patterns preceding discovery of a new alter

I've notice a pattern happening before we re-connect with an alter we didn't know about. There are disruptions of the norm -- I know that's really vague -- happening up to a few weeks before we meet a new alter, which usually means they take over the body. Memories, images, feelings, often repeated, things that don't feel business as usual. There is always doubt that any of it could possibly mean anything, even though I know it will.

Two days ago I started jotting down the names of our alters during a meeting at work. Then more names, as for possible alters who might show up some day? Some were names I liked or felt some affinity for. But this started increasing my doubts about the DID, like was I trying to create a new alter retroactively? Did I want the number of us to be higher? Why?! Some names were just ones I thought were cool at some point, I guess, but several ended up containing similar letters or sound patterns, especially the letter Y: Ryley, Rudy, Brady, Bryce.

Last night I felt something happening, somebody wanting the body I guessed, and I let go. There was a lot of fear and the legs started clenching oddly. Sphinx immediately announced this was a new alter, as he's discerned before, but I was sure I was making up Sphinx saying that. The doubt and denial were high and I've noticed this is part of the pattern -- at the arrival of a new alter and for a time leading up to it. This boy was too traumatized to learn much beyond a rough age, his fear, body movement, and some guesses based on feelings.

Sphinx urged me to journal or come onto the forum and change our signature but I didn't know the new one's name and I still thought I was making it all up. What was all that? Yes, it seemed like a new boy but I just kept doubting. I wrote a couple names but they didn't feel right. Then I heard Brody and it felt like the tumblers of a padlock falling into place. I'd never heard that name before but I wrote it. After some online research, I believe his name came from one we would have heard often at his age: John Brodie, San Francisco quarterback. We probably wouldn't have known the spelling.

My main observation is that although I usually have no denial about my DID, doubt does seem to rise noticeably around the time of discovering a new alter. Does this happen for others? Are there other patterns you notice before you meet someone new?

Like you, I as the host, tend to experience a lot of denial right before and during the discovery of a new alter. A lot of things will click into place that hadn't made sense before and really, really freak me out on a big level. Sometimes I'll notice more lost time or other alters being secretive about something.

*trigger - denial*

I feel bad looking for more. I feel like sometimes I might be trying to create them rather than simply exploring my own "family tree" so to speak, but Genesis always reassures me that I'm doing the right thing and I she would tell me if I were making someone up. Then I usually tell her that I'm making her and the others up and I'm just ridiculous.

*end trigger*

Other patterns, I've noticed is that I'll start getting "flashes" of feelings that don't seem to belong to me or anyone else that I know of or can confirm with. Things that I hadn't realized were triggers suddenly seem like triggers.

My main observation is that although I usually have no denial about my DID, doubt does seem to rise noticeably around the time of discovering a new alter. Does this happen for others?

Absolutely. I have no doubt I have DID but right before meeting a new alter my denial tends to go kind of haywire and I start doubting that the alters I already know are real alters and that I myself am just a product of my imagination and it just gets kind of weird to be honest -- mostly because I can't seem to just think "I don't have DID". Which was a positive step at one point but more of a hindrance now in many ways. Ah well, such is life.

Things that I hadn't realized were triggers suddenly seem like triggers.

This is one of the biggest tip off's for me. Things that didn't use to trigger me will trigger me in ways that I'm not used to being triggered.

I will often times more easily fall into trances, I have a tendency to just kind of "fall out" of conversations etc around that time too. I'm guessing because someone behind a dissociative barrier is trying to peek through.

Interesting thread

Also, welcome to Brody What a nice name! I hope he's able to heal in time and see the joys that are present in the life you are making for yourselves Thinking of you

Yes I have this. For me, I think it's some kind of protective mechanism cause it'll make sure that we'll be able to brush the whole meeting off as fantasy. I'm beginning to think this happened a lot of times, with all the alters we don't acknowledge, which are about 14-15 alters I think. Not sure cause I more or less ignore them, and because I keep thinking I made them up if I do notice them.

Mostly before and during becoming aware of a new alter, I get flashes of weird feelings and memories. Like I feel like 'not-me' but I can't identify to which alter this me-feeling does belong. Then I'll hear/see memories and associated feelings that I wasn't aware of before. This is all I know cause usually by that time I've already decided it's not true and try not to pay attention to it because I'm scared it will get worse if I would pay attention.

I should make a system map which includes these forgotten ones, but it's just so difficult cause I'm hardly aware of them at all, which to me makes it really easy to confuse what's going on with who.