Does my husband have Asperger's?

If you live with it could till now, chances are you can better by understanding. If it is already eating away at you in a big way.....

He can change outwardly quite a bit though if he accepts he has AS and if he wants to accommodate you. AS is not an excuse to be an asshole.

I have all kinds of mechanisms and behavioral patterns developed to please my partner. If not she wouldn't still be with me because she is a fiercely independent woman and we have no kids.

So ......

I do know that he could modify his behavior to better suit our relationship, as I have seen him do so already over the years when he realized that I don't react well to certain things. I know he means well when it comes to me and our daughter but sometimes he gets so focused on an end product that he isn't noticing the wreckage he is causing along the way.

Also another major issue I have with him is how he treats other people and this, I believe, is not something that he will ever be willing to change about himself. He has a horrible attitude about the general population and I am very worried about him teaching our daughter to develop these attitudes.

He just thinks that he is better and smarter then everyone and I HATE that.

Augustana wrote:He just thinks that he is better and smarter then everyone and I HATE that.

Well, he probably is. J/K. I think this stems from Aspies having the tendency to think very logically, so, if someone acts or thinks in a very illogical manner we have a very low tolerance for it because it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and it is very obvious to us.

Augustana wrote:He just thinks that he is better and smarter then everyone and I HATE that.

Unfortunately we Aspies tend to come over like that. Mostly because on average we are. Not everyone, but a big part of the general population.

If you go through life and constantly you notice you think faster and understand quicker then those around you its hard to keep a level head.

At school we are always singled out for being smart asses. During life it just continues. Some people end up like your husband, embittered and angry.

With some luck and effort this could mellow out though once he understands his condition (should he have it ofcourse, i never met the guy )

I did. Somewhat. A little. Well, actually not that much.

Self relativism is essential in any case.

imnotnuts wrote:

Augustana wrote:He just thinks that he is better and smarter then everyone and I HATE that.

Well, he probably is. J/K. I think this stems from Aspies having the tendency to think very logically, so, if someone acts or thinks in a very illogical manner we have a very low tolerance for it because it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and it is very obvious to us.

great minds think alike

Augustana wrote:He just thinks that he is better and smarter then everyone and I HATE that.

I am like that too. But I think this is a learnt behavior for many with AS, because it provokes people into telling their side of the story. Problem is that this stops working around age 20-30 when you start working, as people no longer have time.

You even say you have experienced this, when he noticed you reacted poorly to things he did.

Also need to point out, that when I said that even if he is convinced that he is AS, that he wont be another person, I did not mean that you can't help him figure out better ways to deal with things. That is absolutely the best reason for him to accept it. Many of his (your?) problems may stem from lack of communication of the other persons point of view. This goes both ways.

petrossa wrote:

Augustana wrote:He just thinks that he is better and smarter then everyone and I HATE that.

If you go through life and constantly you notice you think faster and understand quicker then those around you its hard to keep a level head.

This sentence sounds exactly like something my husband would say, wow! he loves to say he has no patience for "stupid" people. I notice when people are stupid, it just doesn't bother me the way it bothers him.

Do you guys find that you are not easily offended and don't get jealous? I am wondering if these are aspie traits as well.

-- Thu Jul 28, 2011 11:39 am --

TNSe wrote:That is absolutely the best reason for him to accept it. Many of his (your?) problems may stem from lack of communication of the other persons point of view. This goes both ways.

You are right, pretty much all of our problems stem from a lack of understanding each other. we don't "get" each other at all and he always seems to think I am "mad" at him because he tends to misinterpret my body language, facial expressions and voice inflection. I am starting to gain a little insight into the way his mind works but if he really does have AS then I don't think he will every truly be able to understand me or even be interested in my point of view.

Augustana wrote:This sentence sounds exactly like something my husband would say, wow! he loves to say he has no patience for "stupid" people. I notice when people are stupid, it just doesn't bother me the way it bothers him.

I don't find people stupid but it can annoy me sideways if they are slow on the uptake. I really get very upset.

Do you guys find that you are not easily offended and don't get jealous? I am wondering if these are aspie traits as well.

I'm practically impossible to offend because of several reasons. First i value my own judgment more then others so someones opinion is just that, an opinion. He/she can have it, i have mine.
Also because i really can't be bothered to listen to things that i don't care for. One ear in, the other out.

I'm not jealous, haven't been ever.

If this are aspie traits i don't know .