hypomania- people taking advantage

i went thru emails that i exchanged with this guy i knew. he's a good looking guy whose a sex addict, the type of guy who msgs girls online to talk dirty. he'll email you a pic of his dick. that kind of guy.

i also think he might be a somatic narcissist.

during my hypomanic episodes, we would talk and he would always try to invite me out.he'll try to get me to talk dirty with him. i never did because i'm not that type of person but sometimes i'll tell him about my dating situation.

i was really annoying when i was hypomanic . i'll repeat the same story again and again, the same story about some guy.

nothing ever happened, i never did go to his house or his friends party- i think he was trying to use me as fresh blood for his friends-- he had a gf at the time, i don't know.

either way, i feel like he was trying to take advantage of me. nothing ever happened. i never did anything but talk about stuff i probably wouldnt have.

i also feel bad and stupid for being so annoying. i'm torn between apologizing for my bad idiot msgs and yelling at him for trying to sleep with me or whatever.

i'm also embarrassed

The guy is a low-life. You do not owe him an apology.
Draw a line and have nothing to do with him from now on.

Tell him clearly that you don't want to have anything to do with him. If he approaches you, turn your back and walk away. Don't enter into a debate. Tell him to get out of your life and then cease all contact.

If you are getting any therapy or counselling, talk about it with the professional you talk to. They should help you see the situation clearly and decide the action to take. If you don't have a counsellor, talk to the counsellor at a local women's issues office or transition house for abused women. If you don't know who to contact, the crisis line in your community should be able to direct you to the local women's resource centre.

Don't be ashamed. You may have said some things, but that is past now. You don't owe him an apology.

Be strong. Stand firm. You have the power. Claim it.

Take care,

it was strange and confusing. he helped me too, lent me a computer when mine broke down, gave me his iphone 3 to use when i lost mine, listened to my problems. it's not so cut and dry.

i dont think he knew i was hypomanic, he didnt. he probably thought i was drunk, high or just plain weird.

It still sounds like he was trying to take advantage of the situation, of you. And what kind of guy has a girlfriend but still sends you pictures of his dick and talks dirty with you, invites you out? Clearly not a nice guy. And you've got questions about your own behavior, you say you're embarrassed. No matter how many nice things he did for you, he still has this other side to him that is questionable.

Anyway, I'd say chalk it up to hypomania and forgive yourself. During hypomania and mania, I've done plenty of things I've regretted later and I simply have to be gentle and kind with myself. I can't beat myself up about what I do when I'm hypomanic. You do the best you can to learn from what you did, hope to not repeat it, and move on. So in this case, maybe you tell this guy you're ashamed of your behavior, you regret the things you said, and you hope it won't happen again. But you set a boundary with him now while you're stable. I wouldn't tell him you were hypomanic though. That seems like TMI for this guy.

i'm afraid there's a reputation. it's so funny, i have sex with like three guys over a period of three years, in a similar social "scene" and suddenly, i'm a whore and i have all these men popping up randomly and trying to talk to me.

i'm sure women do that stuff regularly, i was probably much more direct about it, because of hypomania and that's where the problem lies.

i actually had some dude tell me it was a "lure" and i'm a tease.

maybe? i don't know.

The people who are keeping score of how many men you have sex with are not your friends.
And three partners over three years is not whoring in my world.

This guy sounds like a wolf in sheeps clothing... He is probably being nice to you so he can earn your approval and have sex with you. He also sounds like a person who would brag about sex with any woman. Real men do not send pictures of their dick to women.

I still think you would benefit by talking this through with a female counsellor. If you are still in school, you may have a female counsellor you trust there. The most we can do on the forum is reassure you that you are not wrong for what you have done and you are not a bad person. In fact, you sound like a really nice person with a problem.

Doing and saying things you regret when you are hypomanic is a problem people with bipolar have. You are not the only one. I've got my own list of behavior I regret.

You sound like a nice, normal person. Shut this creep out of your life, and move on.

thank you, sometimes i dont know if im in the wrong since i over react and act out in extreme ways. i know my instincts are right because they arent treating me the way they should. its a moral quandary of personal etiquette. you should be able to have sex with who you want and when ever you want or dont, but dont try to prey upon my vulnerabilities like a vulture.

thats plain weird and shady.

biancayagger wrote:i know you should be able to have sex with who you want and when ever you want or dont,

That is a really liberated viewpoint, and not necessarily wrong. I would just add that both people should be willing and that there is not an imbalance of power. For instance, a teacher having sex with a student, or a policeman having free sex with a prostitute. One must also be mindful that there are not other people, like spouses and children who would be hurt by it.

You mentioned in another note a man said you were a lure and a tease. While that does not mean you want sex, or justify someone forcing themselves on another, it is good to be circumspect about our behavior and not lead someone on.

You will get this sorted out for yourself. If you are attracting unwanted advances by men, it would be good to figure out if you were doing anything to lead them on.

Take care,

skilsaw wrote:

biancayagger wrote:i know you should be able to have sex with who you want and when ever you want or dont,

That is a really liberated viewpoint, and not necessarily wrong. I would just add that both people should be willing and that there is not an imbalance of power. For instance, a teacher having sex with a student, or a policeman having free sex with a prostitute. One must also be mindful that there are not other people, like spouses and children who would be hurt by it.

You mentioned in another note a man said you were a lure and a tease. While that does not mean you want sex, or justify someone forcing themselves on another, it is good to be circumspect about our behavior and not lead someone on.

You will get this sorted out for yourself. If you are attracting unwanted advances by men, it would be good to figure out if you were doing anything to lead them on.

Take care,

obviously, it should be between equals and consenting adults. there are always constraints in every freedom.

i'm not doing anything, not when i'm normal, so that's that. i think men have a tendency of interpreting anything as a lead on.

oh she's wearing a tank top and make up, she's asking for it.

no i like playing with eye shadow, it's like art but on my face, and its hot outside.

biancayagger wrote:no i like playing with eye shadow, it's like art but on my face, and its hot outside.

I understand what you mean by playing with eye shadow, but I don't understand or see a connection to "...and its hot outside"

Can you elaborate?