Sorting all of me out defined roles

by **tomboy24** » Fri Nov 04, 2011 11:08 pm

So I was typing about all the parts of me to get to know them a bit more and have words that I can see/read to help me understand them and know more about them and I thought I'd post what I'd written as a kind of open door for people to know/understand me as a whole more. Sorta like an opening-up type of thing, and I think it'll help me get used to be more open in general with people. (Oh, and don't worry about the boyfriend or friend references, that's just to help me put things in perspective).

A bit of history to go along with that though:
-Adam is a kid I grew up with who didn't contact me for 4 years after I was 11, then popped back into my life, and has continued to pop in and out of my life and there's always a romantic attachment to him. He is now technically a criminal (though he's never been caught).
-David is an old friend from 8th grade who I liked but never had the courage to ask out. He moved during my sophomore year in high school and we lost contact. We reunited recently and have been catching up with each other since.
-Jeremy is a longboarder kid I dated in high school. I ended things with him after I was raped because I didn't think I deserved to be with him, then we started to hook back up a year later, and then he left me for another girl after asking me back out.
-Darren is my most recent ex, who I dated for almost a year. He moved up here from Arizona, we moved in together, then he went back to Arizona with the promise of returning soon. He never did. -Stephen is a very close, good friend of mine who I dated for a time period, then ended things because I didn't want to hurt him and I was having problems staying loyal thanks to Kat and L.C. He's still a very close friend, though I don't get to see him as much as I used to because of his school and work schedule. He's one of the few who knows about my DID, and was one of the first to learn about my DID.
-Mike/Michael is my current boyfriend who I live with. He's very supportive of me and very understanding of all of me, and was the one who helped Kat to not be the abusive Kataki anymore. -Xinbi is Mike's best friend, he also knows about my DID and is also very understanding.
-Kaiver is a friend of Xinbi's and a buddy of Mike's. He knows about my DID, but not very in-depth, and I often smoke pot and drink and hang out with him.

Cassandra: Second-oldest personality, main personality, aka the "host". Shy at first, friendly, helpful, caring, selfless, open-minded, emotional, low confidence, can get easily stressed, often indecisive, responsible, goal-oriented, sometimes impulsive.

20 years old. Still a teen at heart, being unsure of herself, having trouble living on her own, and wanting to just have fun in life. Loyal to boyfriend Michael Armstrong, loves him, although isn't as sure of her desire to be with/stay with him as she used to be. Finds herself liking other guys and wanting to be free more often. She does know that she eventually wants to marry him.

Sandra/Sandra-Dee/Sandy: side personality/mood of Cassandra. Doesn't really have her own voice or age. The part of Cassandra that is confident, knows she's sexy, enjoys showing herself off and being flirtatious, loves to party, gives things her best shot even if she's unsure of what she's doing, impulsive, and is mature when needed but doesn't want to grow up. Not always loyal to current boyfriends due to impulsive-ness.

Kataki/Katherine/Kat: Oldest personality/"multiple". Is a "fighter". Defends and protects Cassandra and other personalities from harm. Provides guidance, criticism, and strength. Is powerful, unafraid to be physical with people, can be violent, rough, has a dangerous temper, slightly antisocial, blunt, realistic, can be negative, strong, never wavers or breaks under stress, untrusting, stubborn, sarcastic. Usually has a "f#%k-off" attitude.

23 years old. Is an older sister and somewhat of a father-figure to Cassandra and other personalities. Has a general hatred for males, usually only looks to use them for own personal gain. Approves of Mike, loves him, tries to make a conscious effort to stay loyal, but she no longer wants to be tied down. She loves her freedom, and likes a couple guys right now. Still despises how much she fell for Darren and how she still misses him at times.

Riyoku/Rain: Third-oldest personality/"multiple". Was the main opponent of Kataki when she was abusive to Cassandra and other personalities. Still disagrees with Kat/Kataki at times, but both are learning to co-exist peacefully with each other and work well together. Provides guidance, comfort, reassurance, and advice. Is supportive, strong, optimistic, determined, confident yet humble, stands up for herself/her views/her beliefs, gives everything her best effort, is wise and thoughtful.

22 years old. Younger sister to Kat/Katherine, older sister to Cassandra and other personalities. Is a mother-figure to everyone. Very forgiving and selfless. Identifies herself as Michael's girl and desires a long-term relationship with him, hopefully ending in marriage. Is very loyal to him.

