addiction

So, this might not be the right forum, but I have a problem with addiction. I post it here because I feel more safe here and it's somewhat related to the dissociation.

** Trigger warning: it's about addiction, but NO substance abuse, except for a few mentions of the thing **

*rant*

So, I have to admit, I am addicted. I don't want to say to what exactly, but the important thing is that it's on the computer. (Not this forum, though! Although I can get caught up in it too.) I feel like I should do what I'm doing. I neglect all kinds of stuff I have to do (cleaning my room, reading letters etc.). I neglect to keep a healthy day schedule (I'm at home all day, so it doesn't really matter, but still). I get up late, sleep late. Etc etc.

I think the problem is I don't want to face my troubles. In my life, I've always occupied myself with something. I just start to feel bad when I do something like cleaning, that doesn't require much focus but still requires some attention. Things that don't require attention (walking, for example) cause me to dissociate (at least, that's what I've been thinking). I get lost in myself. Not in a healthy way: it seems like I'm not really thinking about anything really. I'm just lost. This might be 'lost time', but I haven't really figured out that yet and that's a separate topic.

I've read dissociation and addiction often come together. I've read DID is more often found in alcohol addicts. And I know addiction is there often to avoid trouble. Well, that could very well be applied to me.

Is there anyone on here that has dealt with something similar?

I have tried once to block it altogether. It didn't work in the long term. It made it much worse at first (I tried to work around it in every possible way). It did work at the moment (I was very stressed with school stuff, which caused the addiction in the first place, and it helped me focus and not 'lose time' to the computer).

*breath, calming myself a bit*

I get lost on this forum too. But not that severe. I hope someone can relate. Maybe I should post this in the addiction forum. Well I'll see.

*end rant*

Edit: so that already helped a bit to get this off my chest.

I've gotten addicted to this forum before. Neglecting things I need to do, staying on here for 12 hours a day, posting, refreshing, reading, obsessing, the works. Now it's mainly due to OCD and instability that I'm on here as much as I am, not addiction. I made myself take a break, get used to not getting on here, distancing myself and working on the mindsets I'd gotten like, "I NEED to get on and post and help others", or "What if someone's having a hard time and I'm the only one on that can help them? I NEED to be on in case of that!", or "I HAVE to get on and post and then refresh to see if my posts are being read or posted on", and on and on and on. So I took a break, got off the forum for a couple months, came back, gave myself guidelines to follow and "rules", and try to follow them to the best of my ability. I also try to compromise with others that want to get on here or stay on here longer so that I'm not on here all the time. And I've managed to stay in control for the most part (aside from when my/Shay's OCD gets really bad).


Try setting small goals for yourself and working on them. Like, "Today, I'll do this chore, and then get back on the computer", or stuff like that. Addictions are definitely an escape to not face problems, so they need to be recognized and worked on.


-Cassandra

oaktree wrote:Is there anyone on here that has dealt with something similar?

I think you'd probably be pretty hard pressed to find anyone on this forum who hasn't experienced some level of addiction issues (maybe they wouldn't use those words exactly though). When you consider the numbers of behaviours that can fall under this type of coping strategy: alcoholism, gambling, porn, eating disorders, self-harm, shopping addiction, drugs, internet addiction the list goes on and on and on.

Usually these types of negative coping mechanisms serve to distract us from other bad feelings (ie in this case whatever bad stuff has initially caused our unresolved dissociative issues). Through engaging in the behaviour, often the reward centres of the brain may be flooded with happy chemicals in response to these types of behaviours which then makes the behaviour become more entrenched and difficult to shake because our brain gets used to the reward feeling of the chemicals.

Personally just trying to stop a negative, addictive coping mechanism usually isn't very effective unless you try to replace it with a more positive and healthy coping mechanism. It can be pretty difficult to work out what is going to be effective healthy coping strategies and learn how to do them well enough to maintain lasting adequate relief. For example, often talking about the underlying feelings that are causing the behaviour can help, but it takes a lot of time to build up a support network who you feel comfortable talking to and also takes time to learn to talk more openly than you may have been in the past so that you can get the full benefit of this healthy coping strategy. So usually a better strategy can be to gradually try to cut down on the unhealthy coping strategy and gradually introduce a healthier coping strategy to compensate to help with how you are feeling. But yeah, it can be hard to work out what works.

Non-purging Bulimia is probably the biggest addictive issue I have and I can certainly relate to your difficulties with your struggles, even though it's about different stuff.

Hi there.

I agree with Salted lipstick! Addictions appear in such a big scale (everyone seems to have at least one!) and they are used to numb something. A feeling, pain, traumas, memories. Our addiction has been Pepsi max. Or more likely caffeinated sodas! We could drink 1,5 litres in a day without any problems.

We actually left all the caffeinated sodas away for this weekend. I went to the grocery store yesterday to buy non-caffeinated soda and everyone was trembling and being reaaally mad/anxious because we couldn't grab the usual sodas! Our sweet poison. Anxiety has calmed down or then we just cope with it better because it's not as bad as before when we didn't have our poison with us.

Many, many, numerous traumas and feelings/thoughts have surfaced after leaving our addiction at bay! At times we feel like we are not addicted even slightly and at times the addiction and anxiety sky rockets back to normal. But we decided (at least I did!) not to use caffeine again to numb our pain! It's time to face the feelings and memories behind numbness and we've done pretty good job this far. ^_^

Hi,,
I definitely agree with the advice you have been given. Just know that you are not alone. I have done most of it. Drugs, alcohol sex, computer and to look at me now I would have to say food. The only thing I can say is a great support system is needed. If you need to talk pm me. I am willing to listen.

