How often do you encounter 'fakers', online or otherwise?

And what do you do when you feel that person is using a disorder of the mind to get attention or to blame 'alters' for actions they later regret? I was in a support group for many years, one that accommodated ALL mental health disorders and there was a man who had two alters and would constantly fluctuate between the two within minutes. Cussing someone out, then saying sorry "that was Jeff."

It was clearly a charade, and we all knew it, but because of the policy within the group(and respect) we were not allowed to publicly acknowledge what everyone felt: he was doing this for attention. I have also seen this type of behavior on other forums(NOT THIS ONE, I'm new here) - people making posts and signing them "Anne" and then posting an hour later saying 'Ohmigosh, I cannot believe Anne logged on and said that!' and then signing "Amanda." For me, a person who takes this disorderly seriously, I find this suspect, and feel that this disorder is taken less seriously because of these people, who may or may not have DID, but make light of it.

I have periods of 'fugue' and it has destroyed my life for many years now. I do not communicate with my 'alters', or give them names and histories and ...brag about how many personalities I host, as I have so often seen. I do not mean to be disrespectful, but as a person diagnosed with DID, who has lost friends and family, who feels as though her body is robbed of her at the whim of god-knows-who-or-what, I am sometimes frustrated by what I see to be people ...being fake.

This thread isn't about judgment, it's about frustration at those who falsely claim to have the disorder, which, IMO, is widespread, on and offline.

Thoughts? I cannot be the only one frustrated, can I?

Hi Cochoroo,

I must admit that I have similar experiences to you, and that I have a great deal of ambivalence towards this site because of that sometimes. But, I have also learned that different people have different ways of experiencing life and that must be honored. Personally, I do not find value in dwelling on the specifics of parts and their names, but I can see how very helpful it is for others. It allows one to attempt to explain that which is unexplainable. The phenomenon of dissociation is an experience that is beyond words. By entering into the dissociative world a bit more, it allows for an illustration of an experience that is very difficult for everybody.

It is very likely that you have offended several people on this site by your post, in a similar vein to how feel offended by people like the man in your group. Maybe that's a good thing. By learning to tolerate frustration, and understanding how we offend others, we learn about those who are different from us. It is very difficult to step outside of ourselves to allow for another's interpretation. In doing so, however, we open up possibilities for growth that we might not have otherwise found. The man in your group may or may not have been faking, and may or may not have been doing things for attention. But if he was, how sad is that? How sad that a man is so desperate, so lonely, and in so much pain that the only way he knows how to get the attention of others is to exaggerate and perform a dramatic display of what is very likely a real experience for him. Whatever it is that somebody may be "faking" is irrelevant; What is very real is that anybody who needs to "fake" is somebody who is deeply distressed and in desperate need of empathic support. Perhaps understanding that everybody needs to find their way in their own way will allow you to find more openness in your heart. I'm saying this as a person who very much understands the way you feel.

If we ever wish for others to understand us, we must first learn how to understand those whom we don't understand. Perhaps it is more fruitful to attempt to examine what this man triggers in you that leaves you so frustrated. You cannot change another person, but what is it about him that threatens you so? It's more than just the effects of the broader implications of a world that denies the existence of this disorder (although that is very much a huge part of it, I agree).

What is very real is that anybody who needs to "fake" is somebody who is deeply distressed and in desperate need of empathic support.

Absolutely this.

I apologize for the length of this, in advance.

We were in the psych ward for 5 months, where we got our diagnosis (we've been diagnosed twice for reasons unknown, but all the same). I was called "fake" more times than I can count because people felt I got too much attention from the staff (they did not know why I was on so much supervision as I was, and it had nothing to do with the DID but the co-morbid diagnoses in the system). So was another DID'er. The policies of this particular hospital though made the experience of it all that much worse though and without going into specifics - when the whole hospital staff doesn't believe in DID, only a few, or even know what it is - it's hard to explain to fellow patients that one cannot help it, it is real and it is painful to be denied in that way.

Anyway, another patient there was, obviously, faking the DID. I was petrified of my own diagnosis. I had no idea what it was, no one explained it to me until we were about to leave the hospital (because of a new staffer) and I had never even heard of dissociation. When I finally got a grip of what it was - I could see that this was something entirely different. She was very overt, very attention seeking and in obvious distress (not to say DID'ers can't be all these things). It later turned out that she slipped into psychosis. Her lack of displaying a cohesive personality (which ended up displaying as DID for reasons such as her need for more help and seeing what she saw from those who got more help than her, I assume) was due to this. I have known others who also have faked their DID and ended up breaking contact because they were too ashamed to live up to what they had done.

Yes, it's can be stressing but I try to always keep in mind that no matter what; that person is a person who is in distress. It's a person who deserves to be respected and empathized and cared for. They are in a deep, deep need. That is the matter to bother with, not what symptoms they choose to display.

It is possible this person was faking, or it is possible he was not. The unwitting comments and apologies for them could be either valid, or an excuse to appease bad behavior on his part. If it is valid, it would be understandable. I’ve been on the apologetic side after comments made by someone inside, so it doesn’t sound implausible. But if he is faking it or not - it is still a matter to consider that being multiple isn’t a way to avoid accountability, and that someone who uses multiplicity to deny responsibility is what really ticks me off. We work very, very hard to give multiplicity a platform that opposes the Eve/Sybil position, and it's people who manipulate multiplicity into an excuse that demeans the rest of us.