L.C., aka "Lost Child": Is Cassandra's "breaking point". Often depressed, sad, unhappy, unsure of herself, shy, negative, apathetic, untrusting, suicidal, has low self-esteem and low confidence, recalls bad memories better than all others, remembers painful times vividly, is often an outlet for overhwelming emotions. Stutters unless around a person that has her complete trust, or unless drunk/high.

16 years old. Is like a little, but independent, sister to Cassandra, Rain, and Kat. Very untrusting towards males, but feels safe with Mike and her old friend, David. Loves Mike, but also loves David and likes Kaiver, and isn't sure if she wants to be in a relationship anymore.

Cassie: Is the "core" personality, the original, the one that Kat and Cassandra split off of. She is also Cassandra's ignored and abandoned childhood and the remainder of childish needs that were never met. Very childish but can be mature for her age. Unafraid to cry, is scared easily, dislikes being alone, not very independent, needs comfort often. Shy at first. Very playful, loves her stuffed animals. Often misses her mom and who her dad used to be.

8 years old. One of the "baby sisters" of the group. Misses Stephen, sees him as a big-brother type figure. Loves Mikey (aka Mike), has a huge little-girl crush on him. Misses Adam, her first crush, she now sees him as a big-brother type figure too. Sees Xinbi as a close uncle-like figure. Misses Darren sometimes, doesn't understand why he never came back.

Ray: Is the breaking point of extreme emotions/stress (for example, extreme fear, confusion, or helplessness). Reverts to basic instincts and animalistic actions/thought processes. Very shy, meek, submissive, easily overwhelmed, easily stressed, easily scared, untrusting, very animalistic, dislikes loud noises, dislikes sudden movements, wary of new people, sees herself as having "omega" status. Prefers to stay indoors, dislikes the dark and open spaces. Can react violently if feeling threatened or cornered. Relies heavily on actions, body language, and noises rather than words to communicate. Sentences are broken/choppy, often incomplete, and vocabulary is limited. She is not potty-trained and doesn't understand what a bathroom is, but thankfully she now knows enough to go "get" someone else, such as Cassandra or Rain, if she needs to go.

10 years old. More dog-like than human, treated as the "pet" of the group. Is not very independent but is intelligent. Sees Kat as the "alpha"/leader. Trusts and loves Mike, sees him as her "mate" and will remain loyal to him. Physical appearance according to her : mostly human but part husky. (Sees Kat as untamed, as an alpha wolf. Sees herself as tamed and submissive, as a breed of dog). Sees herself as having chin-length auburn-red hair, red/white dog ears, green eyes, human face/body, paws instead of hands/feet, and a red/white husky tail.

Lynn: She is more of Cassandra's unmet childhood needs, only with an earlier start than Cassie. She's the one who misses mom and dad, who wants to go home, and who wants nothing more than to be held and comforted. She's easily scared, often fussy, cries easily, and doesn't know that mom is dead, nor does she know that dad moved away and she doesn't know why she's not in her old house/room. She has nightmares, is afraid of the dark, and is very dependent on other people. She likes cartoons and stuffed animals, and loves her sippy cup. (Not much else is known about her).

2 years old. She has the mind-set of a 2 year old. Luckily, she is potty trained. Unfortunately, she's only potty trained enough to tell others when she needs to go. Whether or not she makes it is a 50/50 chance. This is of course very embarassing to the older personalities and makes Cassandra feel like a burden upon Mike. Lynn so far likes Mike, sees him as a "baby-sitter", but is still wary of him. She misses her mom and dad very much and would give anything to go home.

"Hannibal": Is a self-destructive, self-punishing personality/multiple. Does not consider himself to be a part of Cassandra/the "host". Has never given a name for himself. Very manipulative, persuassive, violent, cruel, abusive, controlling, apathetic to the well-being of the "host" and other personalities. Enjoys self-mutilation, but since he does not see himself as part of the "host" he does not see it as "self" mutilation. His voice is not always heard and his presence is not always there or detected. Seeminly emotionless, has an even/monotone voice. Mainly abusive to Kat; his abuse is what helped her to turn angry and abusive towards Cassandra and the other personalities. His actions were done out of love for Kat and out of a desire to make her invincible and strong. Prefers using others to do his bidding. Nicknamed "Hannibal" for the violent and destructive behaviour mirrored in the movies with "Hannibal 'The Cannibal' Lecter". Instead of inflicting harm upon others, he inflicts harm upon the "host" and other personalities, who he views as "others" that are separate from himself.

