Just dropping by/a question or two *feel free to ignore*

So I'm back in therapy, and the guy I'm seeing is really good. Pretty smart and stuff. I didn't tell him about the voices/alters/I'm still not sure what to call them, but I'm thinking about telling him at our next appointment, in a few days. If I can get myself to do it. I'm kinda nervous, because I've never told anyone in person before, and if I tell him just a part of it, I'd want to go all the way and tell him everything (which includes some really messed up things I wouldn't even tell people online.) But I think it's time that I told someone, even if just for the sake of getting it off my chest, and maybe getting some kind of professional opinion on what it is.

So I was just gonna ask...to those of ya'll who went in to a therapist, psychiatrist, etc., and explained that you were hearing voices/your alters talking/however you want to phrase it, what kind of questions did you get from them? Do they immediately assume you're hallucinating if you even say the phrase "hearing voices"? Or should I just stop worrying about what he'll say/how he'll react and just let it happen and respond as it happens?

And also....I really don't want to lose my nerve and start hiding it, because the longer I wait to tell him, the less likely it is that I actually will. And I think I'm at a point where the alters/voices get me through certain situations, but they're also causing some harm and i need some help. So any tips for not backing out at the last minute?

Hopefully this made sense and it's not too random/irrevalent. It's late where I'm at, so that's my excuse. Thanks for reading.

T's don't typially over react. Usually they hardly blink, I think out of kindness, I hope.
I would encourage you to tell and know that you probably won't blurt out everything, and if you do, that's okay. It took months for me to say anything, and then it was awhile before much came of it.
So, I say tell, and then your T can look for other signs, as they have to see it, not just hear your account of it - at least they seem to need to see evidence before much happens. Hope that makes sense.

Yeah, thinking about him and just the overall pretty calm vibe I got from him even when we talked about some not so pleasant things makes me feel kinda stupid for worrying. But the way things are for me, it's right on the border of being hallucinations/psychotic and being alters/parts/etc, and I really don't want to tell someone all this and then have them tell me that I'm hallucinating or delusional, or that I made it up. Because then this whole three year chunk of my life is just invalidated or not real, and it feels so real to me that I can't stand thinking about that possibility. Aargh. I'm rambling. My bad. >.<

There's so much stuff to tell that I wouldn't say everything all at once and try to explain it all. My plan would be to bring it up and explain it in a somewhat easy to understand way so he doesn't get the wrong idea, and also not try to spring too much stuff on him at once.

When you say "need to see evidence", do you mean something like switching in front of them or something? Because the voices/alters always pull away somewhat when anyone is physically around me or is talking to me. Like they don't have any interest at all in my family or anything, they just like talking to me. (As far as I can tell, at least.) One of them actually told me flat out that he "has nothing to say to him" (referring to my therapist), so.... >.<

When someone finally believed me/took me seriously (after something like 3 years?), I was asked a Ton of questions, of which I cant remember most, but I can remember some,
I was asked things like, where I hear them, when they first got here, what they say, how many there are, whether some of them remind me of real life persons, age range, do they have names, do they have a physical representation, etc..

Might it be easier to talk about other symptoms, regarding time loss, dp/dr, acting out of character or out of your control, finding things in your belongings that you dont remember getting, previously forgotten life history, gender issues, etc? Maybe you could tell your therapist that you have something to talk about, but are afraid that you would be invalidated or not taken seriously?

So there isn't even one of your 'voices' who would be willing to assist you in talking to the therapist? Maybe you just need to quickly address the issue, and then you need some more time to talk about it in depth?

It really depends on the therapist whether they are going to think about hallucinations or dissociation. I once had a t who didn't believe I had alters, even when he made me switch to a child alter right in front of him.. I dont know if you have the option but it would be good to find a therapist who has experience with dissociation.

I was far too nervous about talking (still am). What I did was write it all down for them before the session and then gave it to them to read. I explained everything I was experiencing. They were all very relaxed about it. They just asked me questions like "Where do you think the voices come from?", "Are they outside or inside your head?" "Do they try and make you do things?", stuff like that.

If you think you will end up losing your nerve I would think about writing it all out. I still do it now for my support worker. I find it hard being vocal so this works much better for me.

With the voices the asked questions like "what kind of things are they saying?", "when do you hear them?", "Do they sound like voices from the outside" and "is it a voice you recognize?", that area of questions. Hearing voices is a form of hallucinating, as soon as you discribe it as 'some sort of voice' they will assume that you are hallucinating. Hearing or seeing things that are not really in the environment is hallucinating.

The tips I can think of is to not force anything, make yourself as comfortable as possible. If you back out, try it again. The more times you try, the better it might go.

Demi

One thing: I think (almost) everyone has had to go through that first appointment where they told all DID symptoms. I definitely:
dissociative-identity/topic99946.html

confused109 wrote:or that I made it up

Questioning whether someone made it up usually means it is not made up, otherwise you wouldn't question it, right? I hope someone else can confirm this.
Feeling like it is all made up is common in (potential) DID people.

confused109 wrote:When you say "need to see evidence", do you mean something like switching in front of them or something? Because the voices/alters always pull away somewhat when anyone is physically around me or is talking to me.

Yes, well, it depends on the therapist. There are therapists who don't give a DID diagnosis before they actually see the patient switching in front of their eyes, with some amnesia. (This is required by the DSM-IV, but, IIRC, the DSM-V has softened this).
This is a problem for me too, I think. I don't 'switch' (or whatever it is) during appointments. And when I'm around people the 'voices' are more likely to go away.