On the other hand, if he’s multiple and makes no attempt to set any kind of operating system or guidelines for the group and lets others in the system commit verbal crimes, he’s as guilty as the one being a mouthy bitch. If he is faking it, he obviously has other issues that are needing assistance. I have met people who faked this diagnosis before, and besides the betrayal of trust and lies, I thought they needed some serious help. Annoyed by it of course, but empathetic too.

On the note of the names and forums and light-side occasionally posted of DID, it boils down to perspective. Acknowledging each other by name is not necessarily making light of multiplicity. It isn’t a matter of taking it less seriously than someone who is not doing this. In our family, we respect each other as individuals with their own dreams, desires, range of emotions, and ideals. Any one of us would think it disrespectful to be thought of as a fragmented by-product of child trauma, or be treated as a nameless entity without his or her own sense of self.

I’m of the mind that being multiple is a gift. It’s not a curse. It’s not a disease. It can be chaotic as hell, but it’s not barring me in the trenches. In my experience, multiplicity is on a spectrum. Some multiples need therapy. Some multiples don’t. Some function better than others. Being multiple doesn’t always have to involve a severely amnesic host and a wild assortment of individuals robbing them of their life. It’s true sometimes, but it’s not the only standard.

We were diagnosed DID years ago. For a while it was certainly disorderly. Not knowing how or why I am suddenly standing outside a house I lived in ten years ago, where I was when I missed assignments/classes/tests, how January became March with no days in between, losing friends for reasons X, Y, and Z, being ostracized, coughing up trauma on a daily basis. Be that as it may, things evolved from there. Chaos is limited. We don’t lose time because we work together well. We have a full time job. We pay our bills. We have friends. We have a fiancé who respects and responds to each of us as we are. We are still multiple, but "disorder" no longer fits our experience. I hope you can reach a place where it is not a burden for you.

The only unity between all multiples is that there exists more than one mind in a body. Nothing more or less is true. There is no proper way of being plural.

Hi. Non here. About a year ago I got to know this one friend. A few months later he began telling me about how his therapist said he may have DID. Then he started telling me about things extremely personal about his past like how his neighbor who was a year younger than him kind of "played doctor" with him when he was little, which was massively irritating to me. So I stopped talking to him for a few months. Then a few weeks ago I hung out with him again. He told me that he was a pathological liar, and that he never really realized when he was lying or not. I don't know if he lied on purpose to keep up appearances before and this was his way of escaping that rabbit hole, or he actually believed it before, and I don't care. I was skeptical on his DID, because he never really seemed like he was ever in a different state of being. I'm skeptical on the pathological lying too.

He's not a bad person, and I don't really think it was a facticious disorder, but he did blame some things on it. Like his fears and narcolepsy.

Loved this - what a great motto for the room

The only unity between all multiples is that there exists more than one mind in a body. Nothing more or less is true. There is no proper way of being plural.

lots of good stuff has already been shared so I really don't feel the need recap the good stuff said. I will however share a few more thoughts. In my experience - DID is exhausting! I've yet to meet a person who can "fake it" for long. If someone comes in here to gain attention they will leave when they get bored.

In regards to the room - please get support here when you need it, if something offends you stop reading and move on. I've been here for awhile, I've seen many come and go. I've lived through several mods and watched the character of the room morph and change. Some visitors have brought wisdom, some have brought drama. But - all have brought me a connection I cannot find outside of this room. I do not share often, my system does not believe in sharing and considers a betrayal. To read that others share parts of my experience (no pun intented) gives me hope. I hope you find the same here. Welcome to the forum, there are comfortable chairs in the corner.

Kero

We were in a group on Facebook where people were faking switching but then trying to put it on us. It was sad, for a long time we decided not to post anymore anywhere about ourselves but then we found this page, it seems pretty good.nobody would "brag" about personalities.... If somebody was then they are not DID...however, I think sometimes people handle their alters differently and try to make them feel safe by wanting to know about them, etc. we are co con on abouta 75 percent level but at the same time, we were not when our alters first started sharing their stories. Everybody handles DID differently and should be allowed to handle themselves in the manner they feel comfortable with, however, if it is seeming like a name, you should question their motives. Or as I have done, ask questions to their alters then catch them Ina lie if they can't answer them.

-Clarke

Velociraptor wrote:He told me that he was a pathological liar, and that he never really realized when he was lying or not. I don't know if he lied on purpose to keep up appearances before and this was his way of escaping that rabbit hole, or he actually believed it before, and I don't care. I was skeptical on his DID, because he never really seemed like he was ever in a different state of being. I'm skeptical on the pathological lying too.

Another possibility is that he indeed has DID but denies it. This happens very often. "lying" has happened before on this forum (which isn't actually lying, see the following posts on that thread).

oaktree wrote:

Velociraptor wrote:He told me that he was a pathological liar, and that he never really realized when he was lying or not. I don't know if he lied on purpose to keep up appearances before and this was his way of escaping that rabbit hole, or he actually believed it before, and I don't care. I was skeptical on his DID, because he never really seemed like he was ever in a different state of being. I'm skeptical on the pathological lying too.

Another possibility is that he indeed has DID but denies it. This happens very often. "lying" has happened before on this forum (which isn't actually lying, see the following posts on that thread).

That's very true, we all go through denial stages at times

That's very true, we all go through denial stages at times

Yeah. I "came out" as a liar to a very dear person I used to know. She didn't believe it at all though, thankfully