wants her and truly loves her, all I can do is try not let my own personal issues in regards to this woman effect OUR relationship and co parents and 'friends' (for lack of a better term)

What we've decided is that it would be a good idea for us to do some 'couples counselling' (not to rebuild the marriage- that's OVER, but to regain all the important things we've lost in the process of divorce and learn to speak and be heard affectively by one and other) No more frustrated anger and pain between us- we're going to try to heal from THAT aspect of our relationship, so we can be parents and be around the kids at the same time without our own tensions and issues reflecting on THEM.

So I'm currently looking for a family cousellor in his town who is familiar with dealing with people with Personality Disorders (I think this is an important piece of therapy for us, because my mind doesn't work in the 'normal' sense of thoughts, emotions, and reactions; so seeing someone who understands how my CURRENTLY works [I am changing, but I'm still not at the point of near 'normal' and that must be understood and relfected through any therapist we chose] will be more helpful to the BOTH of us) so he/she can explaine and 'teach me' these things affectively, and he/she can HIM how to deal my volitality and learn to interact with me in a way that I clearly LISTEN & UNDERSTAND what he's trying to tell me, rather than throuwing things at me and driving into a shut down or confrontational state.

I mean I am in the process of change, but it's still early days, and the way in people interact with me still determines how I hear and react to what they present to me. this is obvious as I showed above in the 2 different ways in whis MissU presented her opinions. There is way to address me (any PD afflicted person) affectively, and there is way to set us off (even though you may not realize that it will)

So in knowing that yes I am changing, but I'm still very much disordered at present, and that Jay and I have to learn to communicate with each other (I have to learn to show my disproval of him/his actions and statements in a non hurtful/venomous way- youwouldn't beielev some things I say/call this man when I'm mad at him) we both have things to work on, and we both need someone who can deal with my end of it, and help us through this process of divorce and co parenting as whole too.

Jay has known me for a long time and he's used to my behaviours and become desensitized to them by this point. That works both for and aginst us. He knows I don't mean all the nasty crazy things I say/do, but at the same because he now shuts down when I do/say these things, he's not hearing me anymore and itdrives my anger and frustration further to try to get him to listen to me, and things have escellated to a very hurtful point for both of us at present.

if he has to be with this woman- fine.
But I have to learn to trust him again, he needs to lear how to listen to me again, we need to learn to reespect each other again, and I beleive the key to all of this effective communication- hence the councelling.

It's been a very hurtful path for both of us getting the point where see we now need help here; but if it makes our relationship as co parents better and stronger for our kids, then it was a pain worth it's weight in gold.

All I live for is my children, and I want them to happy. seeing mommy and daddy hating each other (even though we don't act out and carry on infront of the kids- EVER!) is not a good thing for them, and I don't want them to see our tensions and be affected by our own issues with each other.

I deleted the post with the images. I still feel that way about her and I don't like/support their relationship in any way; but I've made the first step to betterment in removing the post, and taking active steps toweards counselling with my X...

Hopefully at some point we can heal our past and wounds enough that it gives a greatter strength as parents and we can have an effective influence as partners (co parents/friends) through the rest of our lives.

And that's all I have to say on that