Changing name and age, still the same?

by **lifelongthing** » Thu Dec 27, 2012 7:33 pm

Hi everyone..

We've talked briefly to galaxies about this (but I'd love to hear your input by the way) and I thought I'd take a leap of faith and trust you here with some info about myself..

I was wondering if there are others like me on here:
I have two "states".. I'm either 26 years old, with the memories I am currently holding and then my name is Lianne. When I'm not Lianne, I'm Hay Lin and I'm 12, and I have the memories associated with when I was in that "state".

Long story short, I split at 12 and aged to 13, before something very traumatic occurred and I sort.. did something.. and aged both back down to 12 and to 26 at once, to be able to handle the double role I had now gotten due to certain (ongoing) trauma.

On the inside I just have one body (that of the 26 year old), but my 12 year old self doesn't really "look like" the 26 year old to her own "inner eye" on the inside world. When in that "state" is is very uncomfortable to be called by the wrong name (feels kind of like when I'm called Nin, actually) etc, which in part is why I usually go by "Lin", to encompass both "states" more comfortably.

It's hard to explain.
What is this? Am I just too weird?

- Lianne, 26

Yes, this too. This is something I've thought about many times because our littles have a problem with this. When Ana is out and for instance, we've washed the sink - she'll walk into the room and say "it's not clean [under there]" and there is just this real dissonance between her actually seeing that and that the body (with the eyes where they are) shouldn't have been able to see it. The world seems bigger when you're smaller. It's weird really.

My brain is funny when Im 6 it has less big complicated thoughts too there is less hurting of my heart there too

I'm glad it's like that for you and that you're 6 most of the time now (isn't that what you told, Eliesa? I might be remembering wrong, sorry if I am).

I wonder why my name changes though.. And why the different "states" don't feel cohesive.. It feels like I split in two.. But not necessarily in the DID "split" way..
It helps to know you understand though Kitty

by **oaktree** » Fri Dec 28, 2012 11:30 am

Just wanted to say I have a related question. It's here:
switching while retaining sense of self?

Maybe this is when one alter is half-'split'? Or half-dissociated? Not entirely two alters but not really one. Maybe ego states that are very dissociated? Or maybe co-conscious while you don't know it? I'm just thinking out loud.

by **lifelongthing** » Fri Dec 28, 2012 11:36 am

Maybe this is when one alter is half-'split'? Or half-dissociated? Not entirely two alters but not really one. Maybe ego states that are very dissociated? Or maybe co-conscious while you don't know it? I'm just thinking out loud.

Feels like this. Ana used to know "us both". But I didn't always remember what happened in this other "state". I use the word state because I don't know what to call it.. It doesn't feel cohesive. Like now, the one out is Lianne, I am 26 and like these and these things. When Hay Lin is out, she/I is 12 and likes other things. Now I remember everything that happens in both, but only vaguely like Kitty said. The basis of who we are is the same, but there are many differences in perception of self and of others but we both have the core things in common. It feels like I split into two but without the DID-sort of splitting. Both are me, but still not.

-- Fri Dec 28, 2012 11:38 am --

25,5 alters haha :lol:

Yeah I know :roll:

-- Fri Dec 28, 2012 11:41 am --

I've heard something about not a "full split" on here before, anyone have any info on this?

by **tomboy24** » Fri Dec 28, 2012 11:33 pm

In a way, Kat has "split" (I do dislike that word so much, but a "more-correct" word that's recognizable hasn't really been found yet). She has "two sides" of herself now. There is "Kataki", which is where she resorts back to her old self for protection purposes and becomes the ruthless force she used to be, and there is "Katherine", where sometimes glimpses of her old self can be seen when she's able to "let loose" and play with Cassie or openly talk to someone about something, and stuff like that. Combined, these make up her, "Kat", where she is right now. A mixture of a ruthless force and a gentle guardian. Her memories and age don't shift, but I brought this up because with DID, we always say all things are possible, and thus that would lead to the idea that alters may be able to have different "sides" to themselves as well. After all, we are all alters in here. The only difference is that the level of dissociation is taken a bit further for some people with some alters on some levels. Especially when you have an alter that's gone through a lot of change or perhaps had different "purposes/roles" or something, like Kat. She started out more like Rain when she was Katherine; then with trauma, time, and attempts to survive/cope (and manipulation) she became Kataki and was more like "Hannibal"; and then with a better environment, time, and communication/understanding, she became Kat, and is now more like a mix of Kataki and Katherine.

It's possible that something like this is what's going on with you, except the level of dissociation is "deeper"/"greater" in the sense that your memories change with your name and age.

~The Hawk

by **lifelongthing** » Fri Dec 28, 2012 11:48 pm

Thank you

I appreciate sharing that about Kat.

we always say all things are possible, and thus that would lead to the idea that alters may be able to have different "sides" to themselves as well. After all, we are all alters in here.

Yeah, definitely feels that way.

Changing name and age, still the same?

Changing name and age, still the same?

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