Age unknown, most likely older than Kat but has not been around as long as she has. (I've heard Kat's voice as long as I can remember, his first noticeable appearance through abusing Kat was when I was 13 years old. I did not hear his voice until I was 16/17 years old).

Rebel: Also goes by "sandra". Outgoing, bold, upfront, loves to party and have fun, social, sarcastic, loves to joke around, hates following rules, hated school and homework, just wants to have fun in life. Loves adventure. Enjoys drinking, smoking (both kinds), and doing acid. Would love to try other things such as shrooms and ecstasy. Enjoys it not only for the feeling, but for the rule-breaking. A bit of a kleptomaniac, usually can't help but snag 1 or 2 small things that aren't nailed down in places. Loves to just let loose and be wild and spontaneous, but likes to have friends to do it with.

18 years old. Loves Jeremy, always did, sees herself as "his girl". When he rejected her, she couldn't take it and went into hiding. She knows nothing of what's gone on since the summer of 2009. She thinks she's still dating Jeremy and still living at her apartment on Allen/Murray.

Valera: Also goes by "fraulein". (Valera: Russian form of Valerie, meaning "strong"). A mixture of Rebel and Kataki. Usually serious or reserved, realistic, willing to work to get what she wants but will break rules to do so. Likes to break rules, enjoys partying every now and then, likes to have fun as long as it doesn't interfere with her path to her goals. Independent, doesn't like to rely on anyone or receive help. Has a temper, but usually keeps it in check until an appropriate time. Ultimately just wants to have fun in life but willing to work to be able to do so. Enjoys smoking (both types) and drinking, but is responsible with it and only lets loose when she can afford to.

23 years old. Sees herself as Adam's girl. Is willing to wait for him, run away with him (even if it means throwing her life away), go into business with him, anything to keep that chance of ending up together alive. He was her childhood crush, her first kiss, first love, and she keeps loving him despite how he's changed. Despises Jeremy, sees him as a pathetic wanna-be that's going nowhere in life. Though she's been in hiding, she's aware of everything that's been going on. She's unsure of Mike, sees him as simply an outlet for sexual frustration for now, and still favors Adam completely. Considers herself to be of Russian/Romanian descent though the body is not.

Kyra: Also goes by "Missy K". Was the main one out during 8th grade, and co-hosted with L.C. for that whole year (Cassandra was in the "background"). She has only been out once since 8th grade, and has lived a completely different life from reality while inside the depths of Cassandra's mind.

This is her reality: She joined the cross country team and did track in high school. She hung out with the kids that sat in the corner of the classrooms, and started smoking pot when she was 16. She tends to hang out with older kids, and smokes pot and does acid occasionally. She has never had alcohol, says she never has and never will. She started smoking cigarettes when she was 17, and started to use her old skateboard to get around more often. When she was 16/17, she and her dad used to get in to physical fights. She usually lost the fights, but they toughened her up. She was raped at age 16 by a friend, and she cut all ties with that "friend". She barely graduated high school with a "C" average grade. She still lives with her dad, technically. She spends her time couch-hopping and on the streets, sometimes staying at the Joyce Hotel in downtown Portland. She worked at Wendy's full time and had food stamps. Her dad bought her a motorcycle as he promised for graduating high school. It's a 2009 Honda Rebel bike, 331 lbs., a "beginner bike", named Christine after the car in the movie "Christine". She now works the graveyard shift at the AMPM on Allen/Lombard, sometimes working the gas station there as well, and runs drugs on the side sometimes. In 2010, she ran into her old friend from 8th grade, David Gates, and they ended up hooking up. She crashes at his place often, and stays at the Joyce hotel when she can't. They've been dating for almost a year now. She wants to go to school to work on motorcycles, repairing them and doing custom paint jobs.

This is the reality Kyra doesn't know: Cassandra started smoking pot and drinking at age 17/18. She didn't do cross country in high school, she never got into physical fights with her dad, and she ended up dating the friend that raped her when she was 16. She's only done acid once. She didn't start smoking cigarettes until she was 18 either. She's never really skateboarded or longboarded, she used to be a longboarding group's "groupie" and would play around with their longboards, but never did anything serious. She's only stayed at the Joyce hotel once, she doesn't live with her dad anymore, and she didn't run into David Gates until 2011, and she's not dating him. She's never even touched a motorcycle, either. She doesn't have a job and doesn't run drugs.

Kyra is 20 years old, and still knows nothing of the true reality yet.

Sorting all of me out defined roles