Frank_Darko wrote:I was far too nervous about talking (still am). What I did was write it all down for them before the session and then gave it to them to read. I explained everything I was experiencing.

This is what I did too. I was far too nervous to tell it directly (I heard it was caused by some sort of guardian/protector). But writing got around that obstacle! And I emailed him that I had written something down which I really wanted to show.

I asked directly whether it could be DID or what it was otherwise. He said something like, well, doesn't sound like DID. And asked no further questions. (He doesn't seem to have much experience with DID.) But he certainly didn't get annoyed or something. He took it all very calmly. A T is there to help you. If a T doesn't respect you, you need a different T. It are your issues, and he is there to help you.

Sounds like ya'll both got asked the same type of questions.

TheCollective wrote:Might it be easier to talk about other symptoms, regarding time loss, dp/dr, acting out of character or out of your control, finding things in your belongings that you dont remember getting, previously forgotten life history, gender issues, etc? Maybe you could tell your therapist that you have something to talk about, but are afraid that you would be invalidated or not taken seriously?

So there isn't even one of your 'voices' who would be willing to assist you in talking to the therapist? Maybe you just need to quickly address the issue, and then you need some more time to talk about it in depth?

It really depends on the therapist whether they are going to think about hallucinations or dissociation. I once had a t who didn't believe I had alters, even when he made me switch to a child alter right in front of him.. I dont know if you have the option but it would be good to find a therapist who has experience with dissociation.

Thing is, I highly doubt I'm losing time, I dont find random things or anything like that, and while I do have gender issues, I've always thought of them as somewhat separate from the alters/voices/etc. As in, the way a death in the family would be separate from gender issues, you know? Maybe I'm wrong. I don't know anymore. And the reason I want to bring up the voices/alters/them at all is because I want to get some kind of idea what's going on with it (if they turn out to be hallucinations, I'm finally ready to accept that possibility) and because it's one of the main issues I deal with daily. I hope that made sense.

the same one I mentioned earlier (at least, i think it was the same one, I really don't know sometimes) told me that he -might- go with me. He gave no guarantee that he would tag along mentally, and again, he flat out told me that he "had nothing to say to him."

And anyway, I think my therapist knows his stuff as far as dissociation goes. I told him about this one time(vaguely related to the alts), and he mentioned dissociation pretty quickly.

@Frank_Darko I think I'll try doing this if I back out at the last minute this time. But I think I'll be able to do it.

@Demi Thanks for the tips!

@oaktree

oaktree wrote:

confused109 wrote:When you say "need to see evidence", do you mean something like switching in front of them or something? Because the voices/alters always pull away somewhat when anyone is physically around me or is talking to me.

Yes, well, it depends on the therapist. There are therapists who don't give a DID diagnosis before they actually see the patient switching in front of their eyes, with some amnesia. (This is required by the DSM-IV, but, IIRC, the DSM-V has softened this).
This is a problem for me too, I think. I don't 'switch' (or whatever it is) during appointments. And when I'm around people the 'voices' are more likely to go away.

Ah, okay. Well the appointment is tomorrow, so I'll just wait and see what he says and stuff. And you sound a bit like me, as far as them going away with people around.

Just a note I wanted to drop since I'm feeling a bit too fuzzy to really respond. You don't have to lose time or find random things or have times where you find yourself in random places to have DDNOS-1/DID. DDNOS-1/DID are very personal conditions that can have many variations from person to person. And feeling as though you're making it up is common, it's a form of denial, which is commonly used as a defensive mechanism for those with DID. Remember, a DID system is used to hiding, and doesn't want to be "exposed"/"found" often times. And even if they do want to be "found", it's still hard to shake defensive reflexes, especially after living so long with the "fact" that hidden=safe. DID systems are meant to help the host cope with trauma while making the host seem as "normal" and "ok" as possible. If the system is noticed or "found", that doesn't exactly make the host seem as "normal" and "ok" as possible, so alters/systems will use, often reflexively, defensive mechanisms such as denial to not be noticed.


~The Hawk

Ha, well, it's a bit frigging late to hide now. My T knows. I almost wish I hadn't said a d##n thing. The appointment was yesterday, and after a bunch of questions, he, among other things, mentioned the whole "split off parts of your psyche" or something like that, and told me that while he would follow my lead, he thought...d##nit, I can't think of how to phrase. Basically, more or less suggested killing them off or integrating. he wasn't specific. I can clarify if anyone wants me to.

** trigger warning, self-harm, cutting **

And here I am today, six cuts later, with all this fuzziness, trying to figure out what the f*** I'm supposed to do. I had an over nine month streak of not cutting. Nine god d##m months. Now I've got to decide (and really, I already have. after last night, I am so f***ing done with the f***ing voices. I don't care if he meant integration, killing them off, or anything else. I'll do whatever he suggests we do if it'll get rid of them.) what I'll do, got to make sure no one finds out I cut again, got to tell him that I f***ed up and cut, got to somehow get myself there without completely breaking down (because it'll probably happen sometime this week. The worst part is that I'm calm. Completely calm. A bit p***ed, and maybe anxious about the next appointment, but for the most part, I'm somehow fine when I should be really messed up over the fact THAT I FREAKING RELAPSED. That I'll probably get talked into cutting again tonight by them, that I might cut myself on my own, and that I may never get better and this is it.

** end trigger **

So I don't think denial's my biggest issue. And I don't mean to sound angry at anyone who replied. I'm mad at myself and them and I wish I could just be a normal frigging teenager and not have to worry about this b*lls**t.