Semantics: Parts, Alters and body ownership

This is the first DID forum I've come on because I am still finding it hard to come to terms with the diagnosis. The words alters, host, system and fronting are still unfamiliar language to me. I have always called my experience a transient personality or parts. I experience my adult body as Susie but a younger Susan and a very angry seemingly teenage part that I don't really know about and am finding hard to accept. It's like I don't want it to be part of me because it's a bit vicious and says awful things.

I tend to use the word 'parts' more. I'm still new to all this terminology and things, and have trouble with using the word 'alters', especially since my parts don't really have names right now, other than things like 'angry one', etc. Using the word 'alters' feels like I'm giving them solid identities, and I'm terrified of that; I'd rather think of it as just parts of me that do stuff on their own, especially since I'm usually (I think) co-conscious with whatever part is in control.

Also, all the parts still use my birth name or nickname outside, and I still use singular person for everything, so it'd be weird to consider them separate entities rather than just parts. It's also mostly situational when they come out, as far as I know, so I feel like there's not really a need for names since there's no need to ask which is/was out since it's pretty predictable.

Its hard to call myself 'host', as well, just because I'm so new at this, but I guess I am since I'm the one out most, as far as I know- pretty sure I'm the only one that posts here, another reason names aren't really necessary since I don't have a need to distiguish who is out for other people. If another part is out there's no desire to go on here, they have other interests.

I sort of prefer alters. I mean, we're all alters, you know? Being called a part, sure, it does put us on equal ground, but the host sorta made it like we were... not people when we were parts, which we more or less are (minus the whole body thing). Like a part of her, which, I mean, I guess we're all parts, but I prefer alters. We're not parts of her, but more like parts of a singular being made up of ALL of us. Calling us alters, it's like we all ought to get a share of the pie (i.e., body/life), you know?

To me..

Sometimes they're parts when they relate to the physical whole or scientific mind.

Sometimes they're alters when I'm in another world.

Sometimes I ebb and flow continuously to a part that day to day I experience as a discreet alter.

I find it difficult to be consistent. To me the different states are floating Venn like bubbles, varying in distance with some very close and some a journey away.

Re-opening this topic because it's important to us and we're struggling for some clarity here.

Trigger warning for not wanting to offend anybody.

We've always had a definite stance on various items of multiple-personality terminology since realizing in 1996 that we're a "we." But because some of us can be overly blunt (various system members point to Laura), we've gotten more than a little hesitant to address the terminology issue.

But we have to resolve this within ourselves. This "unfinished business" is impeding our overall sense of who we are as a system and as individuals within that system.

So, we're going to do our best to speak only for ourselves and state things in a way that doesn't invalidate the views or experience of anyone else here. We expect that we will make several posts as we consider various portions of this issue. It's too big to tackle at once.

*Deep breath*

Okay, let's start with body ownership. Our body belongs to everyone in the system. However, everyone in the system is obligated to live by the principle of system responsibility, and to treat the body safely at all times. We do not SI, although we have some minor eating issues and trichotillomania issues.

With the above in mind, we regard the body as a container or vehicle, albeit a living one that requires care and the respect of all within. Some of us hate what the body looks like; many others don't care, because they can more easily separate their individual identities from the external "identity" that the world sees. We try to compromise on clothing, haircut, etc. in a way that's at least acceptable to all inside.

Alters: We've never liked the term and never use it. We saw a very helpful statement by Johnny-Jack that reflects our view:

We're all the same person, so elevating any part of us as the true person or more real or more justified seems ridiculous to me. Any of us old enough to grasp our situation at all don't hold that we aren't the same person, even if we did at first return.

The only thing we'd change for us about the above is that all of us, regardless of age, understand that we're not the same person. The only possible exception would be baby amanda, who is about six to nine months old, and whose thought processes, if any, are unknown to us. Ditto with her capacity to feel emotions.

Parts: We're a little less uncomfortable with this term, although it's not a favorite. In being members of a collective, we are parts of the whole. The term "parts" carries no implication that any one of them is more important or valid or real than the rest, so we can live with it. We prefer "system members" or "inside family," although we recognize that the latter term might carry a negative connotation for other people. It works for us because we are our family of choice.

Well, that's about all we can deal with in one sitting. We really want to discuss terms like "host" and "split," but those will have to wait.

