Our partner

Does my husband have Asperger's?

Asperger's Syndrome message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: TDT

Does my husband have Asperger's?

Postby Augustana » Mon Jul 25, 2011 5:26 pm

Hello All, I know nobody can give me a diagnosis so I am only looking for opinions but I find myself wondering if my husband has asperger's and I'm hoping that maybe someone can give me a little insight. I am 30 and he is 32, we have been married for 3 years and together 5, we have a 20 month old little girl together. I have always found his behavior to be somewhat bizarre and he has always been a bit socially awkward and ever since the birth of my daughter things have become much more intense. I think writing a list of his behaviors that seem unusual might be the easiest way for me to describe what I am dealing with here:

1) He is very rigid in his thought process, and extremely close minded and not open to new ideas, people or places.
2) goes off on obsessive tangents - for example, he is suddenly into golf even though he has not golfed much since I have met him, but now that he is obsessing on it, he has to have EVERYTHING that has to do with golf - golfing magazines, special golf shoes, special golf shirts, etc..
3) is extremely uncomfortable with intimacy
4) never says anything nice to me or gives me compliments but is openly critical and painfully honest at times
5) seems to fake his facial expressions, especially when it's a smile
6)he is very uptight and holds his body very tensely all the time
7)lacks empathy and can't ever understand where I am coming from with my thoughts and emotions
8) never shows emotion and doesn't seem to experience any
9) made me get rid of my cats and then couldn't understand why I was crying for 2 days straight afterwards
10) left me in the hospital alone- crying, in pain and scared to death- after the birth of my child.
11) gets extremely anxious in public places where there are other people and I have stopped inviting him to social events with me because he embarrasses me with his awkwardness
12) speaks unnecessarily loud
13) has obsessive compulsive tendencies

these are just some of the behaviors that have me wondering about the state of his mind. for years I have just assumed that he is a huge anti-social, jerk and I blamed his parents for spoiling him rotten but now looking at my big list of strange behavior i wonder, is there something more to it.

So what do you think? Is he just downright mean or could there be something to look into here?
Augustana
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 4:49 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:32 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Does my husband have Asperger's?

Postby petrossa » Mon Jul 25, 2011 5:39 pm

NECESSARY DISCLAIMER: All answers here are personal opinions made by not medically qualified people until stipulated otherwise. No medical advice is given, no medical actions should be undertaken based on opinions expressed.

Hia Augustana.

Seems spot on. Almost as if you have copied a typical Aspergers symptoms. In fact so much so it could be me you are talking about.

Imho yes. He most certainly has. There is a thread for aspie spouses: http://www.psychforums.com/asperger-syndrome/topic69284.html

Good luck, you'll need it :lol:
There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
User avatar
petrossa
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7368
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 1:00 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:32 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Does my husband have Asperger's?

Postby Augustana » Mon Jul 25, 2011 5:48 pm

thanks for the reply petrossa, I think I have a loooong road ahead of me :?
Augustana
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 4:49 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:32 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Does my husband have Asperger's?

Postby petrossa » Mon Jul 25, 2011 6:23 pm

If you could convince him he has it it would be much shorter. Some advice:

Start by gathering positive stories about aspergers. Many geniuses, famous musicans, artists are said to have it. If you find a good one, with a lot of detail about his AS, mention to your husband how this genius/artist/famous whatever is just like him. Look here.... And point out the quaint stuff.

See how it goes down. Let him mull, repeat with some other AS related story. But all positive, not 'it's a mental disease' kind of thing.

If he latches on he'll come to you proclaiming he has AS after while after which you can react surprised.

(never thought i'd explain how to use feminine wiles to a woman :lol: )
There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
User avatar
petrossa
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7368
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 1:00 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:32 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Does my husband have Asperger's?

Postby Augustana » Mon Jul 25, 2011 9:55 pm

And i never thought i would need a man to explain feminine wiles to me! :D That is a genius idea though, I would have never thought to approach it like that. All I need to do is find a filthy rich famous person with aspergers as his obsession in life is money..
Augustana
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 4:49 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:32 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Does my husband have Asperger's?

Postby petrossa » Tue Jul 26, 2011 5:54 am

That shouldn't be difficult. One can safely assume that business sharks have some form of social detachment/incapacity to empathize.

Bill Gates: http://www.google.com/search?&rls=en&q=bill+gates+aspergers
There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
User avatar
petrossa
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7368
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 1:00 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:32 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Does my husband have Asperger's?

Postby Augustana » Tue Jul 26, 2011 10:34 am

Excellent, I am sure my husband would love to be Bill Gates. This little tid bit on Gates I found really hits home with my husband:

** Single-minded pursuit of computer expertise at the expense of all other interests, including graduating from college (II.A.).

My husband dropped out of college to start his own business because he thought everyone was an idiot and he thought he knew more then his teachers. He is successful with his business and it only confirms, in his mind, that people are morons. My husband is exceptionally intelligent in certain areas but completely clueless when it comes to certain things. I'm still on the fence with whether or not he has asperger's or he is just a huge asshole.
Augustana
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 4:49 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:32 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Does my husband have Asperger's?

Postby petrossa » Tue Jul 26, 2011 10:46 am

I asked my partner but she's convinced i'm just an asshole :wink:

Btw i also was a computerfreak. Made lot's of money with it. Just hated working so much i quit when i had just enough to live a modest life for the rest of my days. So no rolex for me, i just look at the churchclock.
There's only two things I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.
User avatar
petrossa
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 7368
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2008 1:00 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 01, 2014 8:32 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Does my husband have Asperger's?

Postby TNSe » Tue Jul 26, 2011 1:24 pm

You seem like a good person.

I hope you realize that even if he agrees he has Asperger, he will most likely not change? You both should also both be very very careful to use AS as an excuse or a way to blame. AS should be an explanation and a consideration.

Most important thing for you both to remember is that AS or not, he is still the same person.
TNSe
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1168
Joined: Sat Apr 05, 2008 12:29 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:32 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Does my husband have Asperger's?

Postby Augustana » Tue Jul 26, 2011 1:44 pm

thanks TNSe, I like to think I am a good person. I am just trying to understand my husband, I guess I am hoping for some sort of reason or explanation for his cruel behavior. I don't want to think he is just a mean person, I want there to be a reason, but maybe there just isn't. my future with him is uncertain right now as I can't see myself growing old with someone that I can't connect to...

I know that even if he does have AS that it does not change anything and that he will continue to act the way he does but maybe I can cope with it better? or maybe I can't.
Augustana
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 10
Joined: Mon Jul 25, 2011 4:49 pm
Local time: Mon Sep 01, 2014 6:32 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Asperger's Syndrome Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 79 guests

cron