I'm addicted to the Internet. I have spent pretty much literally all my free time on the Internet for years. I literally couldn't stay off. I've neglected a lot for it. But it's getting better now.

I think the first step was starting to learn the patterns. If you know the pattern, you can anticipate when things will be worse and you also know what to avoid. Learning the pattern isn't easy. I'm not good with feelings, but I go on the Internet when I feel bad. The problem is that half the time I don't realise that I'm feeling bad. But the very first thing I learned was that negative self-talk/putting pressure on myself made it worse.

After that, for me, what helped was accepting where I was at. Not comparing myself to everyone else. Not saying, "Look at how much time I've wasted and all I didn't get done." Not saying, "S***, I went back on." I had to accept that all of that made it worse. And I had to look at myself and say, "Any time I am not on the Internet, I am doing good - this is an accomplishment for me." Sort of accepting the idea that this isn't going to be fixed all at once and comparing myself to myself.

It is also way easier if you choose a replacement activity that you actually enjoy. I have lots of stuff I have to get done, but if I say, "I NEED to get this done," I am liable to spend WAY more time on the Internet.

That is all great help. Thank you all!

tomboy24 wrote:"I NEED to get on and post and help others"

Ow, yes. It's not the same for me, but I know the feeling of 'needing' to do something very well. Ouch.

salted lipstick wrote:Personally just trying to stop a negative, addictive coping mechanism usually isn't very effective unless you try to replace it with a more positive and healthy coping mechanism.

This is a very important thing, and I never really realized this. Means I have to look for something different. Which isn't easy (for me). Gradually stopping is probably indeed the best way, and now I think of it, yes of course. It can't be done overnight.

Adameil wrote:Many, many, numerous traumas and feelings/thoughts have surfaced after leaving our addiction at bay!

Now you say that... it makes sense. The times when I was less addicted (it goes indeed up and down, sometimes it seems to be gone for a while) I learned new (dissociative) things about myself far more easily. Things started to make sense. Then I got addicted again and, apparently, it came to a halt.

Snuffthroostr: thank you for the invitation.

michiru7422 wrote:but I go on the Internet when I feel bad.

That.
michiru7422, you give some very interesting points. I did (almost) all the things you said won't help. And yes, they didn't really help, indeed. I guess now is the time to look for a good replacement activity - or rather, activities, as one will probably get very boring very quickly. I remember having a few over the years. They indeed helped me to not stay on the internet/computer. But I didn't fully realize it back then.

The times when I was less addicted (it goes indeed up and down, sometimes it seems to be gone for a while) I learned new (dissociative) things about myself far more easily. Things started to make sense. Then I got addicted again and, apparently, it came to a halt.

I'm battling this same issue at the moment - for me it's certain smokeable herbs that do it. I was a super-stoner for about 15 years and lately I'm learning that it helped me keep knowledge about my dissociation out of my consciousness and cement me (host) at the front without interference from inside. It blocks out the others and gives me a great excuse for some symptoms, e.g. an abysmal memory. Before it was safe to engage with any trauma this was a great coping mechanism, but now it is becoming dysfunctional. My Others are very kindly and patiently trying to wean me off the herb at the moment, because I'm blocking our healing process, but I'm not saying it's easy...

Ruby

I've been addicted to soda. Really, really addicted. Like Adameil, we could liters a day. Especially if some of the kids came out.

I'm working through each of these addictions, but it's really, really hard.
With soda, I found what I like is not necessarily the soda itself, but I like the bubbles and the fact that it tastes like something other than water. I thought about this for a while and then switched to diet sodas. This didn't really help since it was still an aspartame-laden money pit. So I started buying seltzer water. Even if I just buy plain seltzer water, the taste is different enough that I like it, and I like the bubbles. I've been drinking seltzer water for about a month now, maybe a little longer and I've allowed myself a couple of sodas here and there, but I've found that I like soda less now. I don't like any of the "dark" sodas like coke or pepsi anymore unless they're fresh from the tap. I can stand 7-up or Sprite, but I never really liked those to begin with, so I'm not overly inclined to drink them now. I've also started taking a water bottle to work which I leave in my back office and just come back to sip for a minute when I'm not overly busy. As the weeks have passed, I'm finding that I'm drinking less seltzer water too. Instead of drinking 3 or 4 cans, maybe I'll drink 1 or 2. Or as a treat, I'll buy some San Pellegrino from the cafe at work. So I don't think that I've been able to do this because I've substituted one thing for another, but because I identified what it was that I liked about drinking soda and found something healthier to drink until I realized that I didn't need a drink to make me happy and that it can become an occasional treat. That aside, it becomes all the more special when we can afford to go out to eat because it's not something we get everyday.

I doubt this would work for everyone, but I thought I'd share in hopes that it helps you. Good luck.

First of all, I want to say that everything I wrote was what I found to be helpful. It isn't necessarily the case for you or anyone else.

But then, I want to say that I did all the bad things I wrote too. I think it's natural to do all those things because (at least in my case), people would tell me things like, just stop cold-turkey (or whatever), and I couldn't do that. Or I'd be faced with all the people I let down (or whatever) because I couldn't stay off. So I'd get frustrated like, why can't I do this???, and I would try absolutely anything (even unhealthy stuff) to try and stop and try and get done what I needed to get done.

But I also think that it was worth it in some ways. Because I learned what didn't work. Maybe it took me a long time, but I eventually learned. Without the trial and error, I would never have known.

I also want to share two quotes with you. "Everyone is doing the best they can all the time with what they have," (source unknown) and "You couldn't have done what you are doing one minute sooner." (Mike Lew). You can argue with these quotes all you want about how you are an exception, but I believe that this applies to EVERYbody in the whole world.