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Baby Alter *TW*

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Baby Alter *TW*

Postby bevia » Mon Oct 21, 2013 12:19 am

I hope i'm not repeating anything. I've been searching but haven't found this topic.

Lately i've been hearing a baby crying and my SO says i've been sucking my thumb at night (embarrassing) My toddler alter keeps screaming "we have to get her" but that's all she is able to tell me. I've been having body memories and little clips of (Trigger Warning. My dad pinching and pulling on my private area)

I doubt these memories because I was so young. Do you think I could be remembering being abused as a baby? My toddler alter does remember some events that I have accepted but a baby? Is it even possible to have memories that young?
Last edited by lifelongthing on Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited in the full words of "trigger warning" as not everyone knows what TW stands for
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Re: Baby Alter *TW*

Postby lifelongthing » Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:31 am

Do you think I could be remembering being abused as a baby? My toddler alter does remember some events that I have accepted but a baby? Is it even possible to have memories that young?

Yes. With DID these memories are compartmentalized, effectively having part of you stay with that memory. I have memories of abuse as a baby, as do many on here. We think DID makes us forget more than most, but in reality we forget a lot less - we just don't have access to all of it at once. Next comes accepting, acknowledging and caring for that scared baby.

I'm sorry to hear about your experiences. I hope you can help the part(s) of you that have experienced that.
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Re: Baby Alter *TW*

Postby bevia » Mon Oct 21, 2013 6:02 pm

Thank you for your response, it really helped.
I'm feeling very ashamed of myself and want to apologize to everyone for adding the trigger warning. I could have said "trauma" or "abuse" I didn't need to give details. I go to a group for people with DID and I know better than to use details and I am sooooo sorry. I don't know why I felt it was o.k. to do that here.
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Re: Baby Alter *TW*

Postby lifelongthing » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:53 pm

I'm glad I could help :)

There is absolutely nothing wrong with giving details here. I think many of us feel a need to and I have written very specific things here myself. I commend you for being able to share it on here :)

I added the full words for "trigger warning" as not everyone knows what TW stands for, but don't worry about it. You have not done anything wrong and I sincerely think it is good that you're posting this.

Do you think you'll be able to help that baby part of you?
Do you think you can take care of yourself and give yourself some good self-care in all of this?

:)
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Re: Baby Alter *TW*

Postby bevia » Tue Oct 22, 2013 3:45 am

Yes. I saw my T today and she spent time explaining how people with DID and PTSD store memories different than others.
She helped me visualize holding the baby, keeping her warm and feeding her.
I know it's going to take some time before I can get everyone inside to understand that we are safe now. My dad is dead and he can't hurt me anymore.
Thank you so much for making me feel welcome here. I've learned alot about my system by just reading some of the posts.
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Re: Baby Alter *TW*

Postby lifelongthing » Tue Oct 22, 2013 8:41 am

I'm glad you like it here, it's a really supportive place :)

She helped me visualize holding the baby, keeping her warm and feeding her.

That's great :)

I know it's going to take some time before I can get everyone inside to understand that we are safe now. My dad is dead and he can't hurt me anymore.

I'm glad to hear you are safe now. Getting insiders to know this can take a good while. Little by little you will get there :)

I hope you're having a good day :)
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Re: Baby Alter *TW*

Postby skin » Tue Oct 22, 2013 2:06 pm

finding this really interesting because it triggered. i'd add not to feel worried about adding details as it was this that triggered, and sometimes triggers bring about important revelations.

trigger warning****
can intrusive thoughts of urges to abuse young children or babies in this way be indicative of having been abused? with both my children, when they were younger, particularly babies, i had thoughts of touching them inappropriately. i never voiced this because it disturbed me and obviously i assume people would react in horror. i didn't consider that it may have been a triggered memory. is this a possibility?
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Re: Baby Alter *TW*

Postby lifelongthing » Tue Oct 22, 2013 3:19 pm

skin: very much so. I remember a goo thread about it a while back. I will do some digging for you to see if I can find it :)
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Re: Baby Alter *TW*

Postby skin » Tue Oct 22, 2013 4:07 pm

Thanks, I'd be interested to read that.
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Re: Baby Alter *TW*

Postby lifelongthing » Tue Oct 22, 2013 4:46 pm

skin, here is the link :)
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