Discovered alter + naming.

Last night was the first time I feel like there was real communication with an alter, though I'm still not sure. Every night for the past while I've been trying to communicate clearly in my mind with anyone willing to come forward, but it's all been really hazy and hard to distinguish between actual dialogue/my imagination. Sometimes there's bits and pieces of a really clear word or image, but it's always quick and kind of pushes me out, like when you're zoned out and a loud noise brings you back.

Last night, though, I started to talk out loud and when it happened I was pushed farther back than I've ever been. It was the first time I can say with absolute certainty that *I* was not the one controlling my speech. The one talking explained a lot to me that I guess I hadn't been understanding, but it made things probably more confusing in the end.

She explained our position to each other clearer than I've felt it, and talked about how she could feel me "scratching in the back" and even though she couldn't hear me, she could feel that I was there/my reactions to her. Then she talked a bit about how she only likes the night and the dark.

She also said that she doesn't have a name or age, and she expressed some dissatisfaction at the idea of being separate from me by being referred to differently. She said that even though she only comes out in pieces, it's still her right to have our name/life/etc.

My question is how you go about naming/distinguishing alters that don't want to be considered separate (or if this is common). I do understand how she feels, but I also want to be able to organize better and at least be able to tell when it's her inside/outside to better accommodate everyone. I still don't have very good communication, so it's hard to ask inside, especially when I'm not clear on who's who. I thought about referring to her as Night, because of what she said, but I'm not sure if she's willing to even accept that title.

Congratulations on discovering a new alter and starting communication! That's a huge step!

As for naming, some alters have names while some don't. Maybe just give her some more time to see if she would want a name later? And let her choose one herself if/when she's ready? Explain to her why you'd like a name, or ask if you could use a nickname? A short or different version of your real name, for example, so she doesn't feel like there's too much of a difference? Alternatively, agree to be called by a nickname yourself (a version of your name) and call her by the legal name, when referring to your system?

These are just some ideas I'm thinking of right now

Best of luck!

Thank you. It's both a terrifying experience and a weird kind of relief at the same time. I really hope it continues and we all feel more willing to be as open as she was (I keep trying to give words of encouragement and praise so maybe others will step forward).

I really like your idea of me taking on a nickname/shorthand name and giving her the legal name. I don't feel the same way she does about the name thing, so I probably should have thought of that myself earlier. I'm starting to think that's why she has a problem with it, because I automatically assume I'm me--she's her and we're not really connected, even though some part of me understands we are.

I just got a kind of warm, accepting feeling inside that I can't really explain. So I'm going to take that to me she agrees, maybe?

Thank you for the suggestion!

I really hope it continues and we all feel more willing to be as open as she was (I keep trying to give words of encouragement and praise so maybe others will step forward).

That's a very good idea. Encouragement and praise and honesty are an important part of starting up communication. The more they can see that you can handle it and even enjoy it (to some point at least) the more they will probably dare to come forward. Good luck

I really like your idea of me taking on a nickname/shorthand name and giving her the legal name. I don't feel the same way she does about the name thing, so I probably should have thought of that myself earlier. I'm starting to think that's why she has a problem with it, because I automatically assume I'm me--she's her and we're not really connected, even though some part of me understands we are.

I'm glad you liked it. I thought I'd put it in there as I myself wasn't attached to my legal name and thought maybe some others might feel the same way

So I'm going to take that to me she agrees, maybe?

Might be Be aware of assuming something again though, as that was what might have put her off the first time. But that feeling at least means she's positive about what it is you are thinking

Best of luck going forward

Might be Be aware of assuming something again though, as that was what might have put her off the first time.

This is something I realize now I have to work on myself. I came out hard all demanding and aggressive, assuming that everyone inside had some special knowledge that they were hiding from me. But after last night, I've realized a lot of us are equally confused and lost, and that this really is a shared experience. It isn't me-full-of-them, but all of us together.

Thanks again for the insights. You and this forum in general have been incredibly helpful for me.

I'm glad you're enjoying your time here.
I think that's a hugely important thing to realize - there really isn't me or anyone vs anyone. There is no versus. There is just us. Everyone, equally. You seem to be doing great and understanding lots

Best of luck!

This amazing progress and it makes me so happy to see it! Congrats on all you've discovered and realized, and that you finally got to "meet" someone inside!


i'm happy you know to not be so agressive now. i wouldn't wanna come out if sumone was being demanding and stuff....


Yeah, bein' inside isn't exactly all sunshine and daises. Sure, we might hold out some info sometimes, but we got our reasons for it. Mostly though, we're just trying to get through life best we can, just like the host (that's you) does. Except instead of just navigating through regular life, we also gotta try to figure out how to work sh*t in here. So yeah- it's not exactly like some hidden party or something. (It can turn into that once everyone starts getting/working together and sh*t like that, though ). -KAT



Riddle:

It cannot be seen, cannot be felt,
Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt.
It lies behind stars and under hills,
And empty holes it fills.
It comes first and follows after,
Ends life, kills laughter.