Various MDs (Charity, Mary, Laura, Allegra, and others, to varying degrees at various times)

I've thought about this topic a few times as well.. I really like the description that dissociated1 put here of the chocolate bar.. pieces breaking off and less of the original whole remaining... I do admit that I call myself the host, as it sounds most logical to me. It's been just me for sixteen years before I split.. and then, yuki could take over but was supressed for most of the time, and marvolo never really tried to take over until years after. Sharing the body is something we have only done for about two years now, one for Yuki even, so I do greatly consider it 'mine'. What also strengthens that feeling is that in our mind, the others look different, while I'm still just me, looking the same as I would when looking in a mirror...

Yuki does have some problems being perceived as 'just an alter' though, but I don't know how else to regard her. Giving up the title as host would give me a sense of losing control.. I know that since i split, I wasn't the same as before, but I still lived the life of a full person. also, with hosting come responsibilities that the others don't want, such as schoolwork, family, work... It's mostly me who's out.

I suppose that we will stay host and alters for a long time still..

We thought about the chocolate-bar analogy, which seemed like it might work for us at first. But on further consideration, it didn't.

Let's assume that we start off with a very large chocolate bar which could possibly be divided into many pieces. Here are the issues that come up for us:

1. Once the pieces are broken off, there's no organic link to each other. Our system has the body to "contain" us all. With a chocolate bar, the end result is a bunch of separate pieces with no natural container.

2. In our estimation, the vast majority of multiples don't discover their entire system at once. How would we know how many pieces the chocolate bar needed to be broken into? What about pieces of pieces? The latter question is one we struggle with, and beyond the scope of our ability to address now.

3. Even if individual pieces don't break off (differentiate) until specific times, it doesn't mean that they still aren't separate. They may be separate and simply not know it. Each one may feel as if they're the entire chocolate bar, but it's possible that they just don't have enough awareness.

Those are our thoughts at the moment. Thanks.

MDs

Like others, we only use the terms 'alters' and 'host' and stuff like that whilst in this kind of company. We don't really have words like that at all. I don't have my own word for them. Leon calls us his 'motley crew', Cad thinks of us as fellow 'agents' or something. It's all very casual.

I'm only considered the 'host' because my personality and appearance is how family and friends accept us. I don't have to be careful while I'm in control, so it's kind of a natural position for me. It doesn't mean I front more or I'm more significant than the others.

I use terms like 'aggressive' and 'social' in my signature for each of the others but there's more to all of us than that, really. We all have things we're better at handling and we don't have a 'system' so much as a mutual understanding.

Except for Elle. We hate Elle.

Colher-6 wrote:Like others, we only use the terms 'alters' and 'host' and stuff like that whilst in this kind of company. We don't really have words like that at all. I don't have my own word for them. Leon calls us his 'motley crew', Cad thinks of us as fellow 'agents' or something. It's all very casual.

We need our terms to be consistent and well-defined. Consistency and stability are huge issues for us. We had very little of either during our childhood.

Colher-6 wrote:I'm only considered the 'host' because my personality and appearance is how family and friends accept us. I don't have to be careful while I'm in control, so it's kind of a natural position for me. It doesn't mean I front more or I'm more significant than the others.

We also struggle with acceptability. If only one of us is acceptable to others, then by definition, that person is elevated to another level. We know it's not in our best interest to define our value in terms of how other people see us. But we all want and need to be on equal footing, with ourselves and with others.

Colher-6 wrote:I use terms like 'aggressive' and 'social' in my signature for each of the others but there's more to all of us than that, really. We all have things we're better at handling and we don't have a 'system' so much as a mutual understanding.

In the context of being multiple, we've never seen the term "system" as referring to a way of doing things. We've also never been aware of others who saw it this way. To us, "system" is simply another word for "group," "collective," and the like.

Colher-6 wrote:Except for Elle. We hate Elle.

Much to our chagrin, we can really relate to this. We have several instances of people who simply don't like each other. This goes against our ideals, and it saddens us. It also brings back our feelings of being unacceptable. If we were "good enough," we would all get along.

Thanks for your thoughts.

MDs

MakersDozn wrote:

Colher-6 wrote:Except for Elle. We hate Elle.

Much to our chagrin, we can really relate to this. We have several instances of people who simply don't like each other. This goes against our ideals, and it saddens us. It also brings back our feelings of being unacceptable. If we were "good enough," we would all get along.

Thanks for your thoughts.

MDs

Just because one or two of your alters are intolerable means you're all 'not good enough?' You can't get along with everyone, alters included. Heck, there are days when we don't get along with ourselves! Who are the ones you don't get along with?