Failin' at bein' a Father Figure

I be havin' somethin' on my mind. I'm the father-figure of our system. I take care of our little ones.

But when I be first comin' here trauma happened to Rachelle - you can see it here: dissociative-identity/topic102992.html (**trigger warning**). And another child alter, as Rachelle was a child when I came, went through somethin' similar and she's over sexualized, too.

I don't be knowin' why I'm postin' this, but I feel like I failed them. I didn't be knowin' what I was doin' then. I had only taken care of children in Sunday school for ten years, but none of those children be traumatized.

And it got me to be wonderin', am I failin' the children in our system? Am I not good enough to be their father?

- Michael

No one is really ready to be a parental figure to a traumatized child. As long as you're there for them when they need you, show them that you care about them and try your best that's all you can do. And try not to beat yourself up for your mistakes. You're not the one who traumatized them in the first place, and you are only human. They are lucky to have you

-Susan

I try to be there for them. I make sure they don't be comin' out durin' drinkin' time with the husband. And on the inside world I read them stories and make sure they get rest.

I guess what I be askin' is that really enough? Is there anythin' else I should be doin' to make sure they aren't so traumatized by what they experience? Or is me bein' there enough?

I worry because I've neer been bein' through trauma. I don't be knowin' what they're goin' through.

*trigger* Like this school shootin' that's all over the news. Jessica triggers out every time. And I know it's because she be thinkin' some man didn't think children were worth anythin' and that's how she feels because someone didn't be findin' her worth enough to feed. *end trigger* How do I be dealin' with that?

- Michael

No, you most certainly did not fail them. You fail them if you don't at least try to help them or be there for them afterwards.

Cassandra's father used to say he was a failure (and I agree, but then, I don't like him at all). But Cassandra and Cassie used to reply, "You only fail if you give up, dad. If you don't give up, you don't fail".

*Trigger Warning*
I certainly feel like I failed as a protector sometimes. What the f*#k else am I supposed to think when I drop the ball more than once and rape/near rape happens/ed again and again? But you know what? I did my f*#king best. And that's all anyone could ask of me. My best turned out to not be enough, but that happens sometimes. It's impossible to never let anything happen or to be invincible. No one's perfect. Besides, what matters is that we all learn from such situations so that we can all work together to not let it happen again. I can't always break through once Luna's triggered out and "freezes", so we have to work together. She or someone else has to either call to me or "come get" me in order to help me help her. Protectors aren't always able to get through to protect every time, and that's no one's fault.
*End Trigger Warning*

All that matters is that you try your best to protect them, and that you're there for them and will help them to the best of your ability no matter what happens.


-KAT

-- Tue Dec 18, 2012 6:52 pm --

wronglesson wrote:
*trigger* Like this school shootin' that's all over the news. Jessica triggers out every time. And I know it's because she be thinkin' some man didn't think children were worth anythin' and that's how she feels because someone didn't be findin' her worth enough to feed. *end trigger* How do I be dealin' with that?

- Michael

Comfort her. Tell her that she is worthwhile, she's NOT worth nothing. Tell her that all children are worthwhile, and that people who don't think so are wrong. Tell her that she is loved and wanted and cared for. Tell her that those children are/were loved and missed and cared for. Tell her that the man who did the shooting and the person who didn't feed her are wrong and that what they did was wrong. Help to cheer her up by distracting her. Read her stories or play games with her, watch a movie with her, something like that. Make her realize that even though she didn't feel worthwhile in the past, she IS worthwhile, and show her that she's loved, cared for, and safe now.


~The Hawk

I be thankin' you Kat. I be needin' to realize I'm just human. Sometimes I be slippin' up, but I can still be there for them. I just be needin' to hear that kind of support. Thank you, Kat.

The Hawk: I be tryin' with her everyday to teach her she is loved. It didn't be helpin' that she came out yesterday when the husband was agitated and antsy and he didn't be wantin' to spend time with her. She be thinkin' "mr paul" be dislikin' her now. I be guessin' I just got to be keepin' remindin' her. But thank you for your suggestions. I'll be keepin' it up.

- Michael

Welcome. -KAT


Change in thought processes and such take time. But with consistent and often reminders, change will happen in time.


~The Hawk

I may be young, but we have talked about things like this in our system many times. *trigger warning* for instance because we had two new traumatic things happen this year - and Emma feels she should have been able to protect us from it. *trigger warning end* But sometimes you can't do enough to heal someone, but you can help them on their way. You seem like a good person to me, and that means that even if you can't do everything right, you're doing something right. I don't know what I'm trying to say right now, we're almost switching (nothing to do with you post by the way) but I just wanted to say that what you do is enough, and in time you'll probably see a difference in Jessica - but it takes time.

In be thankin' all of you gys for your support. I guess I really am doin' it right and even fathers without DID be havin' doubts like this.

Jo's husband read to Jessica last night and she fell asleep. Came back to the inner world and I be tuckin' her in and all she could say was "Mr Paul likes me again." I gotta be sure to be lettin' him know. I really do think with him around the little ones I should get his help. It might help lower this extreme pressure I be feelin' to be perfect all the d@mn time.

- Michael

That sounds more than fair to let him know, Michael

I'm glad you're feeling better. Every parents doubts themselves from time to time - it's no different inside a system

I be feelin' a parent is a parent no matter their stock, creation, or breed. I guess I can only be doin' my best.

I do be worryin' about Jo's husband meetin' E. **trigger** She be tryin' to pleasure men. **end** She's only nine, so I ain't sure how he's goin' to handle it. Anyone else be havin' a child like this? How do I fully prepare Jo's husband to meet her? She got to be comin' out eventually.

- Michael