The answer is dark,
the dark.

~Riddle from J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit.
~Luna
~L.C.

i'm happy you know to not be so agressive now. i wouldn't wanna come out if sumone was being demanding and stuff....

I definitely learned my lesson and won't be aggressive in the future. It was unfair of me, both because it doesn't help me meet the others and because it's just plain mean in general.

Yeah, bein' inside isn't exactly all sunshine and daises. Sure, we might hold out some info sometimes, but we got our reasons for it. Mostly though, we're just trying to get through life best we can, just like the host (that's you) does. Except instead of just navigating through regular life, we also gotta try to figure out how to work sh*t in here. So yeah- it's not exactly like some hidden party or something. (It can turn into that once everyone starts getting/working together and sh*t like that, though ). -KAT

I had a very wrong view of how it would work inside, but now that others are coming out more clearly (and letting me feel/hear them) I'm starting to really feel the weight of what they have to deal with, too. Like, I know that I don't have all the same information they have, but I can feel little glimpses of it and it's just as confusing if not even more so than I've been dealing with, so there's a lot more empathy now. Earlier today someone else kind of hovered around the front and talked about how she gets overwhelmed sometimes because she feels like she's somewhere else in the past, but when she looks around and sees us here today, it's like being in two places at once and not being able to be in either fully. I don't know if that's a DID thing (I don't even know really if this is DID or something similar), but it helps me understand the things going on inside that I wasn't as supportive of as I could have been.

It cannot be seen, cannot be felt,
Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt.

That is really accurate. When she was talking, she mentioned that she likes the night because during the day everything seems a lot bigger and wider and there's a spotlight on you, whereas at night you can blend in better with your surroundings and pick out the places you want to be seen. So I think that describes it perfectly, thank you guys.

Boxling wrote:I had a very wrong view of how it would work inside, but now that others are coming out more clearly (and letting me feel/hear them) I'm starting to really feel the weight of what they have to deal with, too. Like, I know that I don't have all the same information they have, but I can feel little glimpses of it and it's just as confusing if not even more so than I've been dealing with, so there's a lot more empathy now. Earlier today someone else kind of hovered around the front and talked about how she gets overwhelmed sometimes because she feels like she's somewhere else in the past, but when she looks around and sees us here today, it's like being in two places at once and not being able to be in either fully. I don't know if that's a DID thing (I don't even know really if this is DID or something similar), but it helps me understand the things going on inside that I wasn't as supportive of as I could have been.

Yeah, what you're describing is kinda like a mix of a DID thing and a PTSD thing. It's common for alters to be stuck in the past, usually a specific time or event, due to PTSD, but because they're an alter and you have all the DID stuff going on, it's like they're sorta half-stuck in the flashback all the time since they've got you to deal with functioning through everyday life and nothing's forcing or helping them out of that flashback stage.

Rebel used to be "stuck" in the year 2009, and still kinda gets that way sometimes. When she first started coming "out", she'd think it was the year 2009 and she wouldn't know any current stuff, like where she was or where she lived or anything like that. (That sh*t gets annoying and messy fast). She's more up to date now, but sometimes she's still like half in 2009, like her memory gets all mixed up and she forgets current sh*t, but she'll remember how to get to places like where we live, she just won't remember that she, herself lives there and stuff like that. All she'll know is where to go and that she should stay put.
This happens because in 2009, sh*t happened that Rebel couldn't deal with, so she went "away" for like 2 or 3 years, and since she couldn't deal with sh*t, she forgot about it instead, you know, as a coping mechanism. But because she forgot about it and still doesn't want to deal with it, she kept getting "put back" to the time period just before all the sh*t happened, and sometimes still gets "put back" there. But we're working on it. At least now half the time when she comes out she still remembers everything.

Therapy, trauma processing, connection processing, working on PTSD flashbacks, and all that good sh*t would probably really help out your confused part. Grounding techniques, you know, like self-talk to remind yourself of the present and what's real and sh*t can help too.

-KAT

Boxling wrote:That is really accurate. When she was talking, she mentioned that she likes the night because during the day everything seems a lot bigger and wider and there's a spotlight on you, whereas at night you can blend in better with your surroundings and pick out the places you want to be seen. So I think that describes it perfectly, thank you guys.

Yeah, sh*t can be too obvious in the daylight. It's usually too bright, too. Glad you liked the quote. ~Luna ~L.C.

Earlier today someone else kind of hovered around the front and talked about how she gets overwhelmed sometimes because she feels like she's somewhere else in the past, but when she looks around and sees us here today, it's like being in two places at once and not being able to be in either fully. I don't know if that's a DID thing (I don't even know really if this is DID or something similar), but it helps me understand the things going on inside that I wasn't as supportive of as I could have been.

Definitely something we can relate to, as well. I agree with Tomboy with what they said about it.

It's great that they are coming out more clearly and that you can hear them better and such. That is great progress You're